Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
Seattle Programs were a given as it's my home city and we always do a lot of seva there, but really, am I going to do the entire US Tour this year???
The decision has been made and airline tickets have been booked and paid for. It seems that this year of 2009 would be my year to travel with Amma!
Seattle yielded some very amazing moments of true selfless service, being showered not only with flower petals by the Divine Mother but also with tonnes of Love and lessons which brought on a lot of humour.
I mentioned to Geetha Chechi and Hansa Chechi that I had brought 2 one pound bags of raw unsalted, unroasted cashews for Amma and that I didn't want them to circulate through the prasad table and get sold in the end as prasad. I wanted for Her to have something to eat on the road trip within the US and I know how much She loves cashews.
They both said that two pounds is a lot of cashews though and She will not keep that many for Herself. So I decided to take one pound to Her here in Seattle and give Her the other pound later (about half way through the tour) in Chicago. Both Geetha Chechi and Hansa Chechi felt that this was a better idea.
I took up the first pound along with the Amma dress that I had made at Amritapuri for Her and the two face cloths with borders of red hearts on them, all decorated nicely on a tray. Jim and I went for Darshan together (for every Darshan in Seattle this year) and as we were approaching and the next ones to be in Amma's Lap, I looked up at Geetha Chechi and asked her if she would tell Amma. Geetha Chechi said that I should say it and she would translate. So...I told Amma exactly what my intention was with the cashews (as I had told Geetha Chechi and Hansa Chechi earlier in the programs at Seattle.
Amma took hold of my right ear and pulled on it while telling me "there should be no conditions on your prasad offering". She took the bag of cashews and placed them in my half zipped up hoody (as if to say take them back with you). I gave Amma a very sad and disappointed child's look to which She frowned and pulled the bag back out of my hoody, looked at them and said to me "what if everyone gave Amma a bag like this, what would the state of Amma be - cholestorol and sugar" I looked over at Geetha Chechi and said "Amma knows I have another bag for Her in Chicago doesn't She" Geetha Chechi said that she had not said a word to Amma about that and Amma started laughing really loudly and started giving us Darshan. She was still laughing in my ear as She gave me Darshan. As I separated from Her, I looked at Her and said "I just want to make sure that Amma has something for the long roadtrips ahead" Amma responded by saying "I understand you innocence but prasad should have no conditions."
I got the message so loud and clear that the next day when we went up for Darshan (which was Devi Bhava) I decided to give Her the second bag and with it would come the message that She could do whatever She wanted to with it - She could keep it, She could sell it, it did not matter to me.
I had a big brass tray with wooden sandals in it for Amma to bless so that we could do Pada Puja to them in future in Vancouver and they were nicely decorated with all sorts of flower petals. Under this large tray was the second bag of cashews. It was completely hidden by the tray with the Padukas. As Devi blessed the sandals andthe tray moved to the left side She saw the bag of cashews and I said "Amma, you can do whatever you want with this bag - sell it, keep it - it's your choice" Amma smiled and rolled Her eyes as She gave me Darshan and pinched my cheek.
Later the next morning, I was right behond Christopher on stage as he was being married by Amma to his wife Cora. I was handing them the offerings that they had for Her. After they placed the garland on Amma, I handed them a shawl that they draped over Her shoulders and then handed forward a little cloth bag (I had no idea what was inside). They pulled out a bag of raw unsalted and unroasted cashews for Amma and as they handed it to Her, She leaned back in the chair and looked over Christopher's shoulder at me, smiled and rolled Her eyes.
I decided that I would give Her a bag of cashews in EVERY city now as the joke is good and it's created a nice little connection and communication with Her.
I had many other very beautiful experiences with Amma this year in Seattle. I took up my mini harmonium for blessings and Amma played it a little. She also gave me permission to get the video of that Darshan which is very special.
Amma held on to my hand one day at the end of the morning program as She stood and put on Her shoes which Prakash had been holding for Her.
One morning in Seattle I was sitting right at the corner edge of the pitham (platform) where Amma meditates with us. I had my Amma doll in my lap and She looked down at me and the way that I was caring for my doll and smiled and said "good"!
San Ramon on the other hand was quite challenging for me. I was on tour staff for just that location doing shuttle staff. Prachetas was the acting supervisor and he and I were staying at the same devotees house and we were together on the same shifts. He was constantly too wound up and stressed out and would take this out on some of the staff. It was getting to be a little too much. Not only were we not getting much time in the Hall with Mother, but then we were having to be on the receiving end of this kind of behaviour.
I gave Amma another bag of cashews in San Ramon and She gave me an apple alon gwith my regular prasad. She of course rolled Her eyes when I gave it to Her. This is a great on-going joke that I have with Her now and I love it!
The first Devi Bhava, I landed up giving my token away to Sanjay who had lost his/hers. Sanjay is a man who is going through the change to become a woman. His story is one that is quite sad and depressing and I felt that he needed Darshan more than I did and I knew that I would be able to receive Devi Bhava Darshan in other cities on tour. The second Devi Bhava in San Ramon, Bhavani Chechi requested that I not take Darshan and to spread the word to anyone else that I knew was doing the rest of the tour. Apparently, Amma wasn't feeling very well and She wouldn't make time if everyone received Darshan as She had to leave San Ramon by a certain time to make it to LA in time for the programs there. She is doing all of the tour in Her camper this year. So, I forfeited Devi Bhava Darshan that night too.
Los Angeles was a really nice program. The energy was a lot different than Seattle or San Ramon and it was a much more mellow atmosphere in my opinion. There was more room to move around and so it didn't feel as clastrophobic. The other thing I really loved about LA was that we were staying in the same hotel as all the programs, so if I felt tired or like I needed some space, it was easy enough to go up in the elevator to my room and veg out for a bit.
The first two days of public programs and the first day of the retreat I went out to the Beverly Hot Springs and just hung out there and got rejuvenated after the difficult and stressful times of San Ramon. In the best of times I find San Ramon to be difficult to cope with, let alone being on shuttle staff there.
I have been struggling a lot here around seva and tour staff because everyone wants me to be doing seva in their department but no one is willing to make me tour staff and then I realized that it is going to cost an additional $250 for all the meals on the public programs in each city as they are not covered for non-tour staff. The concept of seva is no longer selfless when they tell you to do lots of it on this tour and you might be considered for tour staff next year. All of a sudden this is no longer selfless service, this is service with the anticipation and expectation of a staff position the next year on tour (which may or may not happen for many reasons - they may not have any positions again, I may not have the availability to go on tour again next year).
Amala was great! She said to me that I am a full paying retreatant and I should do what I need to do for myself. If that means hanging out in the hotel room and watching TV and coming down to receive Darshan each day and going back up and eating ice cream in front of the TV, then that is exactly what I should do."
As a result, I have not really done much seva at all in LA. I just did my two hours of assigned retreatant seva and part of a jewellery shift, but then was told that I wasn't needed as it wasn't that busy. I guess I just needed to give myself permission to take care of myself and not to worry about what other people will or won't say or who I might be letting down or not by NOT busting my ass doing what they are calling "seva".
Selena (my cousin) lent me her car for the first three days that I was in LA so I had the ability to easily get around and do some stuff like the Beverly Hot Springs. I am so greatful to her for lending me her car. Monica (Selena's youger sister) was in town as well from Harvard Medical school and the three of us went for dinner on the second night of the retreat. I skipped the prasad dinner served by Amma to go with them as I figured I would get prasad dinner in every other retreat city since I don't know anyone in those cities.
In LA, I gave Amma a bag of cashews in Darshan one night and She gave me an apple again as part of my prasad. She gave me some very nice and long Darshans. On Devi Bhava night in LA, I gave Her a second bag of cashews and againShe gave me an apple and pinched my cheek. I find that to be such a huge blessing from Amma to have my cheek pinched. I always want to reciprocate but am afraid that they will kick me out of the hall for doing so. I know that people in India do it all the time. I saw it with my own eyes. She is just so...cute and adorable that I want to pinch those cheeks.
I took my Amma doll up with one of the sweaters that I made for it and told Amma that I made it and that I was going to make them for sale through the bookstore. Amma smiled and was happy to hear this.
Janaka and his Rabbi friend Karen came on Devi Bhava night to receive their first Darshan. They received token X3 so they were there till the very end and even saw Amma get into Her camper and leave for Albuquerque. They bought malas and had Mother bless them and place these items on them respectively. It was very nice to see their first Darshan.
Now I am in Albuquerque and it's only the first public program day which has been an 11am - 9pm program. Unfortunately, I am not in the same hotel as the program but I am in one that is just about 500 feet away.
I am looking forward to tomorrow as I have been going through some pretty rough emotional times since Devi Bhava in LA and I am feeling very emotionally raw at the moment. I am hoping that as I continue to spend time in the programs and around Amma, that these emotions will work themselves out and I will be able to retain a better sense of being.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
Baisakhi in Kenya this Year...
April 13, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
So...Happy Baisakhi to all of my Sikh Family and friends! It's weird to be in Kenya on Baisakhi at an Amma Program, but then it's also completely perfect.
We arrived at the hall a little later this morning since we did not have to set anything up. Today there were more Africans who showed up to the program. I was told later that they were all on payroll with the owner of the rose farm (one the big wigs in the Satsang in Kenya) and that he paid them their regular wage for the day but had them all come to the program to receive Darshan. There is something really odd about that.
All Staff members were asked to sit down during the Satsang and Bhajans as the hall was appearing really empty (both days).
I love working in the bookstore doing sales and/or cash. It's an opportunity to meet a lot of different people and see their reactions to their Darshan experiences through what and how much they purchase. It's really interesting! It's also a great opportunity to spend time with Swamini and build a relationship with her.
I did go off today again in the afternoon to do some shopping at the local Kenyan Market. That was a real trip. Every little shop has the same merchandise as the one next to it, yet they ALL want you to come in and see their goods. It starts with this invitation to come in and "look" and very quickly turns into this total "pressurized sale" as though you are in a pressure cooker and you just have to get out!
Anyhow...I was able to use my infinitely wonderful bargain skills and get several items for Jimmy and myself as a memory of my travels there moreso than anything.
Getting back to the Program Hall was the best thing that could have happened to me at that point in time. I was feeling really fried in the Market and needed some grounding. I was also expected to be up on stage behind Amma helping Brahmananda and Lola with the ceremonies at the end of Darshan. Amma did not do Devi Bhava here in Kenya so it was different to see the ceremonies done in Her form dressed in (soiled from the sweat and makeup of people's Darshan) white sari...energetically no different really, just visually different. I recognize that Amma, no matter how She is dressed, is the same ~ Divinity...ShivaShakti...the One and Only!
Amma landed up calling up all the Staff Members for Darshan (which we were not expecting) but that was really sweet. I wished Amma a "Baisakhi Mumbarak" and She smiled really brightly at me.
Again, we were back at our "lap of luxuries" by about 10:30pm after dinner at the Program Hall. The packing challenge is on. I have now acquired all sorts of things along the way on this Tour and have to try and squeeze it all into the duffle bag that I brought with me from the Ashram (which was full leaving there). I (somehow) managed to get it all in and was ready for the flight tomorrow.
We were picked up in the morning and were taken to a nearby restaurant for lunch. There was rumour last night that we were all going to be taken out to the rose farm owner's house (where Amma was staying) and would be served lunch by Amma there. Well, this did not happen. As a result, when we arrived at the restaurant, Amala and I took off to the Kenyan Market as she wanted to get some items for her husband. We were able to make it there and back within plenty of time to still eat and sit around waiting for the buses to take us to the airport.
Amma was on the same flight as we were, but we did not see Her at all as there were two separate doors - one for the first class and business class passengers (which She entered through) and one for the rest of us poor sardines in the back of the plane. The curtain was very quickly drawn so we did not even get much glimpses of Her.
I slept the entire way back to Kochin and was happy to be back in India ready to make my way with Sarvaga and Pasupati to the Ashram by train. I was done like dinner. I need some R&R time now. I know how Amma does it ~ She the Divine Mother, but I don't know how Swamini does it...God bless her!
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
So...Happy Baisakhi to all of my Sikh Family and friends! It's weird to be in Kenya on Baisakhi at an Amma Program, but then it's also completely perfect.
We arrived at the hall a little later this morning since we did not have to set anything up. Today there were more Africans who showed up to the program. I was told later that they were all on payroll with the owner of the rose farm (one the big wigs in the Satsang in Kenya) and that he paid them their regular wage for the day but had them all come to the program to receive Darshan. There is something really odd about that.
All Staff members were asked to sit down during the Satsang and Bhajans as the hall was appearing really empty (both days).
I love working in the bookstore doing sales and/or cash. It's an opportunity to meet a lot of different people and see their reactions to their Darshan experiences through what and how much they purchase. It's really interesting! It's also a great opportunity to spend time with Swamini and build a relationship with her.
I did go off today again in the afternoon to do some shopping at the local Kenyan Market. That was a real trip. Every little shop has the same merchandise as the one next to it, yet they ALL want you to come in and see their goods. It starts with this invitation to come in and "look" and very quickly turns into this total "pressurized sale" as though you are in a pressure cooker and you just have to get out!
Anyhow...I was able to use my infinitely wonderful bargain skills and get several items for Jimmy and myself as a memory of my travels there moreso than anything.
Getting back to the Program Hall was the best thing that could have happened to me at that point in time. I was feeling really fried in the Market and needed some grounding. I was also expected to be up on stage behind Amma helping Brahmananda and Lola with the ceremonies at the end of Darshan. Amma did not do Devi Bhava here in Kenya so it was different to see the ceremonies done in Her form dressed in (soiled from the sweat and makeup of people's Darshan) white sari...energetically no different really, just visually different. I recognize that Amma, no matter how She is dressed, is the same ~ Divinity...ShivaShakti...the One and Only!
Amma landed up calling up all the Staff Members for Darshan (which we were not expecting) but that was really sweet. I wished Amma a "Baisakhi Mumbarak" and She smiled really brightly at me.
Again, we were back at our "lap of luxuries" by about 10:30pm after dinner at the Program Hall. The packing challenge is on. I have now acquired all sorts of things along the way on this Tour and have to try and squeeze it all into the duffle bag that I brought with me from the Ashram (which was full leaving there). I (somehow) managed to get it all in and was ready for the flight tomorrow.
We were picked up in the morning and were taken to a nearby restaurant for lunch. There was rumour last night that we were all going to be taken out to the rose farm owner's house (where Amma was staying) and would be served lunch by Amma there. Well, this did not happen. As a result, when we arrived at the restaurant, Amala and I took off to the Kenyan Market as she wanted to get some items for her husband. We were able to make it there and back within plenty of time to still eat and sit around waiting for the buses to take us to the airport.
Amma was on the same flight as we were, but we did not see Her at all as there were two separate doors - one for the first class and business class passengers (which She entered through) and one for the rest of us poor sardines in the back of the plane. The curtain was very quickly drawn so we did not even get much glimpses of Her.
I slept the entire way back to Kochin and was happy to be back in India ready to make my way with Sarvaga and Pasupati to the Ashram by train. I was done like dinner. I need some R&R time now. I know how Amma does it ~ She the Divine Mother, but I don't know how Swamini does it...God bless her!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
First Day in Kenya Programs
April 12, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
The bus came and collected us from the "lap of luxury" apartments at 6:30am and we went to the Hall to set up the bookstore. The local devotees had attempted to set up the bookstore the night before with the stock that they had on hand. They did a really nice job of making displays with African cloths and textiles to cover the plastic containers that made up these multi-level tiers of a display, but it was not very economical with space. We ended up tearing down a good portion of what they had done and re-doing it much more economically while keeping their ideas of the multi-tiered displays.
Amma arrived at 10:30am and there were African Dancers to usher Her into the Hall. I took pictures of these dancers and live instrumentalists (drummers) as they were really good and seemed to really like the attention of the cameras.
On stage, Amma was greeted by the Masai (one male and one female) and was adorned with the attire of an Elder. There is significance of each of the 5 items in the attire. They are as follows:
The attire and the Regalia of Elder consists of 5 items. Each of these 5 items has a very special significance.
Blue skirt:
The Blue skirt, signifies a female Masai Elder. Only the female Elder wears a blue skirt.
White top:
Spiritual Leaders/Elders wear white top, white signifies purity and peace but most of all spirituality.
Ornaments:
The ornaments consist of necklace, headgear and wrists or arm bracelets. Each ornament is decorated with a large number of very colourful beads. The beads symbolize people of different origins, different beliefs, different faiths, different religions. All brought together to make a unique, and colourful item which shows unity and harmony.
Masai Milk Gourd:
Milk is a basic but most significant of all Masai foods. The colour of milk – white once again — signifies purity and peace. We understand that no Masai ritual is complete without milk being part of it.
Leather Sandals:
This is to assist you to walk long distances and to take you wherever you need to go far and wide. To spread your message of love, compassion, empathy and tolerance.
After this, the renowned advocate and human rights defender Dr. P.L.O Lumumba delivered a rousing speech. His speech was so powerful I felt as though I was in front of Dr. Martin Luther King himself. He drew a co-relation of Jesus sacrificing His life today (as it was Easter Sunday) for Love and Peace and Amma, the embodiment of the same was here to offer Darshan in a country that is in so much need of this.
At one point, he referred to Amma as an amazing human who travels the world spreading this message and then just minutes later acknowledged Her as an Avatar. It was extremely powerful and moving. I don't think I have to tell you that I was drawn to tears by his presentation to Amma, but I was.
Unfortunately, Kenya is not a very safe place to be out in public once the sun goes down. As such, Amma was only offering day programs in Kenya that would begin at about 10:30am upon Her arrival at the Hall and would go until about 7:30pm. This happened both days that we were in Kenya. On the first day, there were not very many Africans in the crowd at all. The only Africans that were present were the dignitaries on stage with Amma and the 54 orphans who were accepted into the orphanage that was being inaugurated by Amma's visit to Kenya.
I later found out that there were few Africans at the program because they could not afford to travel to the location of the Temple. Apparently, Amma had told the local Indian devotees, when they requested Her presence in Kenya for the opening of the orphanage, that only if the programs were held in a non-denominational public venue would She come to Kenya. The excuse that they later gave Her for going completely against Her request was that by the time She gave them Her dates of being in Kenya, there were no other venues available. I heard that the local Indian devotees were very controlling and racism is very big in Kenya. The Indians did not want the Africans to attend the programs therefore held it at a venue that was difficult for them to get to. This was (and still is) very upsetting to me as I could see how controlling the locallers were. I actually experienced it first hand working in the bookstore. The local devotees were trying to tell us how to do our jobs in the bookstore and in selling products and making change for the people purchasing items. This was very upsetting seeing that we had just finished doing this in 3 other tour cities with no such energy surrounding us in the bookstore.
It was very weird and a real test in just smiling and doing the very best that we could in loving and embracing all of these devotees who have been longing for Amma's Grace to shower upon them without gettig into our own vasanas (negative tendencies) and operating from that place in interaction with them.
Amma gave Darshan to the 54 totally adorable orphans which was completely heart-breaking to think that they were abandoned by their parents. The anticipation is that the orphanage will take in another 54 before too long amounting to 108 orphans. Really sad but also really heartening all at the same time.
I went to the Westgate Mall again today for a little while to find some native arts and clothing but was unsuccessful. Steven, the Ashram appointed driver said that he would take me tomorrow to get some stuff like that to take back to Canada.
Kenya doesn't seem anymore dangerous than India to me, even at night. We are all still forbidden to go out at night. Amma's programs ran from about 10:30am to 7:30pm and that's it. No evening programs for freight of the crowds and their safety at night. It was really odd to be back in our apartments by 10:30pm and getting prepared for bed. It felt as though we were suppose to be back at the hall to start the evening program with bhajans and Darshan.
Here We Go Again...
April 10, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
At 2pm today we will be on yet another flight to Mumbai for a 6 hour layover before flying to Nairobi, Kenya. This is absolutely ridiculous that we were already so close to Africa being in Mauritius and now we have to fly all the way back to India just to fly back to Kenya. This can't be helping the carbon footprints of each individual on this tour or the universe as a whole.
On the flight to Mumbai, since it was an afternoon flight and I had had a good night sleep before, I watched the movie "Marley and Me" and oh my God, I am missing Yogi and Bana beyond belief. The ending of this movie was quite sad and had me crying. It's a good thing that I watched the movie as I had this really weird lady sitting next to me on the plane who was very aggressive with the flight attendants and generally not a very nice woman.
I have decided to back to Amritapuri after Kenya and NOT do the Kochin Tour. I am feeling really "full" and been worked on so many levels - mental, physical, emotional and spiritual and I am feeling really good right now. I don't want to overdo it and feel bad about my entire experience of touring with Amma. Also, the India Tours are very different and you don't get a lot of close intimate time with Amma as we have had on this foreign tour. The Indian Tours (from my experience of the three cities before Singapore) was that they are very big and lots of crowds (not unlike India in general). I don't think I could handle the crowds and clastrophobia that would come along with the crowds.
So, I will go back to Amritapuri, take about 5 days and go to Varkala (beach resort about 2 hours form Amritapuri) and then come back to the Ashram and try to make arrangements to return home within the first week of May. Varkala will be a nice rejuvenation from being physically sick and energetically spent on this tour.
April 11, 2009
The trip from Mumbai to Nairobi on Kenya Air was great! I had 3 seats to myself and slept the entire 5 hours of the flight. It was the best flight yet!
Kenya is very rough looking and met all of my preconceived ideas. It is even more rough looking than India.
We were put up in some very, very nice fully furnished apartments and since we were the first to arrive, I took one of the two single beds in the bedroom with an ensuite bathroom. This is the lap of luxury compared to what we've been dealing with thusfar. In all the other places, it was the single thermarest with a shawl over it to provide some comfort on the floor. This was an actual bed with cushions and a pillow. It was a 2 bedroom apartment with 2 single beds in one of the rooms and a double bed in the other room. There were 8 guys assigned to each apartment.
I took a bit of a rest after getting settled into my room and slept for about an hour when I was told that there were some people in this mini-group of early travellers who were going to go to a nearby mall to catch a bus to the Safari. I got up and joined them on the bus.
We ended up eating really good sushi at the Westgate Mall and then most of us (Phillipe, Prabhu, Madhu Sri, Peggy, Parri and myself) went on to the Nairobi Safari Walk. This felt really good because finally I was starting to take in some of the local sites in the City that we were in. For Reunion Island and Mauritius, I was either really busy with tour staff duties or I was sick and in bed while everyone else enjoyed the town before the programs.
The Safari Walk was really nice and the animals did not seem like they were that upset by the fact that they were somewhat caged. Mostly, they had a lot of space to roam around in and feel secure in their surroundings. For feeding time, they were brought into cages but that is for the safety of the representatives of the park. I took some pretty amazing pictures of the lions and leopard and ostridge and other animals that we saw there.
We got to the Temple Hall where the programs are to be held at about 8pm and had a really good dinner and went back to the apartments. It was decided that we would arrive at the hall in the morning at about 6:30am to set up the bookstore as there was another party in that hall and we could not get access for another hour. No one wanted to wait around for that period of time as they had all just arrived and came straight to the hall for dinner.
I slept like a baby for the first time on tour (with the exception of when I was sick and drugged out of my mind to know any better).
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
At 2pm today we will be on yet another flight to Mumbai for a 6 hour layover before flying to Nairobi, Kenya. This is absolutely ridiculous that we were already so close to Africa being in Mauritius and now we have to fly all the way back to India just to fly back to Kenya. This can't be helping the carbon footprints of each individual on this tour or the universe as a whole.
On the flight to Mumbai, since it was an afternoon flight and I had had a good night sleep before, I watched the movie "Marley and Me" and oh my God, I am missing Yogi and Bana beyond belief. The ending of this movie was quite sad and had me crying. It's a good thing that I watched the movie as I had this really weird lady sitting next to me on the plane who was very aggressive with the flight attendants and generally not a very nice woman.
I have decided to back to Amritapuri after Kenya and NOT do the Kochin Tour. I am feeling really "full" and been worked on so many levels - mental, physical, emotional and spiritual and I am feeling really good right now. I don't want to overdo it and feel bad about my entire experience of touring with Amma. Also, the India Tours are very different and you don't get a lot of close intimate time with Amma as we have had on this foreign tour. The Indian Tours (from my experience of the three cities before Singapore) was that they are very big and lots of crowds (not unlike India in general). I don't think I could handle the crowds and clastrophobia that would come along with the crowds.
So, I will go back to Amritapuri, take about 5 days and go to Varkala (beach resort about 2 hours form Amritapuri) and then come back to the Ashram and try to make arrangements to return home within the first week of May. Varkala will be a nice rejuvenation from being physically sick and energetically spent on this tour.
April 11, 2009
The trip from Mumbai to Nairobi on Kenya Air was great! I had 3 seats to myself and slept the entire 5 hours of the flight. It was the best flight yet!
Kenya is very rough looking and met all of my preconceived ideas. It is even more rough looking than India.
We were put up in some very, very nice fully furnished apartments and since we were the first to arrive, I took one of the two single beds in the bedroom with an ensuite bathroom. This is the lap of luxury compared to what we've been dealing with thusfar. In all the other places, it was the single thermarest with a shawl over it to provide some comfort on the floor. This was an actual bed with cushions and a pillow. It was a 2 bedroom apartment with 2 single beds in one of the rooms and a double bed in the other room. There were 8 guys assigned to each apartment.
I took a bit of a rest after getting settled into my room and slept for about an hour when I was told that there were some people in this mini-group of early travellers who were going to go to a nearby mall to catch a bus to the Safari. I got up and joined them on the bus.
We ended up eating really good sushi at the Westgate Mall and then most of us (Phillipe, Prabhu, Madhu Sri, Peggy, Parri and myself) went on to the Nairobi Safari Walk. This felt really good because finally I was starting to take in some of the local sites in the City that we were in. For Reunion Island and Mauritius, I was either really busy with tour staff duties or I was sick and in bed while everyone else enjoyed the town before the programs.
The Safari Walk was really nice and the animals did not seem like they were that upset by the fact that they were somewhat caged. Mostly, they had a lot of space to roam around in and feel secure in their surroundings. For feeding time, they were brought into cages but that is for the safety of the representatives of the park. I took some pretty amazing pictures of the lions and leopard and ostridge and other animals that we saw there.
We got to the Temple Hall where the programs are to be held at about 8pm and had a really good dinner and went back to the apartments. It was decided that we would arrive at the hall in the morning at about 6:30am to set up the bookstore as there was another party in that hall and we could not get access for another hour. No one wanted to wait around for that period of time as they had all just arrived and came straight to the hall for dinner.
I slept like a baby for the first time on tour (with the exception of when I was sick and drugged out of my mind to know any better).
Friday, April 24, 2009
This Tour is Half Over...
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
Upon arriving in Mauritius from Reuion Island, I was very sick. That which I was feeling the night before at Devi Bhava was now full on and travelling on that super small plane from Reunion to Mauritius did not help. There was no room to breathe, it was very clastrophobic and the recycled air on planes did not help matters.
I went straight to bed upon arriving in Mauritius. We were being put up in a house on the next street over from the Amma Centre and Brahmastanam Temple. I did not realize until we were there, that Mauritius is a Brahmastanam Festival.
I was obviously NOT thinking straight as I landed up just pluncking myself down in the room that had the ONLY one adjoining bathroom. I did not realize that that room would be a high traffic room as a result, but all of the rooms would have been high traffic in retrospect because in order to access the room with the bathroom, one would have to go through all of the other rooms. the design of this place was not the greatest.
I was running a fever and found myself waking up in the middle of the night (it actually wasn't that late, but it seemed it to me) and had the Tour Doctor take a look at me. He gave me some pills for the fever to bring down the fever and some other pills for the pain as I was experiencing a very stiff headache. These drugs seemed to do the trick!
I was so out of it that first day and night that I didn't even know whether people were using the bathroom or not. I woke up the next morning and found that the others had arrived (the night before) and had figured out their place in this house. I also heard that some people had actually gone out last night and figured out the "lay of the land" as the Ashram was situated right on the main road. If you walk down that road just a little ways, you would come across a Pizza Hut and a KFC (go figure) and then the Courts were just a little further down the road.
I went out and had some food at Pizza Hut as I was starving and had no idea what the meal plan was with this Ashram. It seemed to be different in every tour city. The pizza was good and I got some Mauritius Rupees out of the machine and made my way back to the Ashram to find out what was going on there. I was in such a time warp what with being separated from the larger group (by having to be on these other flights) AND being sick, I had no idea when the first program was to be held or if I had already missed the first program.
When I arrived at the Ashram, I noticed that in the outdoor space next to the Ashram, there was a tin roof that was put up and the bookstore was being set up under that roof. I went and started to assist Amala in setting up the bookstore. Swamini was in a bit of a mood but I seemed to win her over. She was nothing but sweet to me, although I did see the Kali tongue come out in her toward others.
This was a really amazing city. I ended up being promoted to cashier for the bookstore for this entire stop. That was great. I really enjoyed working with the cash and creating change for people. We seemed to be really short staffed in Mauritius all of a sudden. I don't know whether it's because people over-worked themselves in the previous two stops and now had no more steam to carry through or whether they just didn't want to do the seva anymore. Part of the dilemma was that there were not a lot of local devotees to do a lot of the "prashad sevas" in the hall. I call them "prashad sevas" because they are not really considered seva. They are more considered blessings. To work around Amma in the capacity of token collecting, prashad giving, prashad running, prashad rolling, pulling, line, etc. these are all priviledges not seva.
Having said this, I had my fair share of doing some of those "prashad sevas" inside the hall as well as working my butt off at the bookstore this stop. Thank Amma, that we did not have to tear down and set-up each day again!
On this first night, when Aarti began, it was amazing. I was working in the bookstore and all of a sudden, EVERY single person in that outter hall area stood to feet in complete and utter reverance for Amma. I was so moved that I was literally drawn to tears and had to go over to Amala and cry my eyes out for a few moments.
Touring with the separation of men from women in foreign lands is a lot like my experiences of Scout camp. Needless to say, Amma was working on so many levels for me. Now, my childhood issues were starting to come up. Issues of being a "loner" and being "left out" were prevailing more than you can imagine.
Sexuality is a real issue on this human physical level. If we move "up" to the spiritual level then there is no issues. I was feeling like there was a clique being started that I was not a part of because of my sexuality. There were many guys who went out together for meals but would never consider inviting me. It was quite painful to go through this experience of the human realm.
We were in Mauritius for 3 days/nights of programs. There was no Devi Bhava here. There was only Devi Bhava in Singapore and Reunion Island. I was really greatful that we were able to see the end of both of those Devi Bhavas as there was some mention that we may not be able to since we were on the earlier flights to the next destination.
On the last evening, I did the Saturn Puja for Jan (Jim's aunt) whom I had a very strong image of when I performed that Puja for my parents in Banglore. By this point in the Tour, I had made up my mind that I was NOT going to do the Kochin Tour that Amma had planned immediately after our return from Kenya. I felt quite content with the experiences thusfar and felt that before I "overdid" it, I wanted to stop short so that I could return to the West with positive feelings about touring with Amma, not horrible disdain.
As such, I decided that this would be my last opportunity to do the Saturn Puja and I had put out that intention to perform that Puja specifically for Jan. Jim was in Denver at this time too, so that was kind of an interesting synchronicity. My spine started shaking and I got the shivers when Amma chanted "Prem do Jagadambe, Bhakti do Jagadambe, Vishvaas dekar Raksha Karo Jagadambe" This was a powerful Puja and I have the little package of vibhuti (sacred ash) and the receipt from the Puja to send off to Jan with a bit of an explanation of the Puja and its significance as well as the sacred ash as I know that she won't understand what to do with any of it.
Bhavani Chechi asked me to sing her a little bit of Kirtan while she handed out tokens on the last night (which was totally crazy and went until 4:30am). I sang her two lines of the Shabad "Satgur Ho-ay Dayal" and she said that I should sing it for Amma sometime. I said that I would love to sing it for Her and would she help me make that happen. Bhavani Chechi said "it will happen...it will happen"
I am so pleased that I did this tour as I have been able to make some really great connections with so many people. I had a really fun and good connection with 20 year old Laxman who has been playing with his facial hair and at times has looked like a typical Malayalee Film Star (if only his skin tone was a little darker)!!!
At the very end of Darshan on that last night, I got the chance to assist Kripa Prana, Amala and Brahmananda with passing things back and forth behind the Peetham for the ceremonies. There were some baby first feedings, some children starting school (so the first writings in a tray of rice) and some marriage ceremonies. by the end of all of the ceremonies, I was buried in Aarti trays, prashad trays of fruits and chocolates and garlands. Amma started singing Her new Punjabi Bhajan "Khol Dharvaaza Sheranwali" while I was stuck under all of these blessed trays of goodness that She had utilized to serve and bless the local devotees of Mauritius. I tell you, it doesn't get any better than this. I felt a little like Bibi Bhani (Guru Amar Das Ji's daughter) when she sat next to her Father and held his platform up with her hand as one of the legs of the platform had broken. This kind of dedication and devotion to the Divine Mother to just sit and hold in reverance all of the supplies for the ceremonies while She graced the Satsang with Her presence and enthused singing of a new high-energy Punjabi bhajan was what I was experiencing in that moment. It brings a great smile to my face even now as I recount that moment in my journalling and type it into this blog! Can I do that 27/7 - 365 days of the year?!?!
Upon arriving in Mauritius from Reuion Island, I was very sick. That which I was feeling the night before at Devi Bhava was now full on and travelling on that super small plane from Reunion to Mauritius did not help. There was no room to breathe, it was very clastrophobic and the recycled air on planes did not help matters.
I went straight to bed upon arriving in Mauritius. We were being put up in a house on the next street over from the Amma Centre and Brahmastanam Temple. I did not realize until we were there, that Mauritius is a Brahmastanam Festival.
I was obviously NOT thinking straight as I landed up just pluncking myself down in the room that had the ONLY one adjoining bathroom. I did not realize that that room would be a high traffic room as a result, but all of the rooms would have been high traffic in retrospect because in order to access the room with the bathroom, one would have to go through all of the other rooms. the design of this place was not the greatest.
I was running a fever and found myself waking up in the middle of the night (it actually wasn't that late, but it seemed it to me) and had the Tour Doctor take a look at me. He gave me some pills for the fever to bring down the fever and some other pills for the pain as I was experiencing a very stiff headache. These drugs seemed to do the trick!
I was so out of it that first day and night that I didn't even know whether people were using the bathroom or not. I woke up the next morning and found that the others had arrived (the night before) and had figured out their place in this house. I also heard that some people had actually gone out last night and figured out the "lay of the land" as the Ashram was situated right on the main road. If you walk down that road just a little ways, you would come across a Pizza Hut and a KFC (go figure) and then the Courts were just a little further down the road.
I went out and had some food at Pizza Hut as I was starving and had no idea what the meal plan was with this Ashram. It seemed to be different in every tour city. The pizza was good and I got some Mauritius Rupees out of the machine and made my way back to the Ashram to find out what was going on there. I was in such a time warp what with being separated from the larger group (by having to be on these other flights) AND being sick, I had no idea when the first program was to be held or if I had already missed the first program.
When I arrived at the Ashram, I noticed that in the outdoor space next to the Ashram, there was a tin roof that was put up and the bookstore was being set up under that roof. I went and started to assist Amala in setting up the bookstore. Swamini was in a bit of a mood but I seemed to win her over. She was nothing but sweet to me, although I did see the Kali tongue come out in her toward others.
This was a really amazing city. I ended up being promoted to cashier for the bookstore for this entire stop. That was great. I really enjoyed working with the cash and creating change for people. We seemed to be really short staffed in Mauritius all of a sudden. I don't know whether it's because people over-worked themselves in the previous two stops and now had no more steam to carry through or whether they just didn't want to do the seva anymore. Part of the dilemma was that there were not a lot of local devotees to do a lot of the "prashad sevas" in the hall. I call them "prashad sevas" because they are not really considered seva. They are more considered blessings. To work around Amma in the capacity of token collecting, prashad giving, prashad running, prashad rolling, pulling, line, etc. these are all priviledges not seva.
Having said this, I had my fair share of doing some of those "prashad sevas" inside the hall as well as working my butt off at the bookstore this stop. Thank Amma, that we did not have to tear down and set-up each day again!
On this first night, when Aarti began, it was amazing. I was working in the bookstore and all of a sudden, EVERY single person in that outter hall area stood to feet in complete and utter reverance for Amma. I was so moved that I was literally drawn to tears and had to go over to Amala and cry my eyes out for a few moments.
Touring with the separation of men from women in foreign lands is a lot like my experiences of Scout camp. Needless to say, Amma was working on so many levels for me. Now, my childhood issues were starting to come up. Issues of being a "loner" and being "left out" were prevailing more than you can imagine.
Sexuality is a real issue on this human physical level. If we move "up" to the spiritual level then there is no issues. I was feeling like there was a clique being started that I was not a part of because of my sexuality. There were many guys who went out together for meals but would never consider inviting me. It was quite painful to go through this experience of the human realm.
We were in Mauritius for 3 days/nights of programs. There was no Devi Bhava here. There was only Devi Bhava in Singapore and Reunion Island. I was really greatful that we were able to see the end of both of those Devi Bhavas as there was some mention that we may not be able to since we were on the earlier flights to the next destination.
On the last evening, I did the Saturn Puja for Jan (Jim's aunt) whom I had a very strong image of when I performed that Puja for my parents in Banglore. By this point in the Tour, I had made up my mind that I was NOT going to do the Kochin Tour that Amma had planned immediately after our return from Kenya. I felt quite content with the experiences thusfar and felt that before I "overdid" it, I wanted to stop short so that I could return to the West with positive feelings about touring with Amma, not horrible disdain.
As such, I decided that this would be my last opportunity to do the Saturn Puja and I had put out that intention to perform that Puja specifically for Jan. Jim was in Denver at this time too, so that was kind of an interesting synchronicity. My spine started shaking and I got the shivers when Amma chanted "Prem do Jagadambe, Bhakti do Jagadambe, Vishvaas dekar Raksha Karo Jagadambe" This was a powerful Puja and I have the little package of vibhuti (sacred ash) and the receipt from the Puja to send off to Jan with a bit of an explanation of the Puja and its significance as well as the sacred ash as I know that she won't understand what to do with any of it.
Bhavani Chechi asked me to sing her a little bit of Kirtan while she handed out tokens on the last night (which was totally crazy and went until 4:30am). I sang her two lines of the Shabad "Satgur Ho-ay Dayal" and she said that I should sing it for Amma sometime. I said that I would love to sing it for Her and would she help me make that happen. Bhavani Chechi said "it will happen...it will happen"
I am so pleased that I did this tour as I have been able to make some really great connections with so many people. I had a really fun and good connection with 20 year old Laxman who has been playing with his facial hair and at times has looked like a typical Malayalee Film Star (if only his skin tone was a little darker)!!!
At the very end of Darshan on that last night, I got the chance to assist Kripa Prana, Amala and Brahmananda with passing things back and forth behind the Peetham for the ceremonies. There were some baby first feedings, some children starting school (so the first writings in a tray of rice) and some marriage ceremonies. by the end of all of the ceremonies, I was buried in Aarti trays, prashad trays of fruits and chocolates and garlands. Amma started singing Her new Punjabi Bhajan "Khol Dharvaaza Sheranwali" while I was stuck under all of these blessed trays of goodness that She had utilized to serve and bless the local devotees of Mauritius. I tell you, it doesn't get any better than this. I felt a little like Bibi Bhani (Guru Amar Das Ji's daughter) when she sat next to her Father and held his platform up with her hand as one of the legs of the platform had broken. This kind of dedication and devotion to the Divine Mother to just sit and hold in reverance all of the supplies for the ceremonies while She graced the Satsang with Her presence and enthused singing of a new high-energy Punjabi bhajan was what I was experiencing in that moment. It brings a great smile to my face even now as I recount that moment in my journalling and type it into this blog! Can I do that 27/7 - 365 days of the year?!?!
Reunion Island is Beautiful but Exhausting!
April 2, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
What a long and tedious flight but we are here and this Ashram in Reunion Island is just magnificent. What a gorgeous and natural place. There is a lot of vegetation on the property and it's very free-flowing and organic. Just beautiful! There are little shrines all over with Shivalingams and statues of Devi all over. The paintings in the bhajan hall are just unreal. Apparently, a local devotee painted all of them. It's a shame though because apparently, there is no a lot of on-going activities at the Ashram in Reuion. It has all this beauty but it's not really being shared with many people.
The one good thing about being on these long drawn out flights was that we arrived in the next city before anyone else in the larger group so we had our free range of choices where to sleep. After putting down my stuff in my assigned room (which was quite comfortable with matresses on the floor) I went down to explore the grounds and have some food.
The amount of baguette and butter that we all consumed in Reunion and Mauritius combined is probably more bread than I have ever eaten in my entire life. It seemed that that was all we were being offered for morning breakfast and snacks. We learnt very quickly to be greatful for what we are offered!
Later that evening, Amma arrived with the rest of the clan. The local devotees started chanting "Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah" to the tune of Amma's famous "Aum Namah Shivaya" bhajan. It was quite powerful and Amma seemed to really love it. As soon as She arrived, She went straight to the kitchen area and wanted to serve everyone prashad. There was not a lot around and so She started asking for the prashad that they brought with them. Swamini told me that Dayalu had some in his bags and to get it from him. Dayalu brought that prashad to Amma and She started to serve it to everyone all the while saying it's prashad from the Brahmastanam Temple. She began by serving people pieces of coconut until the prashad materialized.
We were there for 4 days which meant 8 programs (one in the morning and one in the evening). Each program was held in a different venue with the exception of two programs (back to back) which were held in the same place. This meant that out of 8 programs, we had to tear down the bookstore and set it up again 7 times. This was just insane. We were so tired by the end of this stop.
I helped with the Bookstore set-up and the first 3 hours of the bookstore being open. Then, very quickly (on the first evening program) I was approached by Bhavani Chechi (big sister) to help her give out tokens. This landed up morphing into "token collector" which is a position right in front of Mother at the end of the Darshan line just on the threshold of where people are sitting on the chairs to where they begin to kneel on the ground in front of Amma. What a blessing this was to be in this role and so close to Amma. Often, I still couldn't see Her as there tends to be a nice little crowd around Her that blocked vision of Her to the people sitting just beyond the next few in line receiving Darshan, but it was fine. The energy of being that close to Her physically is more than words can describe.
The rules were very specific; every individual of the family in line to receive Darshan MUST have a token. If they didn't have a token, they needed to leave the line and get a token from Bhavani and return to the line for Darshan. I was following this as best I could. The people doing line entry and moving people up in the line were not checking to ensure that they ALL had tokens for Darshan so by the time they approached the front of the line, I would discover that they did not have a token and would have to remove them from the line. Also, the local devotees who were doing "Assistant Lap" position would just bring people in from the side lines without tokens. It was very challenging to say the least. I was able to make a good connection with Bhavani Chechi and Geetha Chechi doing this role.
April 3, 2009
Morning Programs (for the most part) were held at the Ashram where we were staying so that was kind of nice. I was working at the Bookstore when all of a sudden I was beckoned to Amma. All of a sudden I felt my heart shrink up and my mind start going at a million miles per second. I had no idea why I was being called to Her. She has never really acknowledged me before other than when I have gone for Darshan and in my dreams and meditations so what could this be about???
I came to Her right side where Geetha Chechi was and she leaned into me and gave me the head's up that someone complained to Amma last night that I had removed them from line because they didn't have a token. It was so kind of Geetha Chechi to inform me what this was about before Amma's Kali wrath came down on me. So...I officially received my first scolding from Amma.
Amma looked over at me and asked me if I had turned people out of the Darshan Line last night for not having a token. I said (coweressly) "yes" as that was the truth. I was told that each person needs to have their own token to receive Darshan.
Amma looked at me with a lot of compassion in Her eyes and shook Her head and said "No...if they come that near to Amma and they don't have a token, let it be, they don't know the process and to turn them away makes them sad and heavy-hearted"
I felt horrible and returned to my post at the Bookstore practically in tears for having done something so inconsiderate. Shortly after that, I was telling Swamini and Amala how I messed up and how I hoped that I would get the opportunity to redeem myself (as I thought for sure I will never be given that opportunity to serve Amma in that capacity again). All of a sudden, Bhavani Chechi swooped through the Bookstore and handed all the Tour Staff Darshan Tokens. Through the mass of shoppers, she readhed and handed me a token and commanded: "go for Darshan"
I thought - what's this? I just got scolded and now I am supposed to go for Darshan? I don't get it. Swamini gave me this really nice Amethyst and Pearl mala (necklace) to place on Amma to later sell as prashad through the bookstore. She knows me too well. Purple being my favourite colour and Amethyst at that, it was the perfect thing for me to take as an offering to Amma after my wrong-doing.
As I approached Amma with a very full heart and welled up eyes, I placed the mala over Amma's head and I said "Shemikkeneme Amme" which means "Forgive me Amma" to which she let out a big belly laugh. She took me into Her bossom for Darshan and again I said it to Her as I separated from Her. She pinched my left cheek and smiled and handed me prashad.
I went back to the bookstore seva and proptly asked Swamini how much that mala would cost - she said she'd let me know.
The evening program was at a gorgeous outdoor venue near the water. There were several yurts set up on these beautiful grounds. It was the kind of place where many weddings would probably be conducted. We were all so hungry and were having a very difficult time sitting through the Satsang and Bhajans without some food, but somehow (barely) we managed.
I worked in the bookstore the entire night. At the end of the night, Swamini gave me a bag of vibhuti (sacred ash) to take up to Amma to have blessed. I went up to Geetha Chechi's side witht he bag open and it was very sweet. Amma took some of the vibhuti and put it on my forehead and then Geetha Chechi said "open your mouth" and Amma popped a piece of chocolate in my mouth.
I immediately moved away as Darshan was still going on, it was just widing down. As Geetha Chechi, Bhavani Chechi and I got on the bus to go back to the Ashram, Geetha Chechi said that Amma asked where I had first come to see Her. Geetha Chechi said it must have been Seattle as he's Canadian. Amma apparently nodded Her head. It seems like I may have made it on the map in Amma's conscience.
The bus ride back was hellish. There were not enough seats for everyone and the aisle was full too. I was sitting at the very back of the bus on the floor in the aisle squashed. It was a 2 hour drive to the Ashram.
April 4, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
The morning program was again held at the Ashram and I worked the bookstore. My God, were my vasanas (negative tendencies) coming up or what. I kept feeling that all the cashiers were slacking. Amala is working really hard to break me of my "perfectionistic" way of being.
The evening program was held in a banquet hall (and this where the next morning program would be held too). I barely started working the bookstore and was whisked off to do token collecting again. I ended up doing it the entire night until the end of Darshan. It was great!
Amma got really upset with the locallers and Premananda Swami as the buses to the Ashram had left and the accomodations at this banquet hall were less than desirable. Amma laughed saying (in English) "buses gone and Prashanta gone too". (Prashanta was the organizer of this entire Tour).
She reamed out the local Swami and made him make arrangements for the women on Tour Staff. Men were stuck with the shitty accomodations.
April 5, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
I was woken up by the sounds of the women arriving in the morning from their various accomodation spots and placing their stuff down in the room that originally started out being the "womens room" in this banquet hall. There were not many men on tour to begin with and most of them fitin the smaller room that was designated the "mens room" but I stayed out in the open space of the (former) women's space. Amala laughed her head off when she saw that I was the only man sleeping in the women's area and thought that that was great! I told her that I don't really get the point. I mean the reason why men are separated from women - I get. But for me, being gay, it doesn't work to put me with the men. The temptation is through the roof. She laughed and agreed with my logic.
I worked part of the day at the bookstore and part of the day as token collector in the hall. I was really glad that my little mistake didn't prevent me from being able to do that role again.
As soon as the morning program was over, we took the bookstore over to the next (and final) hall which was at a Hindu Temple. This was where Devi Bhava was going to be held. It was a nice big hall and we set up the bookstore with quite a bit of anxst from people (on Tour). We kept just saying "we are all tired, so let's just try and breathe and not get on each others nerves too much". I started to feel really sick and was coming down with a cold. I had been sneezing a lot and started to get a scratchy throat. Yay...just in time for Devi Bhava, Mother is turning up the heat a little. As if that were not enough, it started pouring down with rain like I have never seen before in my life. It was like a tornado had hit or something. The roof of the hall was tin and the rain was so fierce that you couldn't even hear the bhajans on the sound system through the clinking of the rain pellets on tin roof. Every so often, Devi would look up to the roof and smile mischieviously! She was wearing a beautiful gold sari and looked just Divine!
We all (Tour Staff) received Darshan that night from Devi which was really sweet. Right after receiving Darshan, I had the opportunity to give prashad to Devi which was so sweet and then I sat just near Devi on the stage for some time. It was nearing the end of Devi Bhava and I came off stage and sat next to the musicians to be able to watch everyone walk around in circles in front of Devi and be showered with flower petals by the Divine Mother Herself.
We landed up waiting a long time before the bus came to collect us and take us to the same banquet hall of the night before (it seemed like a bad dream that just kept repeating itself) for a few hours of sleep before we were taken to the airport for our (earlier than anyone else) flight to Mauritius.
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
What a long and tedious flight but we are here and this Ashram in Reunion Island is just magnificent. What a gorgeous and natural place. There is a lot of vegetation on the property and it's very free-flowing and organic. Just beautiful! There are little shrines all over with Shivalingams and statues of Devi all over. The paintings in the bhajan hall are just unreal. Apparently, a local devotee painted all of them. It's a shame though because apparently, there is no a lot of on-going activities at the Ashram in Reuion. It has all this beauty but it's not really being shared with many people.
The one good thing about being on these long drawn out flights was that we arrived in the next city before anyone else in the larger group so we had our free range of choices where to sleep. After putting down my stuff in my assigned room (which was quite comfortable with matresses on the floor) I went down to explore the grounds and have some food.
The amount of baguette and butter that we all consumed in Reunion and Mauritius combined is probably more bread than I have ever eaten in my entire life. It seemed that that was all we were being offered for morning breakfast and snacks. We learnt very quickly to be greatful for what we are offered!
Later that evening, Amma arrived with the rest of the clan. The local devotees started chanting "Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah" to the tune of Amma's famous "Aum Namah Shivaya" bhajan. It was quite powerful and Amma seemed to really love it. As soon as She arrived, She went straight to the kitchen area and wanted to serve everyone prashad. There was not a lot around and so She started asking for the prashad that they brought with them. Swamini told me that Dayalu had some in his bags and to get it from him. Dayalu brought that prashad to Amma and She started to serve it to everyone all the while saying it's prashad from the Brahmastanam Temple. She began by serving people pieces of coconut until the prashad materialized.
We were there for 4 days which meant 8 programs (one in the morning and one in the evening). Each program was held in a different venue with the exception of two programs (back to back) which were held in the same place. This meant that out of 8 programs, we had to tear down the bookstore and set it up again 7 times. This was just insane. We were so tired by the end of this stop.
I helped with the Bookstore set-up and the first 3 hours of the bookstore being open. Then, very quickly (on the first evening program) I was approached by Bhavani Chechi (big sister) to help her give out tokens. This landed up morphing into "token collector" which is a position right in front of Mother at the end of the Darshan line just on the threshold of where people are sitting on the chairs to where they begin to kneel on the ground in front of Amma. What a blessing this was to be in this role and so close to Amma. Often, I still couldn't see Her as there tends to be a nice little crowd around Her that blocked vision of Her to the people sitting just beyond the next few in line receiving Darshan, but it was fine. The energy of being that close to Her physically is more than words can describe.
The rules were very specific; every individual of the family in line to receive Darshan MUST have a token. If they didn't have a token, they needed to leave the line and get a token from Bhavani and return to the line for Darshan. I was following this as best I could. The people doing line entry and moving people up in the line were not checking to ensure that they ALL had tokens for Darshan so by the time they approached the front of the line, I would discover that they did not have a token and would have to remove them from the line. Also, the local devotees who were doing "Assistant Lap" position would just bring people in from the side lines without tokens. It was very challenging to say the least. I was able to make a good connection with Bhavani Chechi and Geetha Chechi doing this role.
April 3, 2009
Morning Programs (for the most part) were held at the Ashram where we were staying so that was kind of nice. I was working at the Bookstore when all of a sudden I was beckoned to Amma. All of a sudden I felt my heart shrink up and my mind start going at a million miles per second. I had no idea why I was being called to Her. She has never really acknowledged me before other than when I have gone for Darshan and in my dreams and meditations so what could this be about???
I came to Her right side where Geetha Chechi was and she leaned into me and gave me the head's up that someone complained to Amma last night that I had removed them from line because they didn't have a token. It was so kind of Geetha Chechi to inform me what this was about before Amma's Kali wrath came down on me. So...I officially received my first scolding from Amma.
Amma looked over at me and asked me if I had turned people out of the Darshan Line last night for not having a token. I said (coweressly) "yes" as that was the truth. I was told that each person needs to have their own token to receive Darshan.
Amma looked at me with a lot of compassion in Her eyes and shook Her head and said "No...if they come that near to Amma and they don't have a token, let it be, they don't know the process and to turn them away makes them sad and heavy-hearted"
I felt horrible and returned to my post at the Bookstore practically in tears for having done something so inconsiderate. Shortly after that, I was telling Swamini and Amala how I messed up and how I hoped that I would get the opportunity to redeem myself (as I thought for sure I will never be given that opportunity to serve Amma in that capacity again). All of a sudden, Bhavani Chechi swooped through the Bookstore and handed all the Tour Staff Darshan Tokens. Through the mass of shoppers, she readhed and handed me a token and commanded: "go for Darshan"
I thought - what's this? I just got scolded and now I am supposed to go for Darshan? I don't get it. Swamini gave me this really nice Amethyst and Pearl mala (necklace) to place on Amma to later sell as prashad through the bookstore. She knows me too well. Purple being my favourite colour and Amethyst at that, it was the perfect thing for me to take as an offering to Amma after my wrong-doing.
As I approached Amma with a very full heart and welled up eyes, I placed the mala over Amma's head and I said "Shemikkeneme Amme" which means "Forgive me Amma" to which she let out a big belly laugh. She took me into Her bossom for Darshan and again I said it to Her as I separated from Her. She pinched my left cheek and smiled and handed me prashad.
I went back to the bookstore seva and proptly asked Swamini how much that mala would cost - she said she'd let me know.
The evening program was at a gorgeous outdoor venue near the water. There were several yurts set up on these beautiful grounds. It was the kind of place where many weddings would probably be conducted. We were all so hungry and were having a very difficult time sitting through the Satsang and Bhajans without some food, but somehow (barely) we managed.
I worked in the bookstore the entire night. At the end of the night, Swamini gave me a bag of vibhuti (sacred ash) to take up to Amma to have blessed. I went up to Geetha Chechi's side witht he bag open and it was very sweet. Amma took some of the vibhuti and put it on my forehead and then Geetha Chechi said "open your mouth" and Amma popped a piece of chocolate in my mouth.
I immediately moved away as Darshan was still going on, it was just widing down. As Geetha Chechi, Bhavani Chechi and I got on the bus to go back to the Ashram, Geetha Chechi said that Amma asked where I had first come to see Her. Geetha Chechi said it must have been Seattle as he's Canadian. Amma apparently nodded Her head. It seems like I may have made it on the map in Amma's conscience.
The bus ride back was hellish. There were not enough seats for everyone and the aisle was full too. I was sitting at the very back of the bus on the floor in the aisle squashed. It was a 2 hour drive to the Ashram.
April 4, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
The morning program was again held at the Ashram and I worked the bookstore. My God, were my vasanas (negative tendencies) coming up or what. I kept feeling that all the cashiers were slacking. Amala is working really hard to break me of my "perfectionistic" way of being.
The evening program was held in a banquet hall (and this where the next morning program would be held too). I barely started working the bookstore and was whisked off to do token collecting again. I ended up doing it the entire night until the end of Darshan. It was great!
Amma got really upset with the locallers and Premananda Swami as the buses to the Ashram had left and the accomodations at this banquet hall were less than desirable. Amma laughed saying (in English) "buses gone and Prashanta gone too". (Prashanta was the organizer of this entire Tour).
She reamed out the local Swami and made him make arrangements for the women on Tour Staff. Men were stuck with the shitty accomodations.
April 5, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
I was woken up by the sounds of the women arriving in the morning from their various accomodation spots and placing their stuff down in the room that originally started out being the "womens room" in this banquet hall. There were not many men on tour to begin with and most of them fitin the smaller room that was designated the "mens room" but I stayed out in the open space of the (former) women's space. Amala laughed her head off when she saw that I was the only man sleeping in the women's area and thought that that was great! I told her that I don't really get the point. I mean the reason why men are separated from women - I get. But for me, being gay, it doesn't work to put me with the men. The temptation is through the roof. She laughed and agreed with my logic.
I worked part of the day at the bookstore and part of the day as token collector in the hall. I was really glad that my little mistake didn't prevent me from being able to do that role again.
As soon as the morning program was over, we took the bookstore over to the next (and final) hall which was at a Hindu Temple. This was where Devi Bhava was going to be held. It was a nice big hall and we set up the bookstore with quite a bit of anxst from people (on Tour). We kept just saying "we are all tired, so let's just try and breathe and not get on each others nerves too much". I started to feel really sick and was coming down with a cold. I had been sneezing a lot and started to get a scratchy throat. Yay...just in time for Devi Bhava, Mother is turning up the heat a little. As if that were not enough, it started pouring down with rain like I have never seen before in my life. It was like a tornado had hit or something. The roof of the hall was tin and the rain was so fierce that you couldn't even hear the bhajans on the sound system through the clinking of the rain pellets on tin roof. Every so often, Devi would look up to the roof and smile mischieviously! She was wearing a beautiful gold sari and looked just Divine!
We all (Tour Staff) received Darshan that night from Devi which was really sweet. Right after receiving Darshan, I had the opportunity to give prashad to Devi which was so sweet and then I sat just near Devi on the stage for some time. It was nearing the end of Devi Bhava and I came off stage and sat next to the musicians to be able to watch everyone walk around in circles in front of Devi and be showered with flower petals by the Divine Mother Herself.
We landed up waiting a long time before the bus came to collect us and take us to the same banquet hall of the night before (it seemed like a bad dream that just kept repeating itself) for a few hours of sleep before we were taken to the airport for our (earlier than anyone else) flight to Mauritius.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Ahhh...At last - Singapore Clean Air!!!
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
We left the Banglore Ashram in the buses headed for the airport at about 6pm. Our next destination was Singapore!
I still cannot believe the inefficiency and disorganized nature of this entire Kenya Tour. I am finding myself reacting far less than I would under normal circumstances. This shows me that Amma is REALLY working on me on many levels. She is working on Jim through me I am SO sure of that too.
The excitement for this Tour is now brewing. As I boarded the Air India plane, I saw that Amma and Swamini were seated in the very first seats of the plane. Amma gave me the most beautiful smile and started tapping Her head. Now, in retrospect I think I know why. She knew that I was going to say "Mata Rani Ki Jai" softly to Her (which I did) and She said "Shhhh...we are on a plane" and held my hand and kissed it as I walked by.
It kind of feels sereal that I am on the same plane as the Divine Mother. It doesn't really feel or seem any different other than the constant knowing that She is there (which She always is anyhow) and the thought that if this plane goes down, I am PHYSICALLY with the Divine Mother. I am flying high in the clouds; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I guess it is a different flying experience afterall.
In Singapore, I was told that my Tour Staff Seva for the entire Tour would be Bookstore Sales. I was over the moon about that as Swamini and I get along fabulously and this was an opportunity to do what I love best and to deepen the existing relationship that I have with Swamini.
I was stationed at the Prashad Jewellery counter (of course) and sold alot of the Prashad. Swamini said at one point that she was going to turn over the entire bookstore to me!
The Programs were held in the Suntec City Center (Convention Center) right in the heart of the City with shopping opportunities right in the same building!
It was nice to be able to take breaks from my seva duties and go on window shopping extravaganzas.
Prashanta gave an old list to Swamini showing incorrect departure times from Singapore to Mumbai which would mean that we would miss the end of Devi Bhava - man, what a low that put me on.
Some of us were flying to Mumbai from Singapore and then to Mauritius to catch the flight to Reunion Island which is where the next stop is. Apparently, everyone has to fly through Mauritius to get to Reunion Island as it's such a small Island there is are no international flights that fly there.
Amma wore the most gorgeous purple sari for Devi Bhava in Singapore. I think that was specially for me since I had been saying just prior, that I have NEVER seen HER in purple yet.
It turns out that none of us had to miss the end of Devi Bhava as those of us who were unfortunate enough to have to fly through Mumbai and Mauritius to get to Reunion Island did not have to be at the Singapore Airport until later afternoon on the same day as Devi Bhava ended.
I am in for A LOT of travelling on planes on this tour.
We left the Banglore Ashram in the buses headed for the airport at about 6pm. Our next destination was Singapore!
I still cannot believe the inefficiency and disorganized nature of this entire Kenya Tour. I am finding myself reacting far less than I would under normal circumstances. This shows me that Amma is REALLY working on me on many levels. She is working on Jim through me I am SO sure of that too.
The excitement for this Tour is now brewing. As I boarded the Air India plane, I saw that Amma and Swamini were seated in the very first seats of the plane. Amma gave me the most beautiful smile and started tapping Her head. Now, in retrospect I think I know why. She knew that I was going to say "Mata Rani Ki Jai" softly to Her (which I did) and She said "Shhhh...we are on a plane" and held my hand and kissed it as I walked by.
It kind of feels sereal that I am on the same plane as the Divine Mother. It doesn't really feel or seem any different other than the constant knowing that She is there (which She always is anyhow) and the thought that if this plane goes down, I am PHYSICALLY with the Divine Mother. I am flying high in the clouds; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I guess it is a different flying experience afterall.
In Singapore, I was told that my Tour Staff Seva for the entire Tour would be Bookstore Sales. I was over the moon about that as Swamini and I get along fabulously and this was an opportunity to do what I love best and to deepen the existing relationship that I have with Swamini.
I was stationed at the Prashad Jewellery counter (of course) and sold alot of the Prashad. Swamini said at one point that she was going to turn over the entire bookstore to me!
The Programs were held in the Suntec City Center (Convention Center) right in the heart of the City with shopping opportunities right in the same building!
It was nice to be able to take breaks from my seva duties and go on window shopping extravaganzas.
Prashanta gave an old list to Swamini showing incorrect departure times from Singapore to Mumbai which would mean that we would miss the end of Devi Bhava - man, what a low that put me on.
Some of us were flying to Mumbai from Singapore and then to Mauritius to catch the flight to Reunion Island which is where the next stop is. Apparently, everyone has to fly through Mauritius to get to Reunion Island as it's such a small Island there is are no international flights that fly there.
Amma wore the most gorgeous purple sari for Devi Bhava in Singapore. I think that was specially for me since I had been saying just prior, that I have NEVER seen HER in purple yet.
It turns out that none of us had to miss the end of Devi Bhava as those of us who were unfortunate enough to have to fly through Mumbai and Mauritius to get to Reunion Island did not have to be at the Singapore Airport until later afternoon on the same day as Devi Bhava ended.
I am in for A LOT of travelling on planes on this tour.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
