Saturday, January 23, 2010

Peaceful Silence...Silence Truly is Golden!

January 23, 2010

Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...

Today has been a really beautiful day. I decided last night as I went to bed that I was going to observe silence until chai time (4pm). I woke up and put the "Mostly Silent" sign around my neck and went out for breakfast. I then went back to my room and spent most of the day meditating, reading Awaken Children VIII and typing my blog.

I went out for lunch and it was really nice to see that people were really appreciating me and my efforts to be silent for the day. I had the Indian (free) food for lunch and retreated back to my room for more of the same.

At about 4pm I went out to get chai and came back to my room. Very thoughtfully and peacefully, I drank my chai and ate my coconut from yesterday. This was how I broke my silence. I started to speak with my roommates a little as they were both in the room for a good portion of the day today.

I think I will make a regular habit of observing silence even back home for portions of the day - like maybe first thing in the morning until lunch time or something. It's really nice!

I know that I will observe silence on January 29, 2010 when I have my birthstar Pujas scheduled. I did that last year when I was here and it was SUPER powerful!

Soon, I will go out for bhajans (in the Kali Temple even though it's women only - I will just sit upstairs quietly). I like the women's bhajans more than the men's. There seems to be more bhakti (devotion) and the acoustics in the Temple are better than in the Main Hall as the sound system has gone to Trivandrum with Amma so the sound quality in the Main Hall is not the same as when She is here.

This is exactly what I was hoping for - some quiet and internal exploration while Amma is away in Trivandrum. I was really craving some calm, quiet and inner reflection time.

I think I will observe silence again day after tomorrow. I don't want people to feel that I am unapproachable by doing it everyday here!

Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...

Friday, January 22, 2010

Does Life Get Any Better???

January 21, 2010

Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...

I went into Vallikavu today to pick up my gold pendant from the jeweller. I had 2 rings (22K gold) that I never wear and an amethyst bracelet that broke. I took these along with an enamel picture of Amma and had the jeweller make me a pendant out of these materials.

The outcome is so...amazingly gorgeous you can't even believe it. I got a really nice 22K gold necklace to wear it on as well and a bag of cashews to take up for Darshan today (before Amma leaves for Trivandrum).

I was one of the very last to go up for Darshan at about 5:30pm. I held the pendant and necklace in my right palm and Amma looked at it very intensely, placed Her finger on the picture and pushed the pendant into my palm forcefully. She then gave me Darshan and tightly squeezed me as She released me from Her embrace. She gave me the most beautiful smile and handed me my prasad and a small yellow banana. It was the sweetest banana I have ever eaten in my life and so totally satisfying!

I went back to my room at the end of Darshan and just basked in bliss that I had just experienced. Of course, I placed the necklace on right away and have not taken it off at all.

Amma is leaving for Trivandrum on Friday January 22, 2010 at some point. I have decided to stay at the Ashram and be in silence for awhile. I love the calmness and serenity of the Ashram when Amma is not here. When She is here at the Ashram, everyday is a festival and it gets a little exhausting.

The tour group left the Ashram at about 1:30pm and Amma followed in Her vehicle at about 5:00pm. The energy all day had already shifted before She left the compound. I was feeling even more bliss and calmness. I feel that I don't need to be around Her or in Her embrace all the time in order to be content and devoted to Her. This is a big lesson that takes time to internalize but I believe it is what She truly wants of Her devotees.

I will type more of my experiences of being in silence a little later. Amma is only gone from the Ashram over the weekend so it's only a few days of calm but that's good too!

Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...

The 69th Shankracharya Visits Amritapuri...

January 19, 2010

Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...

I am realizing that I have not offered a recent entry at all since the South India Tour was cancelled and we all returned to the Ashram.

The next day, January 14th I went off to Varkalla Beach with a guy that I met here at the Ashram earlier named Robert. He is from New York. We went to Varkalla for two days. We returned on Friday evening in time for Bhajans.

Unfortunately, we did not know that the New Moon on Friday January 15, 2010 was a solar eclipse and that Amma's directive for that was for everyone to stay inside from 11:30am - 2:00pm, chant their mantras, vast and be in silence. We were doing exactly the opposite. We were on the beach under the sun as it was eclipsing. We had just eaten. I guess the only thing that we followed of that directive was to be silent as that is what we were most of the time while on the beach. We did not know this directive until we returned from Varkalla though. She apparently told people this on the beachside when She went out for meditation on the evening of January 14.

It was a fine time in Varkalla nonetheless. We had a little bit of a weird ending to the trip with Robert getting frustrated with me because I wanted to keep my bag with me on the back seat. There was still 3/4 of the back seat for him to sit on if he chose to but instead went to the front seat in a bit of a mood. We were silent the entire way home and then he avoided me for the duration of his stay here at the Ashram. He left without even saying a word. Oh well...I guess Amma was right (of course She was) in that negative things and energy would prevail if people did not follow Her directive for the solar eclipse!

While in Varkalla, I met a man in passing who is from Germany on our last day there. He said something very peculiar to me. He said that I have German history in my bloodline far back and that I should make peace with Kali and that would help with acceptance of my German history. This seemed very odd to me as both of my parents are Punjabi background. I am what you would call a "pure bred" Indian! These words have stayed with me and I have not been dwelling on them but every so often I think of these words again and wonder what the connection is with Kali. I LOVE Kali with all my heart. I don't know what kind of peace I would need to make with Her?!?!

Amma apparently started a Satsang on the beachside while we were in Varkalla which stretched out for a few days (She may still not be done with it). She posed a questions that we were all to contemplate:

Two men go for the same job. The first man answered 10/10 questions correctly. The second man answered 8/10 questions correctly. The second man got the job. Why? Was this due to effort, destiny, fate, grace, astrological influence, faith...

Amma took answers from devotees to this question for a couple more evenings on the beachside after meditation as well as the Q&A session on Tuesday January 19, 2010 in the Kali Temple after meditation. She did not answer any of the new questions on Tuesday.

She seemed to be pleased with many of the answers that people came up with. Mother has really been talking a lot lately about using our lives to serve others (Seva) not ourselves. This coupled with devotion (Bhakti) would surely result in positive outcomes.

Tuesday January 19, 2010 was a special day! After meditation, Q&A with Amma, Prasad Lunch and the few Darshans that She offered, I was told that the 69th Shankracharya from Kanchipuram, Tamil Nadu was coming to the Ashram and Amma has asked everyone to assemble in the Main Hall for a program.

Before I share about the Shankracharya, I have to share this story of going for my Prasad lunch. They made an announcement that people should just take the plate as soon as Amma has touched it and NOT wait for Her to physically hand it to you. As I approached, Amma had a plate with a smaller amount of food on it in Her right hand and I went to take it but Shelooked at me and quickly pulled it back toward Her body and the next plate with a MUCH larger serving was handed to me from Her left hand. I thought this was odd. Later that afternoon when I was entering the Kali Temple, the India Swamini who sits at the entrance of the Temple looked at me and said "you have thinned out...you were chunkier last time you were here...you have lost weight" I bent down and touched her feet and thanked her for the blessing! I then relayed to her the story of prasad lunch and she laughed. I said "I guess Amma wants me to gain weight too!"

Okay...now that I have you laughing and in a cheerful mood, the Shankracharya (for those who don't know who he is) is like the equivalent to the Pope in the Vedantic (Hindu) Community. Sri Jayendra Saraswati was an amazing gentle and beautiful soul. He arrived at the Ashram and had this smile that could light up the entire Universe. He spoke too all of the devotees under the Main Hall and Sw. Ramakrishnanada Puri translated from Tamil to English for all of us. Amma then had us sing the Mahishasura Mardini. It was really cute to watch both Amma and the Shankracharya on stage clapping and singing along with this Ayi Giri Nandini. He blessed us all and was on his way. Apparently, he tried to meet with Amma before here in Amritapuri but it didn't work out. It has been a long time coming for him to come to Amritapuri and meet with Amma. He offered his full support to Amma as he departed.

Amma sat and sang Bhajans right after the program with the Shankracharya. The energy of the entire compound was really, really intense the whole day...from the start with the meditation in the Kali Temple to the end of evening Bhajans I was flying high. Who needs drugs or alcohol or other intoxicants when you can be intoxicated with the Love for the Divine?!?!

Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Time Stands Still While Waiting To Get Back To The Mother Ashram...

January 12, 2010

Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...

Today we leave the Program Site in Coimbatore headed back to Amritapuri. No one knows why the South India Tour has been cancelled but there are many theories and rumours.

We left the site at about 12:30pm and arrived at the University at about 1:30pm. We chanted the 108 Names and the 1,000 Names on that bus ride and completed them in just enough time to arrive at the University.

We as humans are such creatures of habit as we all started walking toward the swimming pool which is where we all hung out and drank our chai on our way to the Program. Instead, we were quickly ushered out of that area and into a palm jungle where we were to be served lunch. Everyone thought that Amma was going to be there to serve us so the tribe quickly moved through the jungle to find no one other than the food trucks setting up.

We were served lunch and ate in the jungle area. As soon as we were all finished eating again the tribe started to make their way (very quickly) back to the swimming pool as though Amma had arrived there. We got to the swimming pool at the University which is an Olympic size swimming pool to find no one there.

People started changing into their swim wear and jumping into the pool. Okay...not a great idea since they had all just filled their stomaches with rice, potatoes and daal. Interestingly enough, it was only the Westerners that were in the pool. Not a single one Indian was in the pool. I was later told that the Indian are afraid of the water and don't know how to swim.

I was very tempted to go in as well, but did not have the proper swim wear with me. I don't know why, but I didn't think to bring swim wear this time with me to India. For men, long shorts (just above the knee) is the only real appropriate thing to wear in the water. I don't even own a pair of those kind of swimming trunks to be honest. For woman, there is a swim dress that they must wear which covers them from shoulders to ankles. Many of the woman even wear their sari blouses under the two wide shoulder straps of this hideous dress.

Time seemed to pass ultra slowly. Now that we were going back to Amritapuri, I was fine with this decision of Amma's but I wanted to get a move on. This sitting around in the sun waiting for something to happen was really driving me nuts. Thank God for Vivek and Pranada who were on my bus and connected with me earlier in the morning as we were waiting at the Program site to leave, I had some company and some people to chat with. This eased the slow move clock for me.

Rumour had it that Amma was going to arrive at 5:30pm at the pool and we would have some time with Her then.

Vivek, Pranada and I were discussing how people (especially the Indian Brahmacharinis) run to get the best possible seats and closest to Amma. I was sharing how I am kind of over that. I feel Amma in my heart and She is often talking about just that - how we need to see Her everywhere and not be so attached to Her physical body. Vivek was good at pushing to find out how I do that since it is also good to be attached to the Guru's Form. I explained that when I chant my mantra or do the 108 Names or sing bhajans, I feel Her in my heart. Often at Satsangs, I have my eyes closed not even looking at the alter while singing bhajans and I go within to seek refuge in Her who rest within my soul.

Finally Amma arrived at 5:30pm and She gave a bit of a Satsang about the same very issue. There was a devotee who is constantly fighting to get to the very front and sit right in front of Amma and she is successful most every time. Amma inquired why it is that she does this. At first, the woman responded by saying that where she comes from no one runs after things but when she came to the Ashram, she saw everyone running after Amma to be as close to Her as possible and thought that this was somehow a measure of the level of devotion one has for Amma. In fact, the woman admitted that she does not find that much peace sitting so close to Amma, rather when she sits a distance away she finds more peace and tranquility.

Amma said that there are many others who wish to have a chance to sit close to Amma as well. The woman started crying and disclosed that she is actually very depressed and unable to function in the real world and this is why she tries to sit as close to Amma as possible, with the hopes that she will start to heal over time. To this Amma said that if she was fighting to sit near to be healed then there is no problem.

There were other stories and jokes told and Amma laughed a lot. Amma practised some of the new Tamil 2010 Bhajans. She sat with us until about 8:30pm and then we had dinner there and got back on the road headed for the Ashram at 9:00pm.

At about 2:30am the A/C bus broke down and we were all woken up out of sleep and told that the Ashram was sending another bus to fetch us and take us the rest of the way. OMG...this was like the last straw for me. I started praying really hard and chanting my mantra really hard to get this bus going. I just wanted to be back already. Somehow, the bus started working again and we were on our way. We arrived at the Ashram just in time for Archana 4:30am. I went straight to my bed.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Odd Turn of Events - Only Amma Knows Best...

January 11, 2010

Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...

Well...today has been an interesting day thusfar. I did not get up in time for the Rahu Puja and I was okay with that as I figured there are 2 other Brahmastanam Temple Festivals on this South India Tour. I got up and got myself dressed up just in time for Amma's arrival. I sat through Bhajans and once She began to give Satsang in Malayalam (which was translated to Tamil by Swami Ramakrishna Puri) I went into my room and started working more on the project that Bhavani and Sarala have me working on. My door was open so that I could still here all of the Satsang vibration since my room is right at the start of the ramp that Amma takes to go down to the stage.

No sooner did I get connected to the internet to start working and the Amritapuri Ashram on Facebook had a status that read:

Amma programs postponed: The remainder of Amma’s South India (from Chennai) programs after Coimbatore are postponed...

I am getting so many messages from people on Facebook and others to find out what is going on. Since Satsang was still going on, there was no way to find out. The Western Office was closed. It has been confirmed that we are all returning to Amritapuri after the programs tomorrow. No one knows why yet. We are all sitting on pins and needles wondering what has happened. Of course, Amma knows ALL and I am sure that there is a very good reason why She would have to postpone programs in these other cities where Her children have been awaiting Her arrival with baited breath.

I am enjoying working on this project that Bhavani and Sarala have me working on. It's a lot of fun and I am learning to expand my mind in ways that I had never considered before.

I have a prasad rolling shift at 3pm today for an hour and then I am meant to do running from 11pm to 12:30am. I am looking forward to these opportunities to be close to Mother. I have not been up on stage at all as yet. All with the anticipation that there are many other stops on this tour so there will be ample of opportunity.

I will definitely do the Saturn Puja this evening for my parents - I think. I feel that they could really use that energy more than I can right now.

More to come soon.

Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...