December 31, 2009.
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
I wanted to close the loop and share with everyone the amazing New Year's Eve celebration here at the Amritapuri Ashram...
Jim, Jason and I went up for our Darshan as we began to get a little concerned that the line was going to end in time for the New Year's Eve performances to begin. As such, we went straight to the front of the line at about 8pm or so. We each had our Darshans and it was very sweet. I had a bag of cashews for Amma (of course) and She gave me a very sweet smile and started whispering blessings in my ear in Punjabi. I was in Her arms for a few repetitions of the blessings when She stopped and said to Gireesh Swami "huh?" to which Gireesh Swami responded "Punjabi, Punjabi" Amma scolded him slightly almost to say I know my son is Punjabi speaking and you have interrupted my words to him. It was very funny and I let out a chuckle when I heard Gireesh Swami say this to Amma. She obviously knows me and my mother tongue now. How Divine is that?!?!
Amma continued to give Darshan for many hours into the night. It must have been at least 9pm or so when the performances started. It was really, really loud so the three of us retreated to our room to rest for a bit and rejoin the festivities at around 11:00pm.
We called home and wished Mom and Dad a New Year as we were about 45 mins. away from it here in Kerala.
We went back out to the Main Hall and watched a few of the last performances. Following this, Amma lead us in about 5 minutes of chanting "Lokah Samasta Sukhino Bhavantu" (May All the Beings in All the Worlds be at Peace). Amma followed this with Her New Year's address which was really profound and wonderful! The main jist of what She was saying was that She wants all of us to be light, cheerful and playful like children.
After this address was translated, Amma lead us in a very rousing "Khol Darvaaza Sheranvali-ey" which is a new 2009 Punjabi bhajan with such beautiful meaning. She had all of us with our hand up in the air and waving them like the Hare Krishnas do when they are dancing for Krishna!
This entire program went on until 1:00am. We went straight to bed and did not wake up until 8:30am the next morning.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Thursday, December 31, 2009
New Year's Eve at the Ashram...
December 31, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
It's New Year's Eve at the Ashram and what an energy there is today around here. Jim woke up early and went off to Yoga Class again. He didn't stay up to watch the end of Darshan last night though. I woke up and got myself ready for the day, had breakfast with Jim and went into Vallikavu with Luciole and Jim to get some paint so that I can paint my tifin - purple of course and to get my jewellery reconstructed by the jeweller.
Upon returning to the Ashram, we had lunch and went up to the Doll Shop to check things out. I wanted Jim to experience the lovely vibe and hard work that goes into each of the dolls that are created in this haven in the highest floor of the Kali Temple.
Jim is needing to rest today so that he can make it through the night and into the New Year. Mother is giving Darshan in the Main Hall and that began at about 11:00am or so. We have tokens for Darshan today and we will go late in the night to be closer to the New Year.
Jason (a faerie friend) arrives today (probably very shortly) and that is very exciting. I can't wait to see him and here some of his experiences of travelling around as well. He has been on quite the journey.
Phillipe arrived today at the Ashram as well. We didn't think that he was going to make it as he is back in school but apparently, he decided to come here on his vacation for 10 days. It's so great to see all of these people again.
Jim said to me over lunch that he wants me to show him how to wear "one of those things" and he wants to "put on one of those too" (referring to a dhoti and sandlewood respectively). I guess we will dress him up like a brahmachari for Darshan tonight! How exciting....
More to come after the festivities of the night. I am sure that there will be performances this evening for Amma while Darshan continues. I shall type more once I have more to type about!
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah!
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
It's New Year's Eve at the Ashram and what an energy there is today around here. Jim woke up early and went off to Yoga Class again. He didn't stay up to watch the end of Darshan last night though. I woke up and got myself ready for the day, had breakfast with Jim and went into Vallikavu with Luciole and Jim to get some paint so that I can paint my tifin - purple of course and to get my jewellery reconstructed by the jeweller.
Upon returning to the Ashram, we had lunch and went up to the Doll Shop to check things out. I wanted Jim to experience the lovely vibe and hard work that goes into each of the dolls that are created in this haven in the highest floor of the Kali Temple.
Jim is needing to rest today so that he can make it through the night and into the New Year. Mother is giving Darshan in the Main Hall and that began at about 11:00am or so. We have tokens for Darshan today and we will go late in the night to be closer to the New Year.
Jason (a faerie friend) arrives today (probably very shortly) and that is very exciting. I can't wait to see him and here some of his experiences of travelling around as well. He has been on quite the journey.
Phillipe arrived today at the Ashram as well. We didn't think that he was going to make it as he is back in school but apparently, he decided to come here on his vacation for 10 days. It's so great to see all of these people again.
Jim said to me over lunch that he wants me to show him how to wear "one of those things" and he wants to "put on one of those too" (referring to a dhoti and sandlewood respectively). I guess we will dress him up like a brahmachari for Darshan tonight! How exciting....
More to come after the festivities of the night. I am sure that there will be performances this evening for Amma while Darshan continues. I shall type more once I have more to type about!
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
The Grace of Amma...
December 30, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
Jim is really amazing to me. He got up this morning without an alarm clock (after waking up at midnight with the scratches and itches of mosquito bites everywhere) and went off to Mens' Yoga. I got up and got myself ready for the day. We met up in the dining room for breakfast. We then went with Luciole (my French sister) to her new flat. She told us her story of getting this flat. Mother's Grace made it happen for her within 5 days where normally people wait 2-4 years on a waiting list for a flat to be built for them. She is in the Ayurveda building on the beachside with a view of the road rather than the beach as the beach is too noisy for her.
It feels as though no time has passed at all. Even though it's been 8 months since I was here at Amritapuri, it feels like it was just yesterday. Luciole commented the same. I love that!
Finally, the internet is connected and working. This is why I am now on-line and updating this blog frantically before the New Year.
I am still undecided as to whether I will go on the South India Tour or not. I have to make a decision by Saturday (when registration begins). I haven't looked into the Pancha Karma regime at all. I would really love to go on the South India Tour as I have not seen anything of South India. Pancha Karma is ALWAYS available at the Ashram. Plus, it would mean that I wouldn't get much time with Amma if I stay at the Ashram and do Pancha Karma.
I think I will just sit with these emotions, mixed as they are, and Mother will give me the direction that I need in this matter. It would be great to be on Tour with all the old friends again too!
Jason arrives tomorrow and I'm excited about that. Hopefully we will go to Varkalla Beach Resort for a few days after my birthday before the South India Tour begins. That would be nice to do with Jim and Jason.
Amma is giving Darshan as I type this blog in my room. The energy here at the Ashram is calm and sweet. There are a lot of people here already and more expected to arrive in time to ring in the New Year with Amma.
More experiences and stories to come soon...stay tuned!
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
Jim is really amazing to me. He got up this morning without an alarm clock (after waking up at midnight with the scratches and itches of mosquito bites everywhere) and went off to Mens' Yoga. I got up and got myself ready for the day. We met up in the dining room for breakfast. We then went with Luciole (my French sister) to her new flat. She told us her story of getting this flat. Mother's Grace made it happen for her within 5 days where normally people wait 2-4 years on a waiting list for a flat to be built for them. She is in the Ayurveda building on the beachside with a view of the road rather than the beach as the beach is too noisy for her.
It feels as though no time has passed at all. Even though it's been 8 months since I was here at Amritapuri, it feels like it was just yesterday. Luciole commented the same. I love that!
Finally, the internet is connected and working. This is why I am now on-line and updating this blog frantically before the New Year.
I am still undecided as to whether I will go on the South India Tour or not. I have to make a decision by Saturday (when registration begins). I haven't looked into the Pancha Karma regime at all. I would really love to go on the South India Tour as I have not seen anything of South India. Pancha Karma is ALWAYS available at the Ashram. Plus, it would mean that I wouldn't get much time with Amma if I stay at the Ashram and do Pancha Karma.
I think I will just sit with these emotions, mixed as they are, and Mother will give me the direction that I need in this matter. It would be great to be on Tour with all the old friends again too!
Jason arrives tomorrow and I'm excited about that. Hopefully we will go to Varkalla Beach Resort for a few days after my birthday before the South India Tour begins. That would be nice to do with Jim and Jason.
Amma is giving Darshan as I type this blog in my room. The energy here at the Ashram is calm and sweet. There are a lot of people here already and more expected to arrive in time to ring in the New Year with Amma.
More experiences and stories to come soon...stay tuned!
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah
Settling in to being at the Ashram....
December 28, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah Everyone...
Jim and I had a very smooth flight from LA to Dubai and then further from Dubai to Kochin. We arrived at Kochin at about 3:30am on December 28, 2009 and by the time we got through customs and got our bags, the Ashram Taxi Driver was waiting for us. The ride to the Ashram was mostly in the dark. It was only at about 6:15am that the sun started to rise and we could see what we were driving through.
We arrived at the Ashram at about 7:30am and promptly checked in at the International Office. This place is packed for the Holiday Season and as such, we were given accommodations in the boys dorm above the hospital. We stayed there the first night (Dec. 28, 2008) and then on December 29, 2009 I went to the International Office to see if there was any way for Jim and I to have a private room as we are a couple and we will be having a friend (who is a first timer as well) join us on December 31, 2009. Amma was obviously feeling generous as we were moved into a new building (the M building) on the ground floor. It's perfect!!!
On December 28, when we arrived at the Ashram and checked in, we moved our stuff to the boys dorm and went for breakfast. After breakfast, I went to Bhajan Class and then we went to the bank to change money so that we can pay for things! We then got the cell phone up and running and then had lunch. After lunch, we went to Karnuagapally to get the internet connection reinstated. On the way back from town, we stopped at the Amrita Self Help store and got Jim some clothes to wear while he is here.
By the time we both got back to the Ashram we were dead tired. We hadn't slept when we got here but we did sleep some on the flights. So...we took a nap and skipped the beach sunset meditation. We got up in time for Bhajans with Amma in the Main Hall. My God, the hall was so full...it's insane.
First day was pretty intense for Jim. He kept saying that he felt as though he was a deer caught in the headlights!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009 - Meditation Day and Q&A with Amma.
This is the first day that we are going to get to see Amma since we arrived! We got up and set our asanas down in the Kali Temple early so that we would have a good spot to see Amma. Then we went for breakfast. After breakfast, we went and meditated in the Temple. Amma came out for Q&A at about 11:30am. It was so nice to see Her. She served lunch to everyone immediately after the Q&A session.
After we ate, Jim went to watch a movie at the Eco Center while I got us an upgrade to a private room! After the video, Jim helped me move all our stuff from one room to the other. We are so much happier in the new room.
We took a nap and got ready for bhajans again with Amma. The first Bhajan She sang was "Krishna Vasudeva Hare". I was in heaven. This is the Bhajan that I want to offer to Mother in Seattle this coming year. It's an old Bhajan which She doesn't sing that often anymore, but it was a real blessing to hear it done live by Her.
After dinner we went to bed but got up in the middle of the night (midnight) itching and scratching everywhere...both Jim and I were eaten alive by mosquitos - welcome to India!
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah Everyone...
Jim and I had a very smooth flight from LA to Dubai and then further from Dubai to Kochin. We arrived at Kochin at about 3:30am on December 28, 2009 and by the time we got through customs and got our bags, the Ashram Taxi Driver was waiting for us. The ride to the Ashram was mostly in the dark. It was only at about 6:15am that the sun started to rise and we could see what we were driving through.
We arrived at the Ashram at about 7:30am and promptly checked in at the International Office. This place is packed for the Holiday Season and as such, we were given accommodations in the boys dorm above the hospital. We stayed there the first night (Dec. 28, 2008) and then on December 29, 2009 I went to the International Office to see if there was any way for Jim and I to have a private room as we are a couple and we will be having a friend (who is a first timer as well) join us on December 31, 2009. Amma was obviously feeling generous as we were moved into a new building (the M building) on the ground floor. It's perfect!!!
On December 28, when we arrived at the Ashram and checked in, we moved our stuff to the boys dorm and went for breakfast. After breakfast, I went to Bhajan Class and then we went to the bank to change money so that we can pay for things! We then got the cell phone up and running and then had lunch. After lunch, we went to Karnuagapally to get the internet connection reinstated. On the way back from town, we stopped at the Amrita Self Help store and got Jim some clothes to wear while he is here.
By the time we both got back to the Ashram we were dead tired. We hadn't slept when we got here but we did sleep some on the flights. So...we took a nap and skipped the beach sunset meditation. We got up in time for Bhajans with Amma in the Main Hall. My God, the hall was so full...it's insane.
First day was pretty intense for Jim. He kept saying that he felt as though he was a deer caught in the headlights!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009 - Meditation Day and Q&A with Amma.
This is the first day that we are going to get to see Amma since we arrived! We got up and set our asanas down in the Kali Temple early so that we would have a good spot to see Amma. Then we went for breakfast. After breakfast, we went and meditated in the Temple. Amma came out for Q&A at about 11:30am. It was so nice to see Her. She served lunch to everyone immediately after the Q&A session.
After we ate, Jim went to watch a movie at the Eco Center while I got us an upgrade to a private room! After the video, Jim helped me move all our stuff from one room to the other. We are so much happier in the new room.
We took a nap and got ready for bhajans again with Amma. The first Bhajan She sang was "Krishna Vasudeva Hare". I was in heaven. This is the Bhajan that I want to offer to Mother in Seattle this coming year. It's an old Bhajan which She doesn't sing that often anymore, but it was a real blessing to hear it done live by Her.
After dinner we went to bed but got up in the middle of the night (midnight) itching and scratching everywhere...both Jim and I were eaten alive by mosquitos - welcome to India!
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Christmas in LA!!!
December 20, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah Everyone....
The blog starts again!
So Jim and I have arrived in Los Angeles today (December 20, 2009) at about 4pm. We are spending Christmas here and leaving December 26, 2009 on an Emirates flight to Kochin and then further to the Amritapuri Ashram.
This is Jim's FIRST time ever to India so I am very excited for him. Just found out Amma's going to be going on the South India Tour (Tamilnadu) on January 9, 2010 until January 25, 2010. Jim leaves the Ashram headed home on January 11, 2010 while I will be staying until February 4, 2010. This means that there is a good chance that I will be able to do the South India Tour with Amma - Yay!!!
I tell you...getting packed for both LA and India was a bit of a challenge this time around. I don't know whether it's because of the added stress of Christmas or just travelling with Jim?!?! Either way, we are now here in LA and have had our first meal at Baja Fresh (which I was craving) and now I am content.
I have recently taken up my knitting needles again and have been knitting up a storm. So...I am in the process of knitting myself a kimono style sweater which I worked on alot on the flight down fromVancouver. The Flight Attendants kept coming around asking me what I was making...I kept wanting to tell them to stop interrupting me as I was watching an episode of "House" with Jim on the computer.
It was nice that they took just great interest in my knitting and the Flight Attendant said to me as I disembarked, that she wants to see the sweater completed on my next flight. It's almost done anyhow!!!
I recently took a course in knitting with beads to make these really great chunky beaded necklaces. This is what I did for my four cousin sisters down in LA for Christmas gifts. I sure hope that they will like them. I also made one for my Mother. She seemed to like it. I am wondering if there is a way to make small enough ones for the Amma dolls and if that's even something that the Amma Doll Shop would like to have on-hand for sale?!?!
I feel as though my creative juices have started to flow and I am really excited about that. I hope to be able to harness some of that energy and produce some things for the Amma shop to sell and raise some money for the different charities. Seva is a great thing!
Will write more soon with details of the experiences and journey as it unfolds...
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah!
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah Everyone....
The blog starts again!
So Jim and I have arrived in Los Angeles today (December 20, 2009) at about 4pm. We are spending Christmas here and leaving December 26, 2009 on an Emirates flight to Kochin and then further to the Amritapuri Ashram.
This is Jim's FIRST time ever to India so I am very excited for him. Just found out Amma's going to be going on the South India Tour (Tamilnadu) on January 9, 2010 until January 25, 2010. Jim leaves the Ashram headed home on January 11, 2010 while I will be staying until February 4, 2010. This means that there is a good chance that I will be able to do the South India Tour with Amma - Yay!!!
I tell you...getting packed for both LA and India was a bit of a challenge this time around. I don't know whether it's because of the added stress of Christmas or just travelling with Jim?!?! Either way, we are now here in LA and have had our first meal at Baja Fresh (which I was craving) and now I am content.
I have recently taken up my knitting needles again and have been knitting up a storm. So...I am in the process of knitting myself a kimono style sweater which I worked on alot on the flight down fromVancouver. The Flight Attendants kept coming around asking me what I was making...I kept wanting to tell them to stop interrupting me as I was watching an episode of "House" with Jim on the computer.
It was nice that they took just great interest in my knitting and the Flight Attendant said to me as I disembarked, that she wants to see the sweater completed on my next flight. It's almost done anyhow!!!
I recently took a course in knitting with beads to make these really great chunky beaded necklaces. This is what I did for my four cousin sisters down in LA for Christmas gifts. I sure hope that they will like them. I also made one for my Mother. She seemed to like it. I am wondering if there is a way to make small enough ones for the Amma dolls and if that's even something that the Amma Doll Shop would like to have on-hand for sale?!?!
I feel as though my creative juices have started to flow and I am really excited about that. I hope to be able to harness some of that energy and produce some things for the Amma shop to sell and raise some money for the different charities. Seva is a great thing!
Will write more soon with details of the experiences and journey as it unfolds...
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Summer US Tour 2009...Wow...am I really going to do this?!?!
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
Seattle Programs were a given as it's my home city and we always do a lot of seva there, but really, am I going to do the entire US Tour this year???
The decision has been made and airline tickets have been booked and paid for. It seems that this year of 2009 would be my year to travel with Amma!
Seattle yielded some very amazing moments of true selfless service, being showered not only with flower petals by the Divine Mother but also with tonnes of Love and lessons which brought on a lot of humour.
I mentioned to Geetha Chechi and Hansa Chechi that I had brought 2 one pound bags of raw unsalted, unroasted cashews for Amma and that I didn't want them to circulate through the prasad table and get sold in the end as prasad. I wanted for Her to have something to eat on the road trip within the US and I know how much She loves cashews.
They both said that two pounds is a lot of cashews though and She will not keep that many for Herself. So I decided to take one pound to Her here in Seattle and give Her the other pound later (about half way through the tour) in Chicago. Both Geetha Chechi and Hansa Chechi felt that this was a better idea.
I took up the first pound along with the Amma dress that I had made at Amritapuri for Her and the two face cloths with borders of red hearts on them, all decorated nicely on a tray. Jim and I went for Darshan together (for every Darshan in Seattle this year) and as we were approaching and the next ones to be in Amma's Lap, I looked up at Geetha Chechi and asked her if she would tell Amma. Geetha Chechi said that I should say it and she would translate. So...I told Amma exactly what my intention was with the cashews (as I had told Geetha Chechi and Hansa Chechi earlier in the programs at Seattle.
Amma took hold of my right ear and pulled on it while telling me "there should be no conditions on your prasad offering". She took the bag of cashews and placed them in my half zipped up hoody (as if to say take them back with you). I gave Amma a very sad and disappointed child's look to which She frowned and pulled the bag back out of my hoody, looked at them and said to me "what if everyone gave Amma a bag like this, what would the state of Amma be - cholestorol and sugar" I looked over at Geetha Chechi and said "Amma knows I have another bag for Her in Chicago doesn't She" Geetha Chechi said that she had not said a word to Amma about that and Amma started laughing really loudly and started giving us Darshan. She was still laughing in my ear as She gave me Darshan. As I separated from Her, I looked at Her and said "I just want to make sure that Amma has something for the long roadtrips ahead" Amma responded by saying "I understand you innocence but prasad should have no conditions."
I got the message so loud and clear that the next day when we went up for Darshan (which was Devi Bhava) I decided to give Her the second bag and with it would come the message that She could do whatever She wanted to with it - She could keep it, She could sell it, it did not matter to me.
I had a big brass tray with wooden sandals in it for Amma to bless so that we could do Pada Puja to them in future in Vancouver and they were nicely decorated with all sorts of flower petals. Under this large tray was the second bag of cashews. It was completely hidden by the tray with the Padukas. As Devi blessed the sandals andthe tray moved to the left side She saw the bag of cashews and I said "Amma, you can do whatever you want with this bag - sell it, keep it - it's your choice" Amma smiled and rolled Her eyes as She gave me Darshan and pinched my cheek.
Later the next morning, I was right behond Christopher on stage as he was being married by Amma to his wife Cora. I was handing them the offerings that they had for Her. After they placed the garland on Amma, I handed them a shawl that they draped over Her shoulders and then handed forward a little cloth bag (I had no idea what was inside). They pulled out a bag of raw unsalted and unroasted cashews for Amma and as they handed it to Her, She leaned back in the chair and looked over Christopher's shoulder at me, smiled and rolled Her eyes.
I decided that I would give Her a bag of cashews in EVERY city now as the joke is good and it's created a nice little connection and communication with Her.
I had many other very beautiful experiences with Amma this year in Seattle. I took up my mini harmonium for blessings and Amma played it a little. She also gave me permission to get the video of that Darshan which is very special.
Amma held on to my hand one day at the end of the morning program as She stood and put on Her shoes which Prakash had been holding for Her.
One morning in Seattle I was sitting right at the corner edge of the pitham (platform) where Amma meditates with us. I had my Amma doll in my lap and She looked down at me and the way that I was caring for my doll and smiled and said "good"!
San Ramon on the other hand was quite challenging for me. I was on tour staff for just that location doing shuttle staff. Prachetas was the acting supervisor and he and I were staying at the same devotees house and we were together on the same shifts. He was constantly too wound up and stressed out and would take this out on some of the staff. It was getting to be a little too much. Not only were we not getting much time in the Hall with Mother, but then we were having to be on the receiving end of this kind of behaviour.
I gave Amma another bag of cashews in San Ramon and She gave me an apple alon gwith my regular prasad. She of course rolled Her eyes when I gave it to Her. This is a great on-going joke that I have with Her now and I love it!
The first Devi Bhava, I landed up giving my token away to Sanjay who had lost his/hers. Sanjay is a man who is going through the change to become a woman. His story is one that is quite sad and depressing and I felt that he needed Darshan more than I did and I knew that I would be able to receive Devi Bhava Darshan in other cities on tour. The second Devi Bhava in San Ramon, Bhavani Chechi requested that I not take Darshan and to spread the word to anyone else that I knew was doing the rest of the tour. Apparently, Amma wasn't feeling very well and She wouldn't make time if everyone received Darshan as She had to leave San Ramon by a certain time to make it to LA in time for the programs there. She is doing all of the tour in Her camper this year. So, I forfeited Devi Bhava Darshan that night too.
Los Angeles was a really nice program. The energy was a lot different than Seattle or San Ramon and it was a much more mellow atmosphere in my opinion. There was more room to move around and so it didn't feel as clastrophobic. The other thing I really loved about LA was that we were staying in the same hotel as all the programs, so if I felt tired or like I needed some space, it was easy enough to go up in the elevator to my room and veg out for a bit.
The first two days of public programs and the first day of the retreat I went out to the Beverly Hot Springs and just hung out there and got rejuvenated after the difficult and stressful times of San Ramon. In the best of times I find San Ramon to be difficult to cope with, let alone being on shuttle staff there.
I have been struggling a lot here around seva and tour staff because everyone wants me to be doing seva in their department but no one is willing to make me tour staff and then I realized that it is going to cost an additional $250 for all the meals on the public programs in each city as they are not covered for non-tour staff. The concept of seva is no longer selfless when they tell you to do lots of it on this tour and you might be considered for tour staff next year. All of a sudden this is no longer selfless service, this is service with the anticipation and expectation of a staff position the next year on tour (which may or may not happen for many reasons - they may not have any positions again, I may not have the availability to go on tour again next year).
Amala was great! She said to me that I am a full paying retreatant and I should do what I need to do for myself. If that means hanging out in the hotel room and watching TV and coming down to receive Darshan each day and going back up and eating ice cream in front of the TV, then that is exactly what I should do."
As a result, I have not really done much seva at all in LA. I just did my two hours of assigned retreatant seva and part of a jewellery shift, but then was told that I wasn't needed as it wasn't that busy. I guess I just needed to give myself permission to take care of myself and not to worry about what other people will or won't say or who I might be letting down or not by NOT busting my ass doing what they are calling "seva".
Selena (my cousin) lent me her car for the first three days that I was in LA so I had the ability to easily get around and do some stuff like the Beverly Hot Springs. I am so greatful to her for lending me her car. Monica (Selena's youger sister) was in town as well from Harvard Medical school and the three of us went for dinner on the second night of the retreat. I skipped the prasad dinner served by Amma to go with them as I figured I would get prasad dinner in every other retreat city since I don't know anyone in those cities.
In LA, I gave Amma a bag of cashews in Darshan one night and She gave me an apple again as part of my prasad. She gave me some very nice and long Darshans. On Devi Bhava night in LA, I gave Her a second bag of cashews and againShe gave me an apple and pinched my cheek. I find that to be such a huge blessing from Amma to have my cheek pinched. I always want to reciprocate but am afraid that they will kick me out of the hall for doing so. I know that people in India do it all the time. I saw it with my own eyes. She is just so...cute and adorable that I want to pinch those cheeks.
I took my Amma doll up with one of the sweaters that I made for it and told Amma that I made it and that I was going to make them for sale through the bookstore. Amma smiled and was happy to hear this.
Janaka and his Rabbi friend Karen came on Devi Bhava night to receive their first Darshan. They received token X3 so they were there till the very end and even saw Amma get into Her camper and leave for Albuquerque. They bought malas and had Mother bless them and place these items on them respectively. It was very nice to see their first Darshan.
Now I am in Albuquerque and it's only the first public program day which has been an 11am - 9pm program. Unfortunately, I am not in the same hotel as the program but I am in one that is just about 500 feet away.
I am looking forward to tomorrow as I have been going through some pretty rough emotional times since Devi Bhava in LA and I am feeling very emotionally raw at the moment. I am hoping that as I continue to spend time in the programs and around Amma, that these emotions will work themselves out and I will be able to retain a better sense of being.
Seattle Programs were a given as it's my home city and we always do a lot of seva there, but really, am I going to do the entire US Tour this year???
The decision has been made and airline tickets have been booked and paid for. It seems that this year of 2009 would be my year to travel with Amma!
Seattle yielded some very amazing moments of true selfless service, being showered not only with flower petals by the Divine Mother but also with tonnes of Love and lessons which brought on a lot of humour.
I mentioned to Geetha Chechi and Hansa Chechi that I had brought 2 one pound bags of raw unsalted, unroasted cashews for Amma and that I didn't want them to circulate through the prasad table and get sold in the end as prasad. I wanted for Her to have something to eat on the road trip within the US and I know how much She loves cashews.
They both said that two pounds is a lot of cashews though and She will not keep that many for Herself. So I decided to take one pound to Her here in Seattle and give Her the other pound later (about half way through the tour) in Chicago. Both Geetha Chechi and Hansa Chechi felt that this was a better idea.
I took up the first pound along with the Amma dress that I had made at Amritapuri for Her and the two face cloths with borders of red hearts on them, all decorated nicely on a tray. Jim and I went for Darshan together (for every Darshan in Seattle this year) and as we were approaching and the next ones to be in Amma's Lap, I looked up at Geetha Chechi and asked her if she would tell Amma. Geetha Chechi said that I should say it and she would translate. So...I told Amma exactly what my intention was with the cashews (as I had told Geetha Chechi and Hansa Chechi earlier in the programs at Seattle.
Amma took hold of my right ear and pulled on it while telling me "there should be no conditions on your prasad offering". She took the bag of cashews and placed them in my half zipped up hoody (as if to say take them back with you). I gave Amma a very sad and disappointed child's look to which She frowned and pulled the bag back out of my hoody, looked at them and said to me "what if everyone gave Amma a bag like this, what would the state of Amma be - cholestorol and sugar" I looked over at Geetha Chechi and said "Amma knows I have another bag for Her in Chicago doesn't She" Geetha Chechi said that she had not said a word to Amma about that and Amma started laughing really loudly and started giving us Darshan. She was still laughing in my ear as She gave me Darshan. As I separated from Her, I looked at Her and said "I just want to make sure that Amma has something for the long roadtrips ahead" Amma responded by saying "I understand you innocence but prasad should have no conditions."
I got the message so loud and clear that the next day when we went up for Darshan (which was Devi Bhava) I decided to give Her the second bag and with it would come the message that She could do whatever She wanted to with it - She could keep it, She could sell it, it did not matter to me.
I had a big brass tray with wooden sandals in it for Amma to bless so that we could do Pada Puja to them in future in Vancouver and they were nicely decorated with all sorts of flower petals. Under this large tray was the second bag of cashews. It was completely hidden by the tray with the Padukas. As Devi blessed the sandals andthe tray moved to the left side She saw the bag of cashews and I said "Amma, you can do whatever you want with this bag - sell it, keep it - it's your choice" Amma smiled and rolled Her eyes as She gave me Darshan and pinched my cheek.
Later the next morning, I was right behond Christopher on stage as he was being married by Amma to his wife Cora. I was handing them the offerings that they had for Her. After they placed the garland on Amma, I handed them a shawl that they draped over Her shoulders and then handed forward a little cloth bag (I had no idea what was inside). They pulled out a bag of raw unsalted and unroasted cashews for Amma and as they handed it to Her, She leaned back in the chair and looked over Christopher's shoulder at me, smiled and rolled Her eyes.
I decided that I would give Her a bag of cashews in EVERY city now as the joke is good and it's created a nice little connection and communication with Her.
I had many other very beautiful experiences with Amma this year in Seattle. I took up my mini harmonium for blessings and Amma played it a little. She also gave me permission to get the video of that Darshan which is very special.
Amma held on to my hand one day at the end of the morning program as She stood and put on Her shoes which Prakash had been holding for Her.
One morning in Seattle I was sitting right at the corner edge of the pitham (platform) where Amma meditates with us. I had my Amma doll in my lap and She looked down at me and the way that I was caring for my doll and smiled and said "good"!
San Ramon on the other hand was quite challenging for me. I was on tour staff for just that location doing shuttle staff. Prachetas was the acting supervisor and he and I were staying at the same devotees house and we were together on the same shifts. He was constantly too wound up and stressed out and would take this out on some of the staff. It was getting to be a little too much. Not only were we not getting much time in the Hall with Mother, but then we were having to be on the receiving end of this kind of behaviour.
I gave Amma another bag of cashews in San Ramon and She gave me an apple alon gwith my regular prasad. She of course rolled Her eyes when I gave it to Her. This is a great on-going joke that I have with Her now and I love it!
The first Devi Bhava, I landed up giving my token away to Sanjay who had lost his/hers. Sanjay is a man who is going through the change to become a woman. His story is one that is quite sad and depressing and I felt that he needed Darshan more than I did and I knew that I would be able to receive Devi Bhava Darshan in other cities on tour. The second Devi Bhava in San Ramon, Bhavani Chechi requested that I not take Darshan and to spread the word to anyone else that I knew was doing the rest of the tour. Apparently, Amma wasn't feeling very well and She wouldn't make time if everyone received Darshan as She had to leave San Ramon by a certain time to make it to LA in time for the programs there. She is doing all of the tour in Her camper this year. So, I forfeited Devi Bhava Darshan that night too.
Los Angeles was a really nice program. The energy was a lot different than Seattle or San Ramon and it was a much more mellow atmosphere in my opinion. There was more room to move around and so it didn't feel as clastrophobic. The other thing I really loved about LA was that we were staying in the same hotel as all the programs, so if I felt tired or like I needed some space, it was easy enough to go up in the elevator to my room and veg out for a bit.
The first two days of public programs and the first day of the retreat I went out to the Beverly Hot Springs and just hung out there and got rejuvenated after the difficult and stressful times of San Ramon. In the best of times I find San Ramon to be difficult to cope with, let alone being on shuttle staff there.
I have been struggling a lot here around seva and tour staff because everyone wants me to be doing seva in their department but no one is willing to make me tour staff and then I realized that it is going to cost an additional $250 for all the meals on the public programs in each city as they are not covered for non-tour staff. The concept of seva is no longer selfless when they tell you to do lots of it on this tour and you might be considered for tour staff next year. All of a sudden this is no longer selfless service, this is service with the anticipation and expectation of a staff position the next year on tour (which may or may not happen for many reasons - they may not have any positions again, I may not have the availability to go on tour again next year).
Amala was great! She said to me that I am a full paying retreatant and I should do what I need to do for myself. If that means hanging out in the hotel room and watching TV and coming down to receive Darshan each day and going back up and eating ice cream in front of the TV, then that is exactly what I should do."
As a result, I have not really done much seva at all in LA. I just did my two hours of assigned retreatant seva and part of a jewellery shift, but then was told that I wasn't needed as it wasn't that busy. I guess I just needed to give myself permission to take care of myself and not to worry about what other people will or won't say or who I might be letting down or not by NOT busting my ass doing what they are calling "seva".
Selena (my cousin) lent me her car for the first three days that I was in LA so I had the ability to easily get around and do some stuff like the Beverly Hot Springs. I am so greatful to her for lending me her car. Monica (Selena's youger sister) was in town as well from Harvard Medical school and the three of us went for dinner on the second night of the retreat. I skipped the prasad dinner served by Amma to go with them as I figured I would get prasad dinner in every other retreat city since I don't know anyone in those cities.
In LA, I gave Amma a bag of cashews in Darshan one night and She gave me an apple again as part of my prasad. She gave me some very nice and long Darshans. On Devi Bhava night in LA, I gave Her a second bag of cashews and againShe gave me an apple and pinched my cheek. I find that to be such a huge blessing from Amma to have my cheek pinched. I always want to reciprocate but am afraid that they will kick me out of the hall for doing so. I know that people in India do it all the time. I saw it with my own eyes. She is just so...cute and adorable that I want to pinch those cheeks.
I took my Amma doll up with one of the sweaters that I made for it and told Amma that I made it and that I was going to make them for sale through the bookstore. Amma smiled and was happy to hear this.
Janaka and his Rabbi friend Karen came on Devi Bhava night to receive their first Darshan. They received token X3 so they were there till the very end and even saw Amma get into Her camper and leave for Albuquerque. They bought malas and had Mother bless them and place these items on them respectively. It was very nice to see their first Darshan.
Now I am in Albuquerque and it's only the first public program day which has been an 11am - 9pm program. Unfortunately, I am not in the same hotel as the program but I am in one that is just about 500 feet away.
I am looking forward to tomorrow as I have been going through some pretty rough emotional times since Devi Bhava in LA and I am feeling very emotionally raw at the moment. I am hoping that as I continue to spend time in the programs and around Amma, that these emotions will work themselves out and I will be able to retain a better sense of being.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Baisakhi in Kenya this Year...
April 13, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
So...Happy Baisakhi to all of my Sikh Family and friends! It's weird to be in Kenya on Baisakhi at an Amma Program, but then it's also completely perfect.
We arrived at the hall a little later this morning since we did not have to set anything up. Today there were more Africans who showed up to the program. I was told later that they were all on payroll with the owner of the rose farm (one the big wigs in the Satsang in Kenya) and that he paid them their regular wage for the day but had them all come to the program to receive Darshan. There is something really odd about that.
All Staff members were asked to sit down during the Satsang and Bhajans as the hall was appearing really empty (both days).
I love working in the bookstore doing sales and/or cash. It's an opportunity to meet a lot of different people and see their reactions to their Darshan experiences through what and how much they purchase. It's really interesting! It's also a great opportunity to spend time with Swamini and build a relationship with her.
I did go off today again in the afternoon to do some shopping at the local Kenyan Market. That was a real trip. Every little shop has the same merchandise as the one next to it, yet they ALL want you to come in and see their goods. It starts with this invitation to come in and "look" and very quickly turns into this total "pressurized sale" as though you are in a pressure cooker and you just have to get out!
Anyhow...I was able to use my infinitely wonderful bargain skills and get several items for Jimmy and myself as a memory of my travels there moreso than anything.
Getting back to the Program Hall was the best thing that could have happened to me at that point in time. I was feeling really fried in the Market and needed some grounding. I was also expected to be up on stage behind Amma helping Brahmananda and Lola with the ceremonies at the end of Darshan. Amma did not do Devi Bhava here in Kenya so it was different to see the ceremonies done in Her form dressed in (soiled from the sweat and makeup of people's Darshan) white sari...energetically no different really, just visually different. I recognize that Amma, no matter how She is dressed, is the same ~ Divinity...ShivaShakti...the One and Only!
Amma landed up calling up all the Staff Members for Darshan (which we were not expecting) but that was really sweet. I wished Amma a "Baisakhi Mumbarak" and She smiled really brightly at me.
Again, we were back at our "lap of luxuries" by about 10:30pm after dinner at the Program Hall. The packing challenge is on. I have now acquired all sorts of things along the way on this Tour and have to try and squeeze it all into the duffle bag that I brought with me from the Ashram (which was full leaving there). I (somehow) managed to get it all in and was ready for the flight tomorrow.
We were picked up in the morning and were taken to a nearby restaurant for lunch. There was rumour last night that we were all going to be taken out to the rose farm owner's house (where Amma was staying) and would be served lunch by Amma there. Well, this did not happen. As a result, when we arrived at the restaurant, Amala and I took off to the Kenyan Market as she wanted to get some items for her husband. We were able to make it there and back within plenty of time to still eat and sit around waiting for the buses to take us to the airport.
Amma was on the same flight as we were, but we did not see Her at all as there were two separate doors - one for the first class and business class passengers (which She entered through) and one for the rest of us poor sardines in the back of the plane. The curtain was very quickly drawn so we did not even get much glimpses of Her.
I slept the entire way back to Kochin and was happy to be back in India ready to make my way with Sarvaga and Pasupati to the Ashram by train. I was done like dinner. I need some R&R time now. I know how Amma does it ~ She the Divine Mother, but I don't know how Swamini does it...God bless her!
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
So...Happy Baisakhi to all of my Sikh Family and friends! It's weird to be in Kenya on Baisakhi at an Amma Program, but then it's also completely perfect.
We arrived at the hall a little later this morning since we did not have to set anything up. Today there were more Africans who showed up to the program. I was told later that they were all on payroll with the owner of the rose farm (one the big wigs in the Satsang in Kenya) and that he paid them their regular wage for the day but had them all come to the program to receive Darshan. There is something really odd about that.
All Staff members were asked to sit down during the Satsang and Bhajans as the hall was appearing really empty (both days).
I love working in the bookstore doing sales and/or cash. It's an opportunity to meet a lot of different people and see their reactions to their Darshan experiences through what and how much they purchase. It's really interesting! It's also a great opportunity to spend time with Swamini and build a relationship with her.
I did go off today again in the afternoon to do some shopping at the local Kenyan Market. That was a real trip. Every little shop has the same merchandise as the one next to it, yet they ALL want you to come in and see their goods. It starts with this invitation to come in and "look" and very quickly turns into this total "pressurized sale" as though you are in a pressure cooker and you just have to get out!
Anyhow...I was able to use my infinitely wonderful bargain skills and get several items for Jimmy and myself as a memory of my travels there moreso than anything.
Getting back to the Program Hall was the best thing that could have happened to me at that point in time. I was feeling really fried in the Market and needed some grounding. I was also expected to be up on stage behind Amma helping Brahmananda and Lola with the ceremonies at the end of Darshan. Amma did not do Devi Bhava here in Kenya so it was different to see the ceremonies done in Her form dressed in (soiled from the sweat and makeup of people's Darshan) white sari...energetically no different really, just visually different. I recognize that Amma, no matter how She is dressed, is the same ~ Divinity...ShivaShakti...the One and Only!
Amma landed up calling up all the Staff Members for Darshan (which we were not expecting) but that was really sweet. I wished Amma a "Baisakhi Mumbarak" and She smiled really brightly at me.
Again, we were back at our "lap of luxuries" by about 10:30pm after dinner at the Program Hall. The packing challenge is on. I have now acquired all sorts of things along the way on this Tour and have to try and squeeze it all into the duffle bag that I brought with me from the Ashram (which was full leaving there). I (somehow) managed to get it all in and was ready for the flight tomorrow.
We were picked up in the morning and were taken to a nearby restaurant for lunch. There was rumour last night that we were all going to be taken out to the rose farm owner's house (where Amma was staying) and would be served lunch by Amma there. Well, this did not happen. As a result, when we arrived at the restaurant, Amala and I took off to the Kenyan Market as she wanted to get some items for her husband. We were able to make it there and back within plenty of time to still eat and sit around waiting for the buses to take us to the airport.
Amma was on the same flight as we were, but we did not see Her at all as there were two separate doors - one for the first class and business class passengers (which She entered through) and one for the rest of us poor sardines in the back of the plane. The curtain was very quickly drawn so we did not even get much glimpses of Her.
I slept the entire way back to Kochin and was happy to be back in India ready to make my way with Sarvaga and Pasupati to the Ashram by train. I was done like dinner. I need some R&R time now. I know how Amma does it ~ She the Divine Mother, but I don't know how Swamini does it...God bless her!
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