First Day in Kenya Programs

April 12, 2009

Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,

The bus came and collected us from the "lap of luxury" apartments at 6:30am and we went to the Hall to set up the bookstore. The local devotees had attempted to set up the bookstore the night before with the stock that they had on hand. They did a really nice job of making displays with African cloths and textiles to cover the plastic containers that made up these multi-level tiers of a display, but it was not very economical with space. We ended up tearing down a good portion of what they had done and re-doing it much more economically while keeping their ideas of the multi-tiered displays.

Amma arrived at 10:30am and there were African Dancers to usher Her into the Hall. I took pictures of these dancers and live instrumentalists (drummers) as they were really good and seemed to really like the attention of the cameras.

On stage, Amma was greeted by the Masai (one male and one female) and was adorned with the attire of an Elder. There is significance of each of the 5 items in the attire. They are as follows:

The attire and the Regalia of Elder consists of 5 items. Each of these 5 items has a very special significance.

Blue skirt:
The Blue skirt, signifies a female Masai Elder. Only the female Elder wears a blue skirt.

White top:
Spiritual Leaders/Elders wear white top, white signifies purity and peace but most of all spirituality.

Ornaments:
The ornaments consist of necklace, headgear and wrists or arm bracelets. Each ornament is decorated with a large number of very colourful beads. The beads symbolize people of different origins, different beliefs, different faiths, different religions. All brought together to make a unique, and colourful item which shows unity and harmony.

Masai Milk Gourd:
Milk is a basic but most significant of all Masai foods. The colour of milk – white once again — signifies purity and peace. We understand that no Masai ritual is complete without milk being part of it.

Leather Sandals:
This is to assist you to walk long distances and to take you wherever you need to go far and wide. To spread your message of love, compassion, empathy and tolerance.

This was a very powerful presentation to witness Mother being adorned in these garbs with such love and reverance for Her by the Masai Elders.

After this, the renowned advocate and human rights defender Dr. P.L.O Lumumba delivered a rousing speech. His speech was so powerful I felt as though I was in front of Dr. Martin Luther King himself. He drew a co-relation of Jesus sacrificing His life today (as it was Easter Sunday) for Love and Peace and Amma, the embodiment of the same was here to offer Darshan in a country that is in so much need of this.

At one point, he referred to Amma as an amazing human who travels the world spreading this message and then just minutes later acknowledged Her as an Avatar. It was extremely powerful and moving. I don't think I have to tell you that I was drawn to tears by his presentation to Amma, but I was.

Unfortunately, Kenya is not a very safe place to be out in public once the sun goes down. As such, Amma was only offering day programs in Kenya that would begin at about 10:30am upon Her arrival at the Hall and would go until about 7:30pm. This happened both days that we were in Kenya. On the first day, there were not very many Africans in the crowd at all. The only Africans that were present were the dignitaries on stage with Amma and the 54 orphans who were accepted into the orphanage that was being inaugurated by Amma's visit to Kenya.

I later found out that there were few Africans at the program because they could not afford to travel to the location of the Temple. Apparently, Amma had told the local Indian devotees, when they requested Her presence in Kenya for the opening of the orphanage, that only if the programs were held in a non-denominational public venue would She come to Kenya. The excuse that they later gave Her for going completely against Her request was that by the time She gave them Her dates of being in Kenya, there were no other venues available. I heard that the local Indian devotees were very controlling and racism is very big in Kenya. The Indians did not want the Africans to attend the programs therefore held it at a venue that was difficult for them to get to. This was (and still is) very upsetting to me as I could see how controlling the locallers were. I actually experienced it first hand working in the bookstore. The local devotees were trying to tell us how to do our jobs in the bookstore and in selling products and making change for the people purchasing items. This was very upsetting seeing that we had just finished doing this in 3 other tour cities with no such energy surrounding us in the bookstore.

It was very weird and a real test in just smiling and doing the very best that we could in loving and embracing all of these devotees who have been longing for Amma's Grace to shower upon them without gettig into our own vasanas (negative tendencies) and operating from that place in interaction with them.

Amma gave Darshan to the 54 totally adorable orphans which was completely heart-breaking to think that they were abandoned by their parents. The anticipation is that the orphanage will take in another 54 before too long amounting to 108 orphans. Really sad but also really heartening all at the same time.

I went to the Westgate Mall again today for a little while to find some native arts and clothing but was unsuccessful. Steven, the Ashram appointed driver said that he would take me tomorrow to get some stuff like that to take back to Canada.

Kenya doesn't seem anymore dangerous than India to me, even at night. We are all still forbidden to go out at night. Amma's programs ran from about 10:30am to 7:30pm and that's it. No evening programs for freight of the crowds and their safety at night. It was really odd to be back in our apartments by 10:30pm and getting prepared for bed. It felt as though we were suppose to be back at the hall to start the evening program with bhajans and Darshan.

Here We Go Again...

April 10, 2009

Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,

At 2pm today we will be on yet another flight to Mumbai for a 6 hour layover before flying to Nairobi, Kenya. This is absolutely ridiculous that we were already so close to Africa being in Mauritius and now we have to fly all the way back to India just to fly back to Kenya. This can't be helping the carbon footprints of each individual on this tour or the universe as a whole.

On the flight to Mumbai, since it was an afternoon flight and I had had a good night sleep before, I watched the movie "Marley and Me" and oh my God, I am missing Yogi and Bana beyond belief. The ending of this movie was quite sad and had me crying. It's a good thing that I watched the movie as I had this really weird lady sitting next to me on the plane who was very aggressive with the flight attendants and generally not a very nice woman.

I have decided to back to Amritapuri after Kenya and NOT do the Kochin Tour. I am feeling really "full" and been worked on so many levels - mental, physical, emotional and spiritual and I am feeling really good right now. I don't want to overdo it and feel bad about my entire experience of touring with Amma. Also, the India Tours are very different and you don't get a lot of close intimate time with Amma as we have had on this foreign tour. The Indian Tours (from my experience of the three cities before Singapore) was that they are very big and lots of crowds (not unlike India in general). I don't think I could handle the crowds and clastrophobia that would come along with the crowds.

So, I will go back to Amritapuri, take about 5 days and go to Varkala (beach resort about 2 hours form Amritapuri) and then come back to the Ashram and try to make arrangements to return home within the first week of May. Varkala will be a nice rejuvenation from being physically sick and energetically spent on this tour.

April 11, 2009

The trip from Mumbai to Nairobi on Kenya Air was great! I had 3 seats to myself and slept the entire 5 hours of the flight. It was the best flight yet!

Kenya is very rough looking and met all of my preconceived ideas. It is even more rough looking than India.

We were put up in some very, very nice fully furnished apartments and since we were the first to arrive, I took one of the two single beds in the bedroom with an ensuite bathroom. This is the lap of luxury compared to what we've been dealing with thusfar. In all the other places, it was the single thermarest with a shawl over it to provide some comfort on the floor. This was an actual bed with cushions and a pillow. It was a 2 bedroom apartment with 2 single beds in one of the rooms and a double bed in the other room. There were 8 guys assigned to each apartment.

I took a bit of a rest after getting settled into my room and slept for about an hour when I was told that there were some people in this mini-group of early travellers who were going to go to a nearby mall to catch a bus to the Safari. I got up and joined them on the bus.

We ended up eating really good sushi at the Westgate Mall and then most of us (Phillipe, Prabhu, Madhu Sri, Peggy, Parri and myself) went on to the Nairobi Safari Walk. This felt really good because finally I was starting to take in some of the local sites in the City that we were in. For Reunion Island and Mauritius, I was either really busy with tour staff duties or I was sick and in bed while everyone else enjoyed the town before the programs.

The Safari Walk was really nice and the animals did not seem like they were that upset by the fact that they were somewhat caged. Mostly, they had a lot of space to roam around in and feel secure in their surroundings. For feeding time, they were brought into cages but that is for the safety of the representatives of the park. I took some pretty amazing pictures of the lions and leopard and ostridge and other animals that we saw there.

We got to the Temple Hall where the programs are to be held at about 8pm and had a really good dinner and went back to the apartments. It was decided that we would arrive at the hall in the morning at about 6:30am to set up the bookstore as there was another party in that hall and we could not get access for another hour. No one wanted to wait around for that period of time as they had all just arrived and came straight to the hall for dinner.

I slept like a baby for the first time on tour (with the exception of when I was sick and drugged out of my mind to know any better).

This Tour is Half Over...

Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,

Upon arriving in Mauritius from Reuion Island, I was very sick. That which I was feeling the night before at Devi Bhava was now full on and travelling on that super small plane from Reunion to Mauritius did not help. There was no room to breathe, it was very clastrophobic and the recycled air on planes did not help matters.

I went straight to bed upon arriving in Mauritius. We were being put up in a house on the next street over from the Amma Centre and Brahmastanam Temple. I did not realize until we were there, that Mauritius is a Brahmastanam Festival.

I was obviously NOT thinking straight as I landed up just pluncking myself down in the room that had the ONLY one adjoining bathroom. I did not realize that that room would be a high traffic room as a result, but all of the rooms would have been high traffic in retrospect because in order to access the room with the bathroom, one would have to go through all of the other rooms. the design of this place was not the greatest.

I was running a fever and found myself waking up in the middle of the night (it actually wasn't that late, but it seemed it to me) and had the Tour Doctor take a look at me. He gave me some pills for the fever to bring down the fever and some other pills for the pain as I was experiencing a very stiff headache. These drugs seemed to do the trick!

I was so out of it that first day and night that I didn't even know whether people were using the bathroom or not. I woke up the next morning and found that the others had arrived (the night before) and had figured out their place in this house. I also heard that some people had actually gone out last night and figured out the "lay of the land" as the Ashram was situated right on the main road. If you walk down that road just a little ways, you would come across a Pizza Hut and a KFC (go figure) and then the Courts were just a little further down the road.

I went out and had some food at Pizza Hut as I was starving and had no idea what the meal plan was with this Ashram. It seemed to be different in every tour city. The pizza was good and I got some Mauritius Rupees out of the machine and made my way back to the Ashram to find out what was going on there. I was in such a time warp what with being separated from the larger group (by having to be on these other flights) AND being sick, I had no idea when the first program was to be held or if I had already missed the first program.

When I arrived at the Ashram, I noticed that in the outdoor space next to the Ashram, there was a tin roof that was put up and the bookstore was being set up under that roof. I went and started to assist Amala in setting up the bookstore. Swamini was in a bit of a mood but I seemed to win her over. She was nothing but sweet to me, although I did see the Kali tongue come out in her toward others.

This was a really amazing city. I ended up being promoted to cashier for the bookstore for this entire stop. That was great. I really enjoyed working with the cash and creating change for people. We seemed to be really short staffed in Mauritius all of a sudden. I don't know whether it's because people over-worked themselves in the previous two stops and now had no more steam to carry through or whether they just didn't want to do the seva anymore. Part of the dilemma was that there were not a lot of local devotees to do a lot of the "prashad sevas" in the hall. I call them "prashad sevas" because they are not really considered seva. They are more considered blessings. To work around Amma in the capacity of token collecting, prashad giving, prashad running, prashad rolling, pulling, line, etc. these are all priviledges not seva.

Having said this, I had my fair share of doing some of those "prashad sevas" inside the hall as well as working my butt off at the bookstore this stop. Thank Amma, that we did not have to tear down and set-up each day again!

On this first night, when Aarti began, it was amazing. I was working in the bookstore and all of a sudden, EVERY single person in that outter hall area stood to feet in complete and utter reverance for Amma. I was so moved that I was literally drawn to tears and had to go over to Amala and cry my eyes out for a few moments.

Touring with the separation of men from women in foreign lands is a lot like my experiences of Scout camp. Needless to say, Amma was working on so many levels for me. Now, my childhood issues were starting to come up. Issues of being a "loner" and being "left out" were prevailing more than you can imagine.

Sexuality is a real issue on this human physical level. If we move "up" to the spiritual level then there is no issues. I was feeling like there was a clique being started that I was not a part of because of my sexuality. There were many guys who went out together for meals but would never consider inviting me. It was quite painful to go through this experience of the human realm.

We were in Mauritius for 3 days/nights of programs. There was no Devi Bhava here. There was only Devi Bhava in Singapore and Reunion Island. I was really greatful that we were able to see the end of both of those Devi Bhavas as there was some mention that we may not be able to since we were on the earlier flights to the next destination.

On the last evening, I did the Saturn Puja for Jan (Jim's aunt) whom I had a very strong image of when I performed that Puja for my parents in Banglore. By this point in the Tour, I had made up my mind that I was NOT going to do the Kochin Tour that Amma had planned immediately after our return from Kenya. I felt quite content with the experiences thusfar and felt that before I "overdid" it, I wanted to stop short so that I could return to the West with positive feelings about touring with Amma, not horrible disdain.

As such, I decided that this would be my last opportunity to do the Saturn Puja and I had put out that intention to perform that Puja specifically for Jan. Jim was in Denver at this time too, so that was kind of an interesting synchronicity. My spine started shaking and I got the shivers when Amma chanted "Prem do Jagadambe, Bhakti do Jagadambe, Vishvaas dekar Raksha Karo Jagadambe" This was a powerful Puja and I have the little package of vibhuti (sacred ash) and the receipt from the Puja to send off to Jan with a bit of an explanation of the Puja and its significance as well as the sacred ash as I know that she won't understand what to do with any of it.

Bhavani Chechi asked me to sing her a little bit of Kirtan while she handed out tokens on the last night (which was totally crazy and went until 4:30am). I sang her two lines of the Shabad "Satgur Ho-ay Dayal" and she said that I should sing it for Amma sometime. I said that I would love to sing it for Her and would she help me make that happen. Bhavani Chechi said "it will happen...it will happen"

I am so pleased that I did this tour as I have been able to make some really great connections with so many people. I had a really fun and good connection with 20 year old Laxman who has been playing with his facial hair and at times has looked like a typical Malayalee Film Star (if only his skin tone was a little darker)!!!

At the very end of Darshan on that last night, I got the chance to assist Kripa Prana, Amala and Brahmananda with passing things back and forth behind the Peetham for the ceremonies. There were some baby first feedings, some children starting school (so the first writings in a tray of rice) and some marriage ceremonies. by the end of all of the ceremonies, I was buried in Aarti trays, prashad trays of fruits and chocolates and garlands. Amma started singing Her new Punjabi Bhajan "Khol Dharvaaza Sheranwali" while I was stuck under all of these blessed trays of goodness that She had utilized to serve and bless the local devotees of Mauritius. I tell you, it doesn't get any better than this. I felt a little like Bibi Bhani (Guru Amar Das Ji's daughter) when she sat next to her Father and held his platform up with her hand as one of the legs of the platform had broken. This kind of dedication and devotion to the Divine Mother to just sit and hold in reverance all of the supplies for the ceremonies while She graced the Satsang with Her presence and enthused singing of a new high-energy Punjabi bhajan was what I was experiencing in that moment. It brings a great smile to my face even now as I recount that moment in my journalling and type it into this blog! Can I do that 27/7 - 365 days of the year?!?!

Reunion Island is Beautiful but Exhausting!

April 2, 2009

Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,

What a long and tedious flight but we are here and this Ashram in Reunion Island is just magnificent. What a gorgeous and natural place. There is a lot of vegetation on the property and it's very free-flowing and organic. Just beautiful! There are little shrines all over with Shivalingams and statues of Devi all over. The paintings in the bhajan hall are just unreal. Apparently, a local devotee painted all of them. It's a shame though because apparently, there is no a lot of on-going activities at the Ashram in Reuion. It has all this beauty but it's not really being shared with many people.

The one good thing about being on these long drawn out flights was that we arrived in the next city before anyone else in the larger group so we had our free range of choices where to sleep. After putting down my stuff in my assigned room (which was quite comfortable with matresses on the floor) I went down to explore the grounds and have some food.

The amount of baguette and butter that we all consumed in Reunion and Mauritius combined is probably more bread than I have ever eaten in my entire life. It seemed that that was all we were being offered for morning breakfast and snacks. We learnt very quickly to be greatful for what we are offered!

Later that evening, Amma arrived with the rest of the clan. The local devotees started chanting "Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah" to the tune of Amma's famous "Aum Namah Shivaya" bhajan. It was quite powerful and Amma seemed to really love it. As soon as She arrived, She went straight to the kitchen area and wanted to serve everyone prashad. There was not a lot around and so She started asking for the prashad that they brought with them. Swamini told me that Dayalu had some in his bags and to get it from him. Dayalu brought that prashad to Amma and She started to serve it to everyone all the while saying it's prashad from the Brahmastanam Temple. She began by serving people pieces of coconut until the prashad materialized.

We were there for 4 days which meant 8 programs (one in the morning and one in the evening). Each program was held in a different venue with the exception of two programs (back to back) which were held in the same place. This meant that out of 8 programs, we had to tear down the bookstore and set it up again 7 times. This was just insane. We were so tired by the end of this stop.

I helped with the Bookstore set-up and the first 3 hours of the bookstore being open. Then, very quickly (on the first evening program) I was approached by Bhavani Chechi (big sister) to help her give out tokens. This landed up morphing into "token collector" which is a position right in front of Mother at the end of the Darshan line just on the threshold of where people are sitting on the chairs to where they begin to kneel on the ground in front of Amma. What a blessing this was to be in this role and so close to Amma. Often, I still couldn't see Her as there tends to be a nice little crowd around Her that blocked vision of Her to the people sitting just beyond the next few in line receiving Darshan, but it was fine. The energy of being that close to Her physically is more than words can describe.

The rules were very specific; every individual of the family in line to receive Darshan MUST have a token. If they didn't have a token, they needed to leave the line and get a token from Bhavani and return to the line for Darshan. I was following this as best I could. The people doing line entry and moving people up in the line were not checking to ensure that they ALL had tokens for Darshan so by the time they approached the front of the line, I would discover that they did not have a token and would have to remove them from the line. Also, the local devotees who were doing "Assistant Lap" position would just bring people in from the side lines without tokens. It was very challenging to say the least. I was able to make a good connection with Bhavani Chechi and Geetha Chechi doing this role.

April 3, 2009

Morning Programs (for the most part) were held at the Ashram where we were staying so that was kind of nice. I was working at the Bookstore when all of a sudden I was beckoned to Amma. All of a sudden I felt my heart shrink up and my mind start going at a million miles per second. I had no idea why I was being called to Her. She has never really acknowledged me before other than when I have gone for Darshan and in my dreams and meditations so what could this be about???

I came to Her right side where Geetha Chechi was and she leaned into me and gave me the head's up that someone complained to Amma last night that I had removed them from line because they didn't have a token. It was so kind of Geetha Chechi to inform me what this was about before Amma's Kali wrath came down on me. So...I officially received my first scolding from Amma.

Amma looked over at me and asked me if I had turned people out of the Darshan Line last night for not having a token. I said (coweressly) "yes" as that was the truth. I was told that each person needs to have their own token to receive Darshan.

Amma looked at me with a lot of compassion in Her eyes and shook Her head and said "No...if they come that near to Amma and they don't have a token, let it be, they don't know the process and to turn them away makes them sad and heavy-hearted"

I felt horrible and returned to my post at the Bookstore practically in tears for having done something so inconsiderate. Shortly after that, I was telling Swamini and Amala how I messed up and how I hoped that I would get the opportunity to redeem myself (as I thought for sure I will never be given that opportunity to serve Amma in that capacity again). All of a sudden, Bhavani Chechi swooped through the Bookstore and handed all the Tour Staff Darshan Tokens. Through the mass of shoppers, she readhed and handed me a token and commanded: "go for Darshan"

I thought - what's this? I just got scolded and now I am supposed to go for Darshan? I don't get it. Swamini gave me this really nice Amethyst and Pearl mala (necklace) to place on Amma to later sell as prashad through the bookstore. She knows me too well. Purple being my favourite colour and Amethyst at that, it was the perfect thing for me to take as an offering to Amma after my wrong-doing.

As I approached Amma with a very full heart and welled up eyes, I placed the mala over Amma's head and I said "Shemikkeneme Amme" which means "Forgive me Amma" to which she let out a big belly laugh. She took me into Her bossom for Darshan and again I said it to Her as I separated from Her. She pinched my left cheek and smiled and handed me prashad.

I went back to the bookstore seva and proptly asked Swamini how much that mala would cost - she said she'd let me know.

The evening program was at a gorgeous outdoor venue near the water. There were several yurts set up on these beautiful grounds. It was the kind of place where many weddings would probably be conducted. We were all so hungry and were having a very difficult time sitting through the Satsang and Bhajans without some food, but somehow (barely) we managed.

I worked in the bookstore the entire night. At the end of the night, Swamini gave me a bag of vibhuti (sacred ash) to take up to Amma to have blessed. I went up to Geetha Chechi's side witht he bag open and it was very sweet. Amma took some of the vibhuti and put it on my forehead and then Geetha Chechi said "open your mouth" and Amma popped a piece of chocolate in my mouth.

I immediately moved away as Darshan was still going on, it was just widing down. As Geetha Chechi, Bhavani Chechi and I got on the bus to go back to the Ashram, Geetha Chechi said that Amma asked where I had first come to see Her. Geetha Chechi said it must have been Seattle as he's Canadian. Amma apparently nodded Her head. It seems like I may have made it on the map in Amma's conscience.

The bus ride back was hellish. There were not enough seats for everyone and the aisle was full too. I was sitting at the very back of the bus on the floor in the aisle squashed. It was a 2 hour drive to the Ashram.

April 4, 2009

Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,

The morning program was again held at the Ashram and I worked the bookstore. My God, were my vasanas (negative tendencies) coming up or what. I kept feeling that all the cashiers were slacking. Amala is working really hard to break me of my "perfectionistic" way of being.

The evening program was held in a banquet hall (and this where the next morning program would be held too). I barely started working the bookstore and was whisked off to do token collecting again. I ended up doing it the entire night until the end of Darshan. It was great!

Amma got really upset with the locallers and Premananda Swami as the buses to the Ashram had left and the accomodations at this banquet hall were less than desirable. Amma laughed saying (in English) "buses gone and Prashanta gone too". (Prashanta was the organizer of this entire Tour).

She reamed out the local Swami and made him make arrangements for the women on Tour Staff. Men were stuck with the shitty accomodations.

April 5, 2009

Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,

I was woken up by the sounds of the women arriving in the morning from their various accomodation spots and placing their stuff down in the room that originally started out being the "womens room" in this banquet hall. There were not many men on tour to begin with and most of them fitin the smaller room that was designated the "mens room" but I stayed out in the open space of the (former) women's space. Amala laughed her head off when she saw that I was the only man sleeping in the women's area and thought that that was great! I told her that I don't really get the point. I mean the reason why men are separated from women - I get. But for me, being gay, it doesn't work to put me with the men. The temptation is through the roof. She laughed and agreed with my logic.

I worked part of the day at the bookstore and part of the day as token collector in the hall. I was really glad that my little mistake didn't prevent me from being able to do that role again.

As soon as the morning program was over, we took the bookstore over to the next (and final) hall which was at a Hindu Temple. This was where Devi Bhava was going to be held. It was a nice big hall and we set up the bookstore with quite a bit of anxst from people (on Tour). We kept just saying "we are all tired, so let's just try and breathe and not get on each others nerves too much". I started to feel really sick and was coming down with a cold. I had been sneezing a lot and started to get a scratchy throat. Yay...just in time for Devi Bhava, Mother is turning up the heat a little. As if that were not enough, it started pouring down with rain like I have never seen before in my life. It was like a tornado had hit or something. The roof of the hall was tin and the rain was so fierce that you couldn't even hear the bhajans on the sound system through the clinking of the rain pellets on tin roof. Every so often, Devi would look up to the roof and smile mischieviously! She was wearing a beautiful gold sari and looked just Divine!

We all (Tour Staff) received Darshan that night from Devi which was really sweet. Right after receiving Darshan, I had the opportunity to give prashad to Devi which was so sweet and then I sat just near Devi on the stage for some time. It was nearing the end of Devi Bhava and I came off stage and sat next to the musicians to be able to watch everyone walk around in circles in front of Devi and be showered with flower petals by the Divine Mother Herself.

We landed up waiting a long time before the bus came to collect us and take us to the same banquet hall of the night before (it seemed like a bad dream that just kept repeating itself) for a few hours of sleep before we were taken to the airport for our (earlier than anyone else) flight to Mauritius.

Ahhh...At last - Singapore Clean Air!!!

Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,

We left the Banglore Ashram in the buses headed for the airport at about 6pm. Our next destination was Singapore!

I still cannot believe the inefficiency and disorganized nature of this entire Kenya Tour. I am finding myself reacting far less than I would under normal circumstances. This shows me that Amma is REALLY working on me on many levels. She is working on Jim through me I am SO sure of that too.

The excitement for this Tour is now brewing. As I boarded the Air India plane, I saw that Amma and Swamini were seated in the very first seats of the plane. Amma gave me the most beautiful smile and started tapping Her head. Now, in retrospect I think I know why. She knew that I was going to say "Mata Rani Ki Jai" softly to Her (which I did) and She said "Shhhh...we are on a plane" and held my hand and kissed it as I walked by.

It kind of feels sereal that I am on the same plane as the Divine Mother. It doesn't really feel or seem any different other than the constant knowing that She is there (which She always is anyhow) and the thought that if this plane goes down, I am PHYSICALLY with the Divine Mother. I am flying high in the clouds; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I guess it is a different flying experience afterall.

In Singapore, I was told that my Tour Staff Seva for the entire Tour would be Bookstore Sales. I was over the moon about that as Swamini and I get along fabulously and this was an opportunity to do what I love best and to deepen the existing relationship that I have with Swamini.

I was stationed at the Prashad Jewellery counter (of course) and sold alot of the Prashad. Swamini said at one point that she was going to turn over the entire bookstore to me!

The Programs were held in the Suntec City Center (Convention Center) right in the heart of the City with shopping opportunities right in the same building!

It was nice to be able to take breaks from my seva duties and go on window shopping extravaganzas.

Prashanta gave an old list to Swamini showing incorrect departure times from Singapore to Mumbai which would mean that we would miss the end of Devi Bhava - man, what a low that put me on.

Some of us were flying to Mumbai from Singapore and then to Mauritius to catch the flight to Reunion Island which is where the next stop is. Apparently, everyone has to fly through Mauritius to get to Reunion Island as it's such a small Island there is are no international flights that fly there.

Amma wore the most gorgeous purple sari for Devi Bhava in Singapore. I think that was specially for me since I had been saying just prior, that I have NEVER seen HER in purple yet.

It turns out that none of us had to miss the end of Devi Bhava as those of us who were unfortunate enough to have to fly through Mumbai and Mauritius to get to Reunion Island did not have to be at the Singapore Airport until later afternoon on the same day as Devi Bhava ended.

I am in for A LOT of travelling on planes on this tour.

Continuing on our way...Banglore here we come!

We left Mysore after breakfast and stopped for lunch at a riverside. Many people went swimming. One guy from South Africa dove in and broke his nose badly and was rushed back to the Mysore Hospital for surgery.

Amma again asked us for stories and/or jokes and then sang one bhajan and served us all food. Very, very sweet...She got into Her camper and drove off as we all followed Her in our buses. We arrived in Banglore at about 4pm. I set myself up in my room and got some chai and ladoo that was being served.

David (my English roommate from Amritapuri) and one other guy and I went into town and did a bit of shopping and guess what we had for dinner?!!? You got it - Pizza Hut! OMG...I have never loved American pizza so much in my life. We got back to the Ashram (school) at about 10pm and went to bed.

The next day (1st of 2 days of programs) I went into town in the morning with Madhu Sri to look for some gem stones and gold necklace. We missed the morning program, but attended the evening one. We had a really good lunch buffet at "Mainland China" this really authentic Chinese food restaurant in the city of Banglore. You have no idea how much I am craving food other than Indian.

After much drama and leelas, I was able to get a really nice and simple gold chain for my emerald to hang from and a white saffire ring and emerald ring both set in silver as per my astrology reading.

I did the Rahu Puja for myself and the Saturn Puja in Banglore for Mom and Dad. Half way thru the Saturn Puja, focussing very strongly on Mom and Dad, I got a clear image of Jan (Jim's aunt) in my head. I told Jim about this and let him know that I would dedicate the next Saturn Puja to Jan. I anticipate more opportunities for that when we return from the Kenya Tour as Amma is doing a short (3 city) tour in Kerala on the way back to the Ashram. These Pujas are only done at the Brahmastanam Temples.

The drama around the Kenya Tour has come to a hault - finally. They still have not confirmed the amount that the price is raised, all that I have been told is that it will not be more than $150.00 USD. Apparently, I cannot be taken off of the list at this point in time as the bookings have already been made and Swami Ji did not want anyone to back out of the trip...so, I guess I will be flying with the rest of them from Banglore to Singapore.

Further to Mysore...

We made our way to Mysore just after lunch and I was still in a lot of pain. We made a chai stop along the way in an open rural area where lots of coconut trees encircled the area that Amma sat in. She gave time for stories and jokes and then asked a few questions:

• What is the difference between Bhakti and Jnana?
• What is the purpose of Bhakti, Jnana and Seva?

We then made out way further to Mysore. Just as Amma walked by me to get to Her car, She stopped and squinted Her eyes and said "Please...please....please..." with a lot of passion. She wanted us to go fast to the buses.

We arrived in Mysore Ashram by about 10pm and it was a really nice Ashram and school. Stefan (from Austria) helped me with my bag to my room and again I just took it really easy. I did not want to overdo it. Amma was definitely working on some karma for me. It was like I was ushering OUT my Saturn period with one last kick at the can with this knee cap dislocation.

I did both, the Rahu and Saturn Pujas in Mysore for Jimmy.

On the second day, I was asked in the morning just before Amma started giving Darshan to be the first one to give prashad. I said that I couldn't do it as I couldn't sit cross legged as yet due to my kneecap injury. Salma talked me into it and I went back stage to prepare to be the first one to offer Amma prashad. Somehow, by the Grace of Amma, I was able to sit cross legged for the 2 minutes of handing Her the prashad and felt great!

About 5 of us ventured out to the Sai Baba Orphanage in Mysore. We went in the afternoon about 3pm. This was too late to receive any of the Amrit in bottles, but they did give us some in our palms and 2 packages of vibhuti (sacred ash) each.

There has been a lot of drama around the price for the Kenya Tour and I am just letting go entirely now. Jim and I both agreed that if the price goes over $3000.00 USD then it would not be worth it as that money could be better used to come back to Amritapuri Ashram for 3 months over Christmas and New Year's. I am feeling more emotionally detached about the trip and allowing Amma to steer this boat as She does so well.

I have not spent much time around Her at all or engaged in seva much due to my injury. If I am going on the Kenya Tour, then I want to be all rested up and ready to serve on that tour.

On our way to Manantavadi, India

March 17, 2009

Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,

We were scheduled to leave the Ashram at 5am but we were delayed until 10am due to the demise of one of the Brahmachari's who had brain cancer. He passed away at 3:45am and there was a funeral service for him just before we left the Ashram.

Finally, we got on the bus and on our way at 10am. The first stop for lunch was at one of the schools just outside of Kochin. Amma was so.....sweet with the children at the school. She sang with the children and then served us food. The food service was so chaotic. Everyone was passing their tiffins forward and the servers would put food it in and then Amma would pass it out, but there was no telling where your tiffin would end up. Some people didn't even have their name on their tiffin.

After eating (and I did NOT get my tiffin back so I ate off of one of the communal plates), I found my tiffin and got back on the bus (I am so glad I went with the comfort bus and baid an additional Rs. 3000.00 for that experience) on our way to Manantavadi - the first stop on this abbreviated quazi North Indian Tour.

There were no more stops along the way. At one point, we started singing bhajans on the bus which was a lot of fun. We arrived at the Program Site (Amrita Vidhyalayam school) at around 10pm.

Amma arrived shortly after all of us and there was a big procession for Her. The locals performed Aarti to Her and She climbed up the stairs to the 1st floor of the school and looked down on all the local devotees who were chanting "Amma Amma Taye". Amma started ripping flower petals off of the garlands that She was adorned with and throwing them down on the local devotees. It was like a mini ending of Devi Bhava - what a high!

We ate the slop that was offered to us and found our way to our rooms. I was being put up in a very primitive hotel about 10 min. walk away with a whole bunch of other "Western" men.

I slept deeply and returned to the Program Hall at about 9am on March 18, 2009 for Amma's first program. I was able to get a very close seat. I was literally under Her nose. The programs here are very different than in the West. I don't know if it's because it's a Brahmastanam Temple or just because it's India. Mother started the morning program with bhajans followed by Satsang (which was not translated) followed by Darshan. This usually went on until about 5pm and then She would return at about 7:30pm and do it all over again.

In between there were 5 Archanas (chanting of the 1000 Names of the Divine Mother) recited daily. This ritual is specific to the Brahmastanam Temple Festivals.

On Wednesday, March 18, 2009, after evening Satsang I was about to begin my face wiping seva when the Prashad table asked me to go up on stage and ask the runners to bring the prashad down as they did not have anything left on their table to sell to people as they went up for Darshan. As I tried to make my way through the crowd on the stage and navigate my way without stepping on anyone (no one would give way), my left knee cap dislocated and I fell to the ground on top of these brahmacharinis. The knee cap popped back into place and I conveyed the message to the runners, hung out on stage for a bit (while I took a lot of flack from the people sitting there saying that this was not a good time to squeeze my way in as there were dance performances going on and the dancers needed the space).

Sometimes, there is a lot of love that surrounds Amma and then other times, there are a lot of people with all their vasanas coming up. I just explained that I couldn't move due to what had happened and continue to sit there. I really hadn't had a lot of time around Amma or on stage so far so I didn't feel badly just sitting there when I needed to and when Amma obviously wanted me to as well.

Eventually, I was able to move and went off stage and sat near the face wiping crew. I was still able to serve in a very small way by rolling toilet paper for the face wipers.

For the most part, I was in my room after that, just resting my knee. Thank God for Maheshwaran who lent me his mat and dhotis for padding and created a bed for me that night in one of the rooms on-site that had space. I asked Jeremy to assist me in bringing all my luggage back from the hotel to the program site.

I did the Saturn Puja for myself on the last evening of this location.