December 31, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
It's New Year's Eve at the Ashram and what an energy there is today around here. Jim woke up early and went off to Yoga Class again. He didn't stay up to watch the end of Darshan last night though. I woke up and got myself ready for the day, had breakfast with Jim and went into Vallikavu with Luciole and Jim to get some paint so that I can paint my tifin - purple of course and to get my jewellery reconstructed by the jeweller.
Upon returning to the Ashram, we had lunch and went up to the Doll Shop to check things out. I wanted Jim to experience the lovely vibe and hard work that goes into each of the dolls that are created in this haven in the highest floor of the Kali Temple.
Jim is needing to rest today so that he can make it through the night and into the New Year. Mother is giving Darshan in the Main Hall and that began at about 11:00am or so. We have tokens for Darshan today and we will go late in the night to be closer to the New Year.
Jason (a faerie friend) arrives today (probably very shortly) and that is very exciting. I can't wait to see him and here some of his experiences of travelling around as well. He has been on quite the journey.
Phillipe arrived today at the Ashram as well. We didn't think that he was going to make it as he is back in school but apparently, he decided to come here on his vacation for 10 days. It's so great to see all of these people again.
Jim said to me over lunch that he wants me to show him how to wear "one of those things" and he wants to "put on one of those too" (referring to a dhoti and sandlewood respectively). I guess we will dress him up like a brahmachari for Darshan tonight! How exciting....
More to come after the festivities of the night. I am sure that there will be performances this evening for Amma while Darshan continues. I shall type more once I have more to type about!
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
The Grace of Amma...
December 30, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
Jim is really amazing to me. He got up this morning without an alarm clock (after waking up at midnight with the scratches and itches of mosquito bites everywhere) and went off to Mens' Yoga. I got up and got myself ready for the day. We met up in the dining room for breakfast. We then went with Luciole (my French sister) to her new flat. She told us her story of getting this flat. Mother's Grace made it happen for her within 5 days where normally people wait 2-4 years on a waiting list for a flat to be built for them. She is in the Ayurveda building on the beachside with a view of the road rather than the beach as the beach is too noisy for her.
It feels as though no time has passed at all. Even though it's been 8 months since I was here at Amritapuri, it feels like it was just yesterday. Luciole commented the same. I love that!
Finally, the internet is connected and working. This is why I am now on-line and updating this blog frantically before the New Year.
I am still undecided as to whether I will go on the South India Tour or not. I have to make a decision by Saturday (when registration begins). I haven't looked into the Pancha Karma regime at all. I would really love to go on the South India Tour as I have not seen anything of South India. Pancha Karma is ALWAYS available at the Ashram. Plus, it would mean that I wouldn't get much time with Amma if I stay at the Ashram and do Pancha Karma.
I think I will just sit with these emotions, mixed as they are, and Mother will give me the direction that I need in this matter. It would be great to be on Tour with all the old friends again too!
Jason arrives tomorrow and I'm excited about that. Hopefully we will go to Varkalla Beach Resort for a few days after my birthday before the South India Tour begins. That would be nice to do with Jim and Jason.
Amma is giving Darshan as I type this blog in my room. The energy here at the Ashram is calm and sweet. There are a lot of people here already and more expected to arrive in time to ring in the New Year with Amma.
More experiences and stories to come soon...stay tuned!
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
Jim is really amazing to me. He got up this morning without an alarm clock (after waking up at midnight with the scratches and itches of mosquito bites everywhere) and went off to Mens' Yoga. I got up and got myself ready for the day. We met up in the dining room for breakfast. We then went with Luciole (my French sister) to her new flat. She told us her story of getting this flat. Mother's Grace made it happen for her within 5 days where normally people wait 2-4 years on a waiting list for a flat to be built for them. She is in the Ayurveda building on the beachside with a view of the road rather than the beach as the beach is too noisy for her.
It feels as though no time has passed at all. Even though it's been 8 months since I was here at Amritapuri, it feels like it was just yesterday. Luciole commented the same. I love that!
Finally, the internet is connected and working. This is why I am now on-line and updating this blog frantically before the New Year.
I am still undecided as to whether I will go on the South India Tour or not. I have to make a decision by Saturday (when registration begins). I haven't looked into the Pancha Karma regime at all. I would really love to go on the South India Tour as I have not seen anything of South India. Pancha Karma is ALWAYS available at the Ashram. Plus, it would mean that I wouldn't get much time with Amma if I stay at the Ashram and do Pancha Karma.
I think I will just sit with these emotions, mixed as they are, and Mother will give me the direction that I need in this matter. It would be great to be on Tour with all the old friends again too!
Jason arrives tomorrow and I'm excited about that. Hopefully we will go to Varkalla Beach Resort for a few days after my birthday before the South India Tour begins. That would be nice to do with Jim and Jason.
Amma is giving Darshan as I type this blog in my room. The energy here at the Ashram is calm and sweet. There are a lot of people here already and more expected to arrive in time to ring in the New Year with Amma.
More experiences and stories to come soon...stay tuned!
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah
Settling in to being at the Ashram....
December 28, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah Everyone...
Jim and I had a very smooth flight from LA to Dubai and then further from Dubai to Kochin. We arrived at Kochin at about 3:30am on December 28, 2009 and by the time we got through customs and got our bags, the Ashram Taxi Driver was waiting for us. The ride to the Ashram was mostly in the dark. It was only at about 6:15am that the sun started to rise and we could see what we were driving through.
We arrived at the Ashram at about 7:30am and promptly checked in at the International Office. This place is packed for the Holiday Season and as such, we were given accommodations in the boys dorm above the hospital. We stayed there the first night (Dec. 28, 2008) and then on December 29, 2009 I went to the International Office to see if there was any way for Jim and I to have a private room as we are a couple and we will be having a friend (who is a first timer as well) join us on December 31, 2009. Amma was obviously feeling generous as we were moved into a new building (the M building) on the ground floor. It's perfect!!!
On December 28, when we arrived at the Ashram and checked in, we moved our stuff to the boys dorm and went for breakfast. After breakfast, I went to Bhajan Class and then we went to the bank to change money so that we can pay for things! We then got the cell phone up and running and then had lunch. After lunch, we went to Karnuagapally to get the internet connection reinstated. On the way back from town, we stopped at the Amrita Self Help store and got Jim some clothes to wear while he is here.
By the time we both got back to the Ashram we were dead tired. We hadn't slept when we got here but we did sleep some on the flights. So...we took a nap and skipped the beach sunset meditation. We got up in time for Bhajans with Amma in the Main Hall. My God, the hall was so full...it's insane.
First day was pretty intense for Jim. He kept saying that he felt as though he was a deer caught in the headlights!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009 - Meditation Day and Q&A with Amma.
This is the first day that we are going to get to see Amma since we arrived! We got up and set our asanas down in the Kali Temple early so that we would have a good spot to see Amma. Then we went for breakfast. After breakfast, we went and meditated in the Temple. Amma came out for Q&A at about 11:30am. It was so nice to see Her. She served lunch to everyone immediately after the Q&A session.
After we ate, Jim went to watch a movie at the Eco Center while I got us an upgrade to a private room! After the video, Jim helped me move all our stuff from one room to the other. We are so much happier in the new room.
We took a nap and got ready for bhajans again with Amma. The first Bhajan She sang was "Krishna Vasudeva Hare". I was in heaven. This is the Bhajan that I want to offer to Mother in Seattle this coming year. It's an old Bhajan which She doesn't sing that often anymore, but it was a real blessing to hear it done live by Her.
After dinner we went to bed but got up in the middle of the night (midnight) itching and scratching everywhere...both Jim and I were eaten alive by mosquitos - welcome to India!
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah Everyone...
Jim and I had a very smooth flight from LA to Dubai and then further from Dubai to Kochin. We arrived at Kochin at about 3:30am on December 28, 2009 and by the time we got through customs and got our bags, the Ashram Taxi Driver was waiting for us. The ride to the Ashram was mostly in the dark. It was only at about 6:15am that the sun started to rise and we could see what we were driving through.
We arrived at the Ashram at about 7:30am and promptly checked in at the International Office. This place is packed for the Holiday Season and as such, we were given accommodations in the boys dorm above the hospital. We stayed there the first night (Dec. 28, 2008) and then on December 29, 2009 I went to the International Office to see if there was any way for Jim and I to have a private room as we are a couple and we will be having a friend (who is a first timer as well) join us on December 31, 2009. Amma was obviously feeling generous as we were moved into a new building (the M building) on the ground floor. It's perfect!!!
On December 28, when we arrived at the Ashram and checked in, we moved our stuff to the boys dorm and went for breakfast. After breakfast, I went to Bhajan Class and then we went to the bank to change money so that we can pay for things! We then got the cell phone up and running and then had lunch. After lunch, we went to Karnuagapally to get the internet connection reinstated. On the way back from town, we stopped at the Amrita Self Help store and got Jim some clothes to wear while he is here.
By the time we both got back to the Ashram we were dead tired. We hadn't slept when we got here but we did sleep some on the flights. So...we took a nap and skipped the beach sunset meditation. We got up in time for Bhajans with Amma in the Main Hall. My God, the hall was so full...it's insane.
First day was pretty intense for Jim. He kept saying that he felt as though he was a deer caught in the headlights!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009 - Meditation Day and Q&A with Amma.
This is the first day that we are going to get to see Amma since we arrived! We got up and set our asanas down in the Kali Temple early so that we would have a good spot to see Amma. Then we went for breakfast. After breakfast, we went and meditated in the Temple. Amma came out for Q&A at about 11:30am. It was so nice to see Her. She served lunch to everyone immediately after the Q&A session.
After we ate, Jim went to watch a movie at the Eco Center while I got us an upgrade to a private room! After the video, Jim helped me move all our stuff from one room to the other. We are so much happier in the new room.
We took a nap and got ready for bhajans again with Amma. The first Bhajan She sang was "Krishna Vasudeva Hare". I was in heaven. This is the Bhajan that I want to offer to Mother in Seattle this coming year. It's an old Bhajan which She doesn't sing that often anymore, but it was a real blessing to hear it done live by Her.
After dinner we went to bed but got up in the middle of the night (midnight) itching and scratching everywhere...both Jim and I were eaten alive by mosquitos - welcome to India!
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Christmas in LA!!!
December 20, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah Everyone....
The blog starts again!
So Jim and I have arrived in Los Angeles today (December 20, 2009) at about 4pm. We are spending Christmas here and leaving December 26, 2009 on an Emirates flight to Kochin and then further to the Amritapuri Ashram.
This is Jim's FIRST time ever to India so I am very excited for him. Just found out Amma's going to be going on the South India Tour (Tamilnadu) on January 9, 2010 until January 25, 2010. Jim leaves the Ashram headed home on January 11, 2010 while I will be staying until February 4, 2010. This means that there is a good chance that I will be able to do the South India Tour with Amma - Yay!!!
I tell you...getting packed for both LA and India was a bit of a challenge this time around. I don't know whether it's because of the added stress of Christmas or just travelling with Jim?!?! Either way, we are now here in LA and have had our first meal at Baja Fresh (which I was craving) and now I am content.
I have recently taken up my knitting needles again and have been knitting up a storm. So...I am in the process of knitting myself a kimono style sweater which I worked on alot on the flight down fromVancouver. The Flight Attendants kept coming around asking me what I was making...I kept wanting to tell them to stop interrupting me as I was watching an episode of "House" with Jim on the computer.
It was nice that they took just great interest in my knitting and the Flight Attendant said to me as I disembarked, that she wants to see the sweater completed on my next flight. It's almost done anyhow!!!
I recently took a course in knitting with beads to make these really great chunky beaded necklaces. This is what I did for my four cousin sisters down in LA for Christmas gifts. I sure hope that they will like them. I also made one for my Mother. She seemed to like it. I am wondering if there is a way to make small enough ones for the Amma dolls and if that's even something that the Amma Doll Shop would like to have on-hand for sale?!?!
I feel as though my creative juices have started to flow and I am really excited about that. I hope to be able to harness some of that energy and produce some things for the Amma shop to sell and raise some money for the different charities. Seva is a great thing!
Will write more soon with details of the experiences and journey as it unfolds...
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah!
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah Everyone....
The blog starts again!
So Jim and I have arrived in Los Angeles today (December 20, 2009) at about 4pm. We are spending Christmas here and leaving December 26, 2009 on an Emirates flight to Kochin and then further to the Amritapuri Ashram.
This is Jim's FIRST time ever to India so I am very excited for him. Just found out Amma's going to be going on the South India Tour (Tamilnadu) on January 9, 2010 until January 25, 2010. Jim leaves the Ashram headed home on January 11, 2010 while I will be staying until February 4, 2010. This means that there is a good chance that I will be able to do the South India Tour with Amma - Yay!!!
I tell you...getting packed for both LA and India was a bit of a challenge this time around. I don't know whether it's because of the added stress of Christmas or just travelling with Jim?!?! Either way, we are now here in LA and have had our first meal at Baja Fresh (which I was craving) and now I am content.
I have recently taken up my knitting needles again and have been knitting up a storm. So...I am in the process of knitting myself a kimono style sweater which I worked on alot on the flight down fromVancouver. The Flight Attendants kept coming around asking me what I was making...I kept wanting to tell them to stop interrupting me as I was watching an episode of "House" with Jim on the computer.
It was nice that they took just great interest in my knitting and the Flight Attendant said to me as I disembarked, that she wants to see the sweater completed on my next flight. It's almost done anyhow!!!
I recently took a course in knitting with beads to make these really great chunky beaded necklaces. This is what I did for my four cousin sisters down in LA for Christmas gifts. I sure hope that they will like them. I also made one for my Mother. She seemed to like it. I am wondering if there is a way to make small enough ones for the Amma dolls and if that's even something that the Amma Doll Shop would like to have on-hand for sale?!?!
I feel as though my creative juices have started to flow and I am really excited about that. I hope to be able to harness some of that energy and produce some things for the Amma shop to sell and raise some money for the different charities. Seva is a great thing!
Will write more soon with details of the experiences and journey as it unfolds...
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Summer US Tour 2009...Wow...am I really going to do this?!?!
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
Seattle Programs were a given as it's my home city and we always do a lot of seva there, but really, am I going to do the entire US Tour this year???
The decision has been made and airline tickets have been booked and paid for. It seems that this year of 2009 would be my year to travel with Amma!
Seattle yielded some very amazing moments of true selfless service, being showered not only with flower petals by the Divine Mother but also with tonnes of Love and lessons which brought on a lot of humour.
I mentioned to Geetha Chechi and Hansa Chechi that I had brought 2 one pound bags of raw unsalted, unroasted cashews for Amma and that I didn't want them to circulate through the prasad table and get sold in the end as prasad. I wanted for Her to have something to eat on the road trip within the US and I know how much She loves cashews.
They both said that two pounds is a lot of cashews though and She will not keep that many for Herself. So I decided to take one pound to Her here in Seattle and give Her the other pound later (about half way through the tour) in Chicago. Both Geetha Chechi and Hansa Chechi felt that this was a better idea.
I took up the first pound along with the Amma dress that I had made at Amritapuri for Her and the two face cloths with borders of red hearts on them, all decorated nicely on a tray. Jim and I went for Darshan together (for every Darshan in Seattle this year) and as we were approaching and the next ones to be in Amma's Lap, I looked up at Geetha Chechi and asked her if she would tell Amma. Geetha Chechi said that I should say it and she would translate. So...I told Amma exactly what my intention was with the cashews (as I had told Geetha Chechi and Hansa Chechi earlier in the programs at Seattle.
Amma took hold of my right ear and pulled on it while telling me "there should be no conditions on your prasad offering". She took the bag of cashews and placed them in my half zipped up hoody (as if to say take them back with you). I gave Amma a very sad and disappointed child's look to which She frowned and pulled the bag back out of my hoody, looked at them and said to me "what if everyone gave Amma a bag like this, what would the state of Amma be - cholestorol and sugar" I looked over at Geetha Chechi and said "Amma knows I have another bag for Her in Chicago doesn't She" Geetha Chechi said that she had not said a word to Amma about that and Amma started laughing really loudly and started giving us Darshan. She was still laughing in my ear as She gave me Darshan. As I separated from Her, I looked at Her and said "I just want to make sure that Amma has something for the long roadtrips ahead" Amma responded by saying "I understand you innocence but prasad should have no conditions."
I got the message so loud and clear that the next day when we went up for Darshan (which was Devi Bhava) I decided to give Her the second bag and with it would come the message that She could do whatever She wanted to with it - She could keep it, She could sell it, it did not matter to me.
I had a big brass tray with wooden sandals in it for Amma to bless so that we could do Pada Puja to them in future in Vancouver and they were nicely decorated with all sorts of flower petals. Under this large tray was the second bag of cashews. It was completely hidden by the tray with the Padukas. As Devi blessed the sandals andthe tray moved to the left side She saw the bag of cashews and I said "Amma, you can do whatever you want with this bag - sell it, keep it - it's your choice" Amma smiled and rolled Her eyes as She gave me Darshan and pinched my cheek.
Later the next morning, I was right behond Christopher on stage as he was being married by Amma to his wife Cora. I was handing them the offerings that they had for Her. After they placed the garland on Amma, I handed them a shawl that they draped over Her shoulders and then handed forward a little cloth bag (I had no idea what was inside). They pulled out a bag of raw unsalted and unroasted cashews for Amma and as they handed it to Her, She leaned back in the chair and looked over Christopher's shoulder at me, smiled and rolled Her eyes.
I decided that I would give Her a bag of cashews in EVERY city now as the joke is good and it's created a nice little connection and communication with Her.
I had many other very beautiful experiences with Amma this year in Seattle. I took up my mini harmonium for blessings and Amma played it a little. She also gave me permission to get the video of that Darshan which is very special.
Amma held on to my hand one day at the end of the morning program as She stood and put on Her shoes which Prakash had been holding for Her.
One morning in Seattle I was sitting right at the corner edge of the pitham (platform) where Amma meditates with us. I had my Amma doll in my lap and She looked down at me and the way that I was caring for my doll and smiled and said "good"!
San Ramon on the other hand was quite challenging for me. I was on tour staff for just that location doing shuttle staff. Prachetas was the acting supervisor and he and I were staying at the same devotees house and we were together on the same shifts. He was constantly too wound up and stressed out and would take this out on some of the staff. It was getting to be a little too much. Not only were we not getting much time in the Hall with Mother, but then we were having to be on the receiving end of this kind of behaviour.
I gave Amma another bag of cashews in San Ramon and She gave me an apple alon gwith my regular prasad. She of course rolled Her eyes when I gave it to Her. This is a great on-going joke that I have with Her now and I love it!
The first Devi Bhava, I landed up giving my token away to Sanjay who had lost his/hers. Sanjay is a man who is going through the change to become a woman. His story is one that is quite sad and depressing and I felt that he needed Darshan more than I did and I knew that I would be able to receive Devi Bhava Darshan in other cities on tour. The second Devi Bhava in San Ramon, Bhavani Chechi requested that I not take Darshan and to spread the word to anyone else that I knew was doing the rest of the tour. Apparently, Amma wasn't feeling very well and She wouldn't make time if everyone received Darshan as She had to leave San Ramon by a certain time to make it to LA in time for the programs there. She is doing all of the tour in Her camper this year. So, I forfeited Devi Bhava Darshan that night too.
Los Angeles was a really nice program. The energy was a lot different than Seattle or San Ramon and it was a much more mellow atmosphere in my opinion. There was more room to move around and so it didn't feel as clastrophobic. The other thing I really loved about LA was that we were staying in the same hotel as all the programs, so if I felt tired or like I needed some space, it was easy enough to go up in the elevator to my room and veg out for a bit.
The first two days of public programs and the first day of the retreat I went out to the Beverly Hot Springs and just hung out there and got rejuvenated after the difficult and stressful times of San Ramon. In the best of times I find San Ramon to be difficult to cope with, let alone being on shuttle staff there.
I have been struggling a lot here around seva and tour staff because everyone wants me to be doing seva in their department but no one is willing to make me tour staff and then I realized that it is going to cost an additional $250 for all the meals on the public programs in each city as they are not covered for non-tour staff. The concept of seva is no longer selfless when they tell you to do lots of it on this tour and you might be considered for tour staff next year. All of a sudden this is no longer selfless service, this is service with the anticipation and expectation of a staff position the next year on tour (which may or may not happen for many reasons - they may not have any positions again, I may not have the availability to go on tour again next year).
Amala was great! She said to me that I am a full paying retreatant and I should do what I need to do for myself. If that means hanging out in the hotel room and watching TV and coming down to receive Darshan each day and going back up and eating ice cream in front of the TV, then that is exactly what I should do."
As a result, I have not really done much seva at all in LA. I just did my two hours of assigned retreatant seva and part of a jewellery shift, but then was told that I wasn't needed as it wasn't that busy. I guess I just needed to give myself permission to take care of myself and not to worry about what other people will or won't say or who I might be letting down or not by NOT busting my ass doing what they are calling "seva".
Selena (my cousin) lent me her car for the first three days that I was in LA so I had the ability to easily get around and do some stuff like the Beverly Hot Springs. I am so greatful to her for lending me her car. Monica (Selena's youger sister) was in town as well from Harvard Medical school and the three of us went for dinner on the second night of the retreat. I skipped the prasad dinner served by Amma to go with them as I figured I would get prasad dinner in every other retreat city since I don't know anyone in those cities.
In LA, I gave Amma a bag of cashews in Darshan one night and She gave me an apple again as part of my prasad. She gave me some very nice and long Darshans. On Devi Bhava night in LA, I gave Her a second bag of cashews and againShe gave me an apple and pinched my cheek. I find that to be such a huge blessing from Amma to have my cheek pinched. I always want to reciprocate but am afraid that they will kick me out of the hall for doing so. I know that people in India do it all the time. I saw it with my own eyes. She is just so...cute and adorable that I want to pinch those cheeks.
I took my Amma doll up with one of the sweaters that I made for it and told Amma that I made it and that I was going to make them for sale through the bookstore. Amma smiled and was happy to hear this.
Janaka and his Rabbi friend Karen came on Devi Bhava night to receive their first Darshan. They received token X3 so they were there till the very end and even saw Amma get into Her camper and leave for Albuquerque. They bought malas and had Mother bless them and place these items on them respectively. It was very nice to see their first Darshan.
Now I am in Albuquerque and it's only the first public program day which has been an 11am - 9pm program. Unfortunately, I am not in the same hotel as the program but I am in one that is just about 500 feet away.
I am looking forward to tomorrow as I have been going through some pretty rough emotional times since Devi Bhava in LA and I am feeling very emotionally raw at the moment. I am hoping that as I continue to spend time in the programs and around Amma, that these emotions will work themselves out and I will be able to retain a better sense of being.
Seattle Programs were a given as it's my home city and we always do a lot of seva there, but really, am I going to do the entire US Tour this year???
The decision has been made and airline tickets have been booked and paid for. It seems that this year of 2009 would be my year to travel with Amma!
Seattle yielded some very amazing moments of true selfless service, being showered not only with flower petals by the Divine Mother but also with tonnes of Love and lessons which brought on a lot of humour.
I mentioned to Geetha Chechi and Hansa Chechi that I had brought 2 one pound bags of raw unsalted, unroasted cashews for Amma and that I didn't want them to circulate through the prasad table and get sold in the end as prasad. I wanted for Her to have something to eat on the road trip within the US and I know how much She loves cashews.
They both said that two pounds is a lot of cashews though and She will not keep that many for Herself. So I decided to take one pound to Her here in Seattle and give Her the other pound later (about half way through the tour) in Chicago. Both Geetha Chechi and Hansa Chechi felt that this was a better idea.
I took up the first pound along with the Amma dress that I had made at Amritapuri for Her and the two face cloths with borders of red hearts on them, all decorated nicely on a tray. Jim and I went for Darshan together (for every Darshan in Seattle this year) and as we were approaching and the next ones to be in Amma's Lap, I looked up at Geetha Chechi and asked her if she would tell Amma. Geetha Chechi said that I should say it and she would translate. So...I told Amma exactly what my intention was with the cashews (as I had told Geetha Chechi and Hansa Chechi earlier in the programs at Seattle.
Amma took hold of my right ear and pulled on it while telling me "there should be no conditions on your prasad offering". She took the bag of cashews and placed them in my half zipped up hoody (as if to say take them back with you). I gave Amma a very sad and disappointed child's look to which She frowned and pulled the bag back out of my hoody, looked at them and said to me "what if everyone gave Amma a bag like this, what would the state of Amma be - cholestorol and sugar" I looked over at Geetha Chechi and said "Amma knows I have another bag for Her in Chicago doesn't She" Geetha Chechi said that she had not said a word to Amma about that and Amma started laughing really loudly and started giving us Darshan. She was still laughing in my ear as She gave me Darshan. As I separated from Her, I looked at Her and said "I just want to make sure that Amma has something for the long roadtrips ahead" Amma responded by saying "I understand you innocence but prasad should have no conditions."
I got the message so loud and clear that the next day when we went up for Darshan (which was Devi Bhava) I decided to give Her the second bag and with it would come the message that She could do whatever She wanted to with it - She could keep it, She could sell it, it did not matter to me.
I had a big brass tray with wooden sandals in it for Amma to bless so that we could do Pada Puja to them in future in Vancouver and they were nicely decorated with all sorts of flower petals. Under this large tray was the second bag of cashews. It was completely hidden by the tray with the Padukas. As Devi blessed the sandals andthe tray moved to the left side She saw the bag of cashews and I said "Amma, you can do whatever you want with this bag - sell it, keep it - it's your choice" Amma smiled and rolled Her eyes as She gave me Darshan and pinched my cheek.
Later the next morning, I was right behond Christopher on stage as he was being married by Amma to his wife Cora. I was handing them the offerings that they had for Her. After they placed the garland on Amma, I handed them a shawl that they draped over Her shoulders and then handed forward a little cloth bag (I had no idea what was inside). They pulled out a bag of raw unsalted and unroasted cashews for Amma and as they handed it to Her, She leaned back in the chair and looked over Christopher's shoulder at me, smiled and rolled Her eyes.
I decided that I would give Her a bag of cashews in EVERY city now as the joke is good and it's created a nice little connection and communication with Her.
I had many other very beautiful experiences with Amma this year in Seattle. I took up my mini harmonium for blessings and Amma played it a little. She also gave me permission to get the video of that Darshan which is very special.
Amma held on to my hand one day at the end of the morning program as She stood and put on Her shoes which Prakash had been holding for Her.
One morning in Seattle I was sitting right at the corner edge of the pitham (platform) where Amma meditates with us. I had my Amma doll in my lap and She looked down at me and the way that I was caring for my doll and smiled and said "good"!
San Ramon on the other hand was quite challenging for me. I was on tour staff for just that location doing shuttle staff. Prachetas was the acting supervisor and he and I were staying at the same devotees house and we were together on the same shifts. He was constantly too wound up and stressed out and would take this out on some of the staff. It was getting to be a little too much. Not only were we not getting much time in the Hall with Mother, but then we were having to be on the receiving end of this kind of behaviour.
I gave Amma another bag of cashews in San Ramon and She gave me an apple alon gwith my regular prasad. She of course rolled Her eyes when I gave it to Her. This is a great on-going joke that I have with Her now and I love it!
The first Devi Bhava, I landed up giving my token away to Sanjay who had lost his/hers. Sanjay is a man who is going through the change to become a woman. His story is one that is quite sad and depressing and I felt that he needed Darshan more than I did and I knew that I would be able to receive Devi Bhava Darshan in other cities on tour. The second Devi Bhava in San Ramon, Bhavani Chechi requested that I not take Darshan and to spread the word to anyone else that I knew was doing the rest of the tour. Apparently, Amma wasn't feeling very well and She wouldn't make time if everyone received Darshan as She had to leave San Ramon by a certain time to make it to LA in time for the programs there. She is doing all of the tour in Her camper this year. So, I forfeited Devi Bhava Darshan that night too.
Los Angeles was a really nice program. The energy was a lot different than Seattle or San Ramon and it was a much more mellow atmosphere in my opinion. There was more room to move around and so it didn't feel as clastrophobic. The other thing I really loved about LA was that we were staying in the same hotel as all the programs, so if I felt tired or like I needed some space, it was easy enough to go up in the elevator to my room and veg out for a bit.
The first two days of public programs and the first day of the retreat I went out to the Beverly Hot Springs and just hung out there and got rejuvenated after the difficult and stressful times of San Ramon. In the best of times I find San Ramon to be difficult to cope with, let alone being on shuttle staff there.
I have been struggling a lot here around seva and tour staff because everyone wants me to be doing seva in their department but no one is willing to make me tour staff and then I realized that it is going to cost an additional $250 for all the meals on the public programs in each city as they are not covered for non-tour staff. The concept of seva is no longer selfless when they tell you to do lots of it on this tour and you might be considered for tour staff next year. All of a sudden this is no longer selfless service, this is service with the anticipation and expectation of a staff position the next year on tour (which may or may not happen for many reasons - they may not have any positions again, I may not have the availability to go on tour again next year).
Amala was great! She said to me that I am a full paying retreatant and I should do what I need to do for myself. If that means hanging out in the hotel room and watching TV and coming down to receive Darshan each day and going back up and eating ice cream in front of the TV, then that is exactly what I should do."
As a result, I have not really done much seva at all in LA. I just did my two hours of assigned retreatant seva and part of a jewellery shift, but then was told that I wasn't needed as it wasn't that busy. I guess I just needed to give myself permission to take care of myself and not to worry about what other people will or won't say or who I might be letting down or not by NOT busting my ass doing what they are calling "seva".
Selena (my cousin) lent me her car for the first three days that I was in LA so I had the ability to easily get around and do some stuff like the Beverly Hot Springs. I am so greatful to her for lending me her car. Monica (Selena's youger sister) was in town as well from Harvard Medical school and the three of us went for dinner on the second night of the retreat. I skipped the prasad dinner served by Amma to go with them as I figured I would get prasad dinner in every other retreat city since I don't know anyone in those cities.
In LA, I gave Amma a bag of cashews in Darshan one night and She gave me an apple again as part of my prasad. She gave me some very nice and long Darshans. On Devi Bhava night in LA, I gave Her a second bag of cashews and againShe gave me an apple and pinched my cheek. I find that to be such a huge blessing from Amma to have my cheek pinched. I always want to reciprocate but am afraid that they will kick me out of the hall for doing so. I know that people in India do it all the time. I saw it with my own eyes. She is just so...cute and adorable that I want to pinch those cheeks.
I took my Amma doll up with one of the sweaters that I made for it and told Amma that I made it and that I was going to make them for sale through the bookstore. Amma smiled and was happy to hear this.
Janaka and his Rabbi friend Karen came on Devi Bhava night to receive their first Darshan. They received token X3 so they were there till the very end and even saw Amma get into Her camper and leave for Albuquerque. They bought malas and had Mother bless them and place these items on them respectively. It was very nice to see their first Darshan.
Now I am in Albuquerque and it's only the first public program day which has been an 11am - 9pm program. Unfortunately, I am not in the same hotel as the program but I am in one that is just about 500 feet away.
I am looking forward to tomorrow as I have been going through some pretty rough emotional times since Devi Bhava in LA and I am feeling very emotionally raw at the moment. I am hoping that as I continue to spend time in the programs and around Amma, that these emotions will work themselves out and I will be able to retain a better sense of being.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Baisakhi in Kenya this Year...
April 13, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
So...Happy Baisakhi to all of my Sikh Family and friends! It's weird to be in Kenya on Baisakhi at an Amma Program, but then it's also completely perfect.
We arrived at the hall a little later this morning since we did not have to set anything up. Today there were more Africans who showed up to the program. I was told later that they were all on payroll with the owner of the rose farm (one the big wigs in the Satsang in Kenya) and that he paid them their regular wage for the day but had them all come to the program to receive Darshan. There is something really odd about that.
All Staff members were asked to sit down during the Satsang and Bhajans as the hall was appearing really empty (both days).
I love working in the bookstore doing sales and/or cash. It's an opportunity to meet a lot of different people and see their reactions to their Darshan experiences through what and how much they purchase. It's really interesting! It's also a great opportunity to spend time with Swamini and build a relationship with her.
I did go off today again in the afternoon to do some shopping at the local Kenyan Market. That was a real trip. Every little shop has the same merchandise as the one next to it, yet they ALL want you to come in and see their goods. It starts with this invitation to come in and "look" and very quickly turns into this total "pressurized sale" as though you are in a pressure cooker and you just have to get out!
Anyhow...I was able to use my infinitely wonderful bargain skills and get several items for Jimmy and myself as a memory of my travels there moreso than anything.
Getting back to the Program Hall was the best thing that could have happened to me at that point in time. I was feeling really fried in the Market and needed some grounding. I was also expected to be up on stage behind Amma helping Brahmananda and Lola with the ceremonies at the end of Darshan. Amma did not do Devi Bhava here in Kenya so it was different to see the ceremonies done in Her form dressed in (soiled from the sweat and makeup of people's Darshan) white sari...energetically no different really, just visually different. I recognize that Amma, no matter how She is dressed, is the same ~ Divinity...ShivaShakti...the One and Only!
Amma landed up calling up all the Staff Members for Darshan (which we were not expecting) but that was really sweet. I wished Amma a "Baisakhi Mumbarak" and She smiled really brightly at me.
Again, we were back at our "lap of luxuries" by about 10:30pm after dinner at the Program Hall. The packing challenge is on. I have now acquired all sorts of things along the way on this Tour and have to try and squeeze it all into the duffle bag that I brought with me from the Ashram (which was full leaving there). I (somehow) managed to get it all in and was ready for the flight tomorrow.
We were picked up in the morning and were taken to a nearby restaurant for lunch. There was rumour last night that we were all going to be taken out to the rose farm owner's house (where Amma was staying) and would be served lunch by Amma there. Well, this did not happen. As a result, when we arrived at the restaurant, Amala and I took off to the Kenyan Market as she wanted to get some items for her husband. We were able to make it there and back within plenty of time to still eat and sit around waiting for the buses to take us to the airport.
Amma was on the same flight as we were, but we did not see Her at all as there were two separate doors - one for the first class and business class passengers (which She entered through) and one for the rest of us poor sardines in the back of the plane. The curtain was very quickly drawn so we did not even get much glimpses of Her.
I slept the entire way back to Kochin and was happy to be back in India ready to make my way with Sarvaga and Pasupati to the Ashram by train. I was done like dinner. I need some R&R time now. I know how Amma does it ~ She the Divine Mother, but I don't know how Swamini does it...God bless her!
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
So...Happy Baisakhi to all of my Sikh Family and friends! It's weird to be in Kenya on Baisakhi at an Amma Program, but then it's also completely perfect.
We arrived at the hall a little later this morning since we did not have to set anything up. Today there were more Africans who showed up to the program. I was told later that they were all on payroll with the owner of the rose farm (one the big wigs in the Satsang in Kenya) and that he paid them their regular wage for the day but had them all come to the program to receive Darshan. There is something really odd about that.
All Staff members were asked to sit down during the Satsang and Bhajans as the hall was appearing really empty (both days).
I love working in the bookstore doing sales and/or cash. It's an opportunity to meet a lot of different people and see their reactions to their Darshan experiences through what and how much they purchase. It's really interesting! It's also a great opportunity to spend time with Swamini and build a relationship with her.
I did go off today again in the afternoon to do some shopping at the local Kenyan Market. That was a real trip. Every little shop has the same merchandise as the one next to it, yet they ALL want you to come in and see their goods. It starts with this invitation to come in and "look" and very quickly turns into this total "pressurized sale" as though you are in a pressure cooker and you just have to get out!
Anyhow...I was able to use my infinitely wonderful bargain skills and get several items for Jimmy and myself as a memory of my travels there moreso than anything.
Getting back to the Program Hall was the best thing that could have happened to me at that point in time. I was feeling really fried in the Market and needed some grounding. I was also expected to be up on stage behind Amma helping Brahmananda and Lola with the ceremonies at the end of Darshan. Amma did not do Devi Bhava here in Kenya so it was different to see the ceremonies done in Her form dressed in (soiled from the sweat and makeup of people's Darshan) white sari...energetically no different really, just visually different. I recognize that Amma, no matter how She is dressed, is the same ~ Divinity...ShivaShakti...the One and Only!
Amma landed up calling up all the Staff Members for Darshan (which we were not expecting) but that was really sweet. I wished Amma a "Baisakhi Mumbarak" and She smiled really brightly at me.
Again, we were back at our "lap of luxuries" by about 10:30pm after dinner at the Program Hall. The packing challenge is on. I have now acquired all sorts of things along the way on this Tour and have to try and squeeze it all into the duffle bag that I brought with me from the Ashram (which was full leaving there). I (somehow) managed to get it all in and was ready for the flight tomorrow.
We were picked up in the morning and were taken to a nearby restaurant for lunch. There was rumour last night that we were all going to be taken out to the rose farm owner's house (where Amma was staying) and would be served lunch by Amma there. Well, this did not happen. As a result, when we arrived at the restaurant, Amala and I took off to the Kenyan Market as she wanted to get some items for her husband. We were able to make it there and back within plenty of time to still eat and sit around waiting for the buses to take us to the airport.
Amma was on the same flight as we were, but we did not see Her at all as there were two separate doors - one for the first class and business class passengers (which She entered through) and one for the rest of us poor sardines in the back of the plane. The curtain was very quickly drawn so we did not even get much glimpses of Her.
I slept the entire way back to Kochin and was happy to be back in India ready to make my way with Sarvaga and Pasupati to the Ashram by train. I was done like dinner. I need some R&R time now. I know how Amma does it ~ She the Divine Mother, but I don't know how Swamini does it...God bless her!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
First Day in Kenya Programs
April 12, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
The bus came and collected us from the "lap of luxury" apartments at 6:30am and we went to the Hall to set up the bookstore. The local devotees had attempted to set up the bookstore the night before with the stock that they had on hand. They did a really nice job of making displays with African cloths and textiles to cover the plastic containers that made up these multi-level tiers of a display, but it was not very economical with space. We ended up tearing down a good portion of what they had done and re-doing it much more economically while keeping their ideas of the multi-tiered displays.
Amma arrived at 10:30am and there were African Dancers to usher Her into the Hall. I took pictures of these dancers and live instrumentalists (drummers) as they were really good and seemed to really like the attention of the cameras.
On stage, Amma was greeted by the Masai (one male and one female) and was adorned with the attire of an Elder. There is significance of each of the 5 items in the attire. They are as follows:
The attire and the Regalia of Elder consists of 5 items. Each of these 5 items has a very special significance.
Blue skirt:
The Blue skirt, signifies a female Masai Elder. Only the female Elder wears a blue skirt.
White top:
Spiritual Leaders/Elders wear white top, white signifies purity and peace but most of all spirituality.
Ornaments:
The ornaments consist of necklace, headgear and wrists or arm bracelets. Each ornament is decorated with a large number of very colourful beads. The beads symbolize people of different origins, different beliefs, different faiths, different religions. All brought together to make a unique, and colourful item which shows unity and harmony.
Masai Milk Gourd:
Milk is a basic but most significant of all Masai foods. The colour of milk – white once again — signifies purity and peace. We understand that no Masai ritual is complete without milk being part of it.
Leather Sandals:
This is to assist you to walk long distances and to take you wherever you need to go far and wide. To spread your message of love, compassion, empathy and tolerance.
After this, the renowned advocate and human rights defender Dr. P.L.O Lumumba delivered a rousing speech. His speech was so powerful I felt as though I was in front of Dr. Martin Luther King himself. He drew a co-relation of Jesus sacrificing His life today (as it was Easter Sunday) for Love and Peace and Amma, the embodiment of the same was here to offer Darshan in a country that is in so much need of this.
At one point, he referred to Amma as an amazing human who travels the world spreading this message and then just minutes later acknowledged Her as an Avatar. It was extremely powerful and moving. I don't think I have to tell you that I was drawn to tears by his presentation to Amma, but I was.
Unfortunately, Kenya is not a very safe place to be out in public once the sun goes down. As such, Amma was only offering day programs in Kenya that would begin at about 10:30am upon Her arrival at the Hall and would go until about 7:30pm. This happened both days that we were in Kenya. On the first day, there were not very many Africans in the crowd at all. The only Africans that were present were the dignitaries on stage with Amma and the 54 orphans who were accepted into the orphanage that was being inaugurated by Amma's visit to Kenya.
I later found out that there were few Africans at the program because they could not afford to travel to the location of the Temple. Apparently, Amma had told the local Indian devotees, when they requested Her presence in Kenya for the opening of the orphanage, that only if the programs were held in a non-denominational public venue would She come to Kenya. The excuse that they later gave Her for going completely against Her request was that by the time She gave them Her dates of being in Kenya, there were no other venues available. I heard that the local Indian devotees were very controlling and racism is very big in Kenya. The Indians did not want the Africans to attend the programs therefore held it at a venue that was difficult for them to get to. This was (and still is) very upsetting to me as I could see how controlling the locallers were. I actually experienced it first hand working in the bookstore. The local devotees were trying to tell us how to do our jobs in the bookstore and in selling products and making change for the people purchasing items. This was very upsetting seeing that we had just finished doing this in 3 other tour cities with no such energy surrounding us in the bookstore.
It was very weird and a real test in just smiling and doing the very best that we could in loving and embracing all of these devotees who have been longing for Amma's Grace to shower upon them without gettig into our own vasanas (negative tendencies) and operating from that place in interaction with them.
Amma gave Darshan to the 54 totally adorable orphans which was completely heart-breaking to think that they were abandoned by their parents. The anticipation is that the orphanage will take in another 54 before too long amounting to 108 orphans. Really sad but also really heartening all at the same time.
I went to the Westgate Mall again today for a little while to find some native arts and clothing but was unsuccessful. Steven, the Ashram appointed driver said that he would take me tomorrow to get some stuff like that to take back to Canada.
Kenya doesn't seem anymore dangerous than India to me, even at night. We are all still forbidden to go out at night. Amma's programs ran from about 10:30am to 7:30pm and that's it. No evening programs for freight of the crowds and their safety at night. It was really odd to be back in our apartments by 10:30pm and getting prepared for bed. It felt as though we were suppose to be back at the hall to start the evening program with bhajans and Darshan.
Here We Go Again...
April 10, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
At 2pm today we will be on yet another flight to Mumbai for a 6 hour layover before flying to Nairobi, Kenya. This is absolutely ridiculous that we were already so close to Africa being in Mauritius and now we have to fly all the way back to India just to fly back to Kenya. This can't be helping the carbon footprints of each individual on this tour or the universe as a whole.
On the flight to Mumbai, since it was an afternoon flight and I had had a good night sleep before, I watched the movie "Marley and Me" and oh my God, I am missing Yogi and Bana beyond belief. The ending of this movie was quite sad and had me crying. It's a good thing that I watched the movie as I had this really weird lady sitting next to me on the plane who was very aggressive with the flight attendants and generally not a very nice woman.
I have decided to back to Amritapuri after Kenya and NOT do the Kochin Tour. I am feeling really "full" and been worked on so many levels - mental, physical, emotional and spiritual and I am feeling really good right now. I don't want to overdo it and feel bad about my entire experience of touring with Amma. Also, the India Tours are very different and you don't get a lot of close intimate time with Amma as we have had on this foreign tour. The Indian Tours (from my experience of the three cities before Singapore) was that they are very big and lots of crowds (not unlike India in general). I don't think I could handle the crowds and clastrophobia that would come along with the crowds.
So, I will go back to Amritapuri, take about 5 days and go to Varkala (beach resort about 2 hours form Amritapuri) and then come back to the Ashram and try to make arrangements to return home within the first week of May. Varkala will be a nice rejuvenation from being physically sick and energetically spent on this tour.
April 11, 2009
The trip from Mumbai to Nairobi on Kenya Air was great! I had 3 seats to myself and slept the entire 5 hours of the flight. It was the best flight yet!
Kenya is very rough looking and met all of my preconceived ideas. It is even more rough looking than India.
We were put up in some very, very nice fully furnished apartments and since we were the first to arrive, I took one of the two single beds in the bedroom with an ensuite bathroom. This is the lap of luxury compared to what we've been dealing with thusfar. In all the other places, it was the single thermarest with a shawl over it to provide some comfort on the floor. This was an actual bed with cushions and a pillow. It was a 2 bedroom apartment with 2 single beds in one of the rooms and a double bed in the other room. There were 8 guys assigned to each apartment.
I took a bit of a rest after getting settled into my room and slept for about an hour when I was told that there were some people in this mini-group of early travellers who were going to go to a nearby mall to catch a bus to the Safari. I got up and joined them on the bus.
We ended up eating really good sushi at the Westgate Mall and then most of us (Phillipe, Prabhu, Madhu Sri, Peggy, Parri and myself) went on to the Nairobi Safari Walk. This felt really good because finally I was starting to take in some of the local sites in the City that we were in. For Reunion Island and Mauritius, I was either really busy with tour staff duties or I was sick and in bed while everyone else enjoyed the town before the programs.
The Safari Walk was really nice and the animals did not seem like they were that upset by the fact that they were somewhat caged. Mostly, they had a lot of space to roam around in and feel secure in their surroundings. For feeding time, they were brought into cages but that is for the safety of the representatives of the park. I took some pretty amazing pictures of the lions and leopard and ostridge and other animals that we saw there.
We got to the Temple Hall where the programs are to be held at about 8pm and had a really good dinner and went back to the apartments. It was decided that we would arrive at the hall in the morning at about 6:30am to set up the bookstore as there was another party in that hall and we could not get access for another hour. No one wanted to wait around for that period of time as they had all just arrived and came straight to the hall for dinner.
I slept like a baby for the first time on tour (with the exception of when I was sick and drugged out of my mind to know any better).
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
At 2pm today we will be on yet another flight to Mumbai for a 6 hour layover before flying to Nairobi, Kenya. This is absolutely ridiculous that we were already so close to Africa being in Mauritius and now we have to fly all the way back to India just to fly back to Kenya. This can't be helping the carbon footprints of each individual on this tour or the universe as a whole.
On the flight to Mumbai, since it was an afternoon flight and I had had a good night sleep before, I watched the movie "Marley and Me" and oh my God, I am missing Yogi and Bana beyond belief. The ending of this movie was quite sad and had me crying. It's a good thing that I watched the movie as I had this really weird lady sitting next to me on the plane who was very aggressive with the flight attendants and generally not a very nice woman.
I have decided to back to Amritapuri after Kenya and NOT do the Kochin Tour. I am feeling really "full" and been worked on so many levels - mental, physical, emotional and spiritual and I am feeling really good right now. I don't want to overdo it and feel bad about my entire experience of touring with Amma. Also, the India Tours are very different and you don't get a lot of close intimate time with Amma as we have had on this foreign tour. The Indian Tours (from my experience of the three cities before Singapore) was that they are very big and lots of crowds (not unlike India in general). I don't think I could handle the crowds and clastrophobia that would come along with the crowds.
So, I will go back to Amritapuri, take about 5 days and go to Varkala (beach resort about 2 hours form Amritapuri) and then come back to the Ashram and try to make arrangements to return home within the first week of May. Varkala will be a nice rejuvenation from being physically sick and energetically spent on this tour.
April 11, 2009
The trip from Mumbai to Nairobi on Kenya Air was great! I had 3 seats to myself and slept the entire 5 hours of the flight. It was the best flight yet!
Kenya is very rough looking and met all of my preconceived ideas. It is even more rough looking than India.
We were put up in some very, very nice fully furnished apartments and since we were the first to arrive, I took one of the two single beds in the bedroom with an ensuite bathroom. This is the lap of luxury compared to what we've been dealing with thusfar. In all the other places, it was the single thermarest with a shawl over it to provide some comfort on the floor. This was an actual bed with cushions and a pillow. It was a 2 bedroom apartment with 2 single beds in one of the rooms and a double bed in the other room. There were 8 guys assigned to each apartment.
I took a bit of a rest after getting settled into my room and slept for about an hour when I was told that there were some people in this mini-group of early travellers who were going to go to a nearby mall to catch a bus to the Safari. I got up and joined them on the bus.
We ended up eating really good sushi at the Westgate Mall and then most of us (Phillipe, Prabhu, Madhu Sri, Peggy, Parri and myself) went on to the Nairobi Safari Walk. This felt really good because finally I was starting to take in some of the local sites in the City that we were in. For Reunion Island and Mauritius, I was either really busy with tour staff duties or I was sick and in bed while everyone else enjoyed the town before the programs.
The Safari Walk was really nice and the animals did not seem like they were that upset by the fact that they were somewhat caged. Mostly, they had a lot of space to roam around in and feel secure in their surroundings. For feeding time, they were brought into cages but that is for the safety of the representatives of the park. I took some pretty amazing pictures of the lions and leopard and ostridge and other animals that we saw there.
We got to the Temple Hall where the programs are to be held at about 8pm and had a really good dinner and went back to the apartments. It was decided that we would arrive at the hall in the morning at about 6:30am to set up the bookstore as there was another party in that hall and we could not get access for another hour. No one wanted to wait around for that period of time as they had all just arrived and came straight to the hall for dinner.
I slept like a baby for the first time on tour (with the exception of when I was sick and drugged out of my mind to know any better).
Friday, April 24, 2009
This Tour is Half Over...
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
Upon arriving in Mauritius from Reuion Island, I was very sick. That which I was feeling the night before at Devi Bhava was now full on and travelling on that super small plane from Reunion to Mauritius did not help. There was no room to breathe, it was very clastrophobic and the recycled air on planes did not help matters.
I went straight to bed upon arriving in Mauritius. We were being put up in a house on the next street over from the Amma Centre and Brahmastanam Temple. I did not realize until we were there, that Mauritius is a Brahmastanam Festival.
I was obviously NOT thinking straight as I landed up just pluncking myself down in the room that had the ONLY one adjoining bathroom. I did not realize that that room would be a high traffic room as a result, but all of the rooms would have been high traffic in retrospect because in order to access the room with the bathroom, one would have to go through all of the other rooms. the design of this place was not the greatest.
I was running a fever and found myself waking up in the middle of the night (it actually wasn't that late, but it seemed it to me) and had the Tour Doctor take a look at me. He gave me some pills for the fever to bring down the fever and some other pills for the pain as I was experiencing a very stiff headache. These drugs seemed to do the trick!
I was so out of it that first day and night that I didn't even know whether people were using the bathroom or not. I woke up the next morning and found that the others had arrived (the night before) and had figured out their place in this house. I also heard that some people had actually gone out last night and figured out the "lay of the land" as the Ashram was situated right on the main road. If you walk down that road just a little ways, you would come across a Pizza Hut and a KFC (go figure) and then the Courts were just a little further down the road.
I went out and had some food at Pizza Hut as I was starving and had no idea what the meal plan was with this Ashram. It seemed to be different in every tour city. The pizza was good and I got some Mauritius Rupees out of the machine and made my way back to the Ashram to find out what was going on there. I was in such a time warp what with being separated from the larger group (by having to be on these other flights) AND being sick, I had no idea when the first program was to be held or if I had already missed the first program.
When I arrived at the Ashram, I noticed that in the outdoor space next to the Ashram, there was a tin roof that was put up and the bookstore was being set up under that roof. I went and started to assist Amala in setting up the bookstore. Swamini was in a bit of a mood but I seemed to win her over. She was nothing but sweet to me, although I did see the Kali tongue come out in her toward others.
This was a really amazing city. I ended up being promoted to cashier for the bookstore for this entire stop. That was great. I really enjoyed working with the cash and creating change for people. We seemed to be really short staffed in Mauritius all of a sudden. I don't know whether it's because people over-worked themselves in the previous two stops and now had no more steam to carry through or whether they just didn't want to do the seva anymore. Part of the dilemma was that there were not a lot of local devotees to do a lot of the "prashad sevas" in the hall. I call them "prashad sevas" because they are not really considered seva. They are more considered blessings. To work around Amma in the capacity of token collecting, prashad giving, prashad running, prashad rolling, pulling, line, etc. these are all priviledges not seva.
Having said this, I had my fair share of doing some of those "prashad sevas" inside the hall as well as working my butt off at the bookstore this stop. Thank Amma, that we did not have to tear down and set-up each day again!
On this first night, when Aarti began, it was amazing. I was working in the bookstore and all of a sudden, EVERY single person in that outter hall area stood to feet in complete and utter reverance for Amma. I was so moved that I was literally drawn to tears and had to go over to Amala and cry my eyes out for a few moments.
Touring with the separation of men from women in foreign lands is a lot like my experiences of Scout camp. Needless to say, Amma was working on so many levels for me. Now, my childhood issues were starting to come up. Issues of being a "loner" and being "left out" were prevailing more than you can imagine.
Sexuality is a real issue on this human physical level. If we move "up" to the spiritual level then there is no issues. I was feeling like there was a clique being started that I was not a part of because of my sexuality. There were many guys who went out together for meals but would never consider inviting me. It was quite painful to go through this experience of the human realm.
We were in Mauritius for 3 days/nights of programs. There was no Devi Bhava here. There was only Devi Bhava in Singapore and Reunion Island. I was really greatful that we were able to see the end of both of those Devi Bhavas as there was some mention that we may not be able to since we were on the earlier flights to the next destination.
On the last evening, I did the Saturn Puja for Jan (Jim's aunt) whom I had a very strong image of when I performed that Puja for my parents in Banglore. By this point in the Tour, I had made up my mind that I was NOT going to do the Kochin Tour that Amma had planned immediately after our return from Kenya. I felt quite content with the experiences thusfar and felt that before I "overdid" it, I wanted to stop short so that I could return to the West with positive feelings about touring with Amma, not horrible disdain.
As such, I decided that this would be my last opportunity to do the Saturn Puja and I had put out that intention to perform that Puja specifically for Jan. Jim was in Denver at this time too, so that was kind of an interesting synchronicity. My spine started shaking and I got the shivers when Amma chanted "Prem do Jagadambe, Bhakti do Jagadambe, Vishvaas dekar Raksha Karo Jagadambe" This was a powerful Puja and I have the little package of vibhuti (sacred ash) and the receipt from the Puja to send off to Jan with a bit of an explanation of the Puja and its significance as well as the sacred ash as I know that she won't understand what to do with any of it.
Bhavani Chechi asked me to sing her a little bit of Kirtan while she handed out tokens on the last night (which was totally crazy and went until 4:30am). I sang her two lines of the Shabad "Satgur Ho-ay Dayal" and she said that I should sing it for Amma sometime. I said that I would love to sing it for Her and would she help me make that happen. Bhavani Chechi said "it will happen...it will happen"
I am so pleased that I did this tour as I have been able to make some really great connections with so many people. I had a really fun and good connection with 20 year old Laxman who has been playing with his facial hair and at times has looked like a typical Malayalee Film Star (if only his skin tone was a little darker)!!!
At the very end of Darshan on that last night, I got the chance to assist Kripa Prana, Amala and Brahmananda with passing things back and forth behind the Peetham for the ceremonies. There were some baby first feedings, some children starting school (so the first writings in a tray of rice) and some marriage ceremonies. by the end of all of the ceremonies, I was buried in Aarti trays, prashad trays of fruits and chocolates and garlands. Amma started singing Her new Punjabi Bhajan "Khol Dharvaaza Sheranwali" while I was stuck under all of these blessed trays of goodness that She had utilized to serve and bless the local devotees of Mauritius. I tell you, it doesn't get any better than this. I felt a little like Bibi Bhani (Guru Amar Das Ji's daughter) when she sat next to her Father and held his platform up with her hand as one of the legs of the platform had broken. This kind of dedication and devotion to the Divine Mother to just sit and hold in reverance all of the supplies for the ceremonies while She graced the Satsang with Her presence and enthused singing of a new high-energy Punjabi bhajan was what I was experiencing in that moment. It brings a great smile to my face even now as I recount that moment in my journalling and type it into this blog! Can I do that 27/7 - 365 days of the year?!?!
Upon arriving in Mauritius from Reuion Island, I was very sick. That which I was feeling the night before at Devi Bhava was now full on and travelling on that super small plane from Reunion to Mauritius did not help. There was no room to breathe, it was very clastrophobic and the recycled air on planes did not help matters.
I went straight to bed upon arriving in Mauritius. We were being put up in a house on the next street over from the Amma Centre and Brahmastanam Temple. I did not realize until we were there, that Mauritius is a Brahmastanam Festival.
I was obviously NOT thinking straight as I landed up just pluncking myself down in the room that had the ONLY one adjoining bathroom. I did not realize that that room would be a high traffic room as a result, but all of the rooms would have been high traffic in retrospect because in order to access the room with the bathroom, one would have to go through all of the other rooms. the design of this place was not the greatest.
I was running a fever and found myself waking up in the middle of the night (it actually wasn't that late, but it seemed it to me) and had the Tour Doctor take a look at me. He gave me some pills for the fever to bring down the fever and some other pills for the pain as I was experiencing a very stiff headache. These drugs seemed to do the trick!
I was so out of it that first day and night that I didn't even know whether people were using the bathroom or not. I woke up the next morning and found that the others had arrived (the night before) and had figured out their place in this house. I also heard that some people had actually gone out last night and figured out the "lay of the land" as the Ashram was situated right on the main road. If you walk down that road just a little ways, you would come across a Pizza Hut and a KFC (go figure) and then the Courts were just a little further down the road.
I went out and had some food at Pizza Hut as I was starving and had no idea what the meal plan was with this Ashram. It seemed to be different in every tour city. The pizza was good and I got some Mauritius Rupees out of the machine and made my way back to the Ashram to find out what was going on there. I was in such a time warp what with being separated from the larger group (by having to be on these other flights) AND being sick, I had no idea when the first program was to be held or if I had already missed the first program.
When I arrived at the Ashram, I noticed that in the outdoor space next to the Ashram, there was a tin roof that was put up and the bookstore was being set up under that roof. I went and started to assist Amala in setting up the bookstore. Swamini was in a bit of a mood but I seemed to win her over. She was nothing but sweet to me, although I did see the Kali tongue come out in her toward others.
This was a really amazing city. I ended up being promoted to cashier for the bookstore for this entire stop. That was great. I really enjoyed working with the cash and creating change for people. We seemed to be really short staffed in Mauritius all of a sudden. I don't know whether it's because people over-worked themselves in the previous two stops and now had no more steam to carry through or whether they just didn't want to do the seva anymore. Part of the dilemma was that there were not a lot of local devotees to do a lot of the "prashad sevas" in the hall. I call them "prashad sevas" because they are not really considered seva. They are more considered blessings. To work around Amma in the capacity of token collecting, prashad giving, prashad running, prashad rolling, pulling, line, etc. these are all priviledges not seva.
Having said this, I had my fair share of doing some of those "prashad sevas" inside the hall as well as working my butt off at the bookstore this stop. Thank Amma, that we did not have to tear down and set-up each day again!
On this first night, when Aarti began, it was amazing. I was working in the bookstore and all of a sudden, EVERY single person in that outter hall area stood to feet in complete and utter reverance for Amma. I was so moved that I was literally drawn to tears and had to go over to Amala and cry my eyes out for a few moments.
Touring with the separation of men from women in foreign lands is a lot like my experiences of Scout camp. Needless to say, Amma was working on so many levels for me. Now, my childhood issues were starting to come up. Issues of being a "loner" and being "left out" were prevailing more than you can imagine.
Sexuality is a real issue on this human physical level. If we move "up" to the spiritual level then there is no issues. I was feeling like there was a clique being started that I was not a part of because of my sexuality. There were many guys who went out together for meals but would never consider inviting me. It was quite painful to go through this experience of the human realm.
We were in Mauritius for 3 days/nights of programs. There was no Devi Bhava here. There was only Devi Bhava in Singapore and Reunion Island. I was really greatful that we were able to see the end of both of those Devi Bhavas as there was some mention that we may not be able to since we were on the earlier flights to the next destination.
On the last evening, I did the Saturn Puja for Jan (Jim's aunt) whom I had a very strong image of when I performed that Puja for my parents in Banglore. By this point in the Tour, I had made up my mind that I was NOT going to do the Kochin Tour that Amma had planned immediately after our return from Kenya. I felt quite content with the experiences thusfar and felt that before I "overdid" it, I wanted to stop short so that I could return to the West with positive feelings about touring with Amma, not horrible disdain.
As such, I decided that this would be my last opportunity to do the Saturn Puja and I had put out that intention to perform that Puja specifically for Jan. Jim was in Denver at this time too, so that was kind of an interesting synchronicity. My spine started shaking and I got the shivers when Amma chanted "Prem do Jagadambe, Bhakti do Jagadambe, Vishvaas dekar Raksha Karo Jagadambe" This was a powerful Puja and I have the little package of vibhuti (sacred ash) and the receipt from the Puja to send off to Jan with a bit of an explanation of the Puja and its significance as well as the sacred ash as I know that she won't understand what to do with any of it.
Bhavani Chechi asked me to sing her a little bit of Kirtan while she handed out tokens on the last night (which was totally crazy and went until 4:30am). I sang her two lines of the Shabad "Satgur Ho-ay Dayal" and she said that I should sing it for Amma sometime. I said that I would love to sing it for Her and would she help me make that happen. Bhavani Chechi said "it will happen...it will happen"
I am so pleased that I did this tour as I have been able to make some really great connections with so many people. I had a really fun and good connection with 20 year old Laxman who has been playing with his facial hair and at times has looked like a typical Malayalee Film Star (if only his skin tone was a little darker)!!!
At the very end of Darshan on that last night, I got the chance to assist Kripa Prana, Amala and Brahmananda with passing things back and forth behind the Peetham for the ceremonies. There were some baby first feedings, some children starting school (so the first writings in a tray of rice) and some marriage ceremonies. by the end of all of the ceremonies, I was buried in Aarti trays, prashad trays of fruits and chocolates and garlands. Amma started singing Her new Punjabi Bhajan "Khol Dharvaaza Sheranwali" while I was stuck under all of these blessed trays of goodness that She had utilized to serve and bless the local devotees of Mauritius. I tell you, it doesn't get any better than this. I felt a little like Bibi Bhani (Guru Amar Das Ji's daughter) when she sat next to her Father and held his platform up with her hand as one of the legs of the platform had broken. This kind of dedication and devotion to the Divine Mother to just sit and hold in reverance all of the supplies for the ceremonies while She graced the Satsang with Her presence and enthused singing of a new high-energy Punjabi bhajan was what I was experiencing in that moment. It brings a great smile to my face even now as I recount that moment in my journalling and type it into this blog! Can I do that 27/7 - 365 days of the year?!?!
Reunion Island is Beautiful but Exhausting!
April 2, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
What a long and tedious flight but we are here and this Ashram in Reunion Island is just magnificent. What a gorgeous and natural place. There is a lot of vegetation on the property and it's very free-flowing and organic. Just beautiful! There are little shrines all over with Shivalingams and statues of Devi all over. The paintings in the bhajan hall are just unreal. Apparently, a local devotee painted all of them. It's a shame though because apparently, there is no a lot of on-going activities at the Ashram in Reuion. It has all this beauty but it's not really being shared with many people.
The one good thing about being on these long drawn out flights was that we arrived in the next city before anyone else in the larger group so we had our free range of choices where to sleep. After putting down my stuff in my assigned room (which was quite comfortable with matresses on the floor) I went down to explore the grounds and have some food.
The amount of baguette and butter that we all consumed in Reunion and Mauritius combined is probably more bread than I have ever eaten in my entire life. It seemed that that was all we were being offered for morning breakfast and snacks. We learnt very quickly to be greatful for what we are offered!
Later that evening, Amma arrived with the rest of the clan. The local devotees started chanting "Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah" to the tune of Amma's famous "Aum Namah Shivaya" bhajan. It was quite powerful and Amma seemed to really love it. As soon as She arrived, She went straight to the kitchen area and wanted to serve everyone prashad. There was not a lot around and so She started asking for the prashad that they brought with them. Swamini told me that Dayalu had some in his bags and to get it from him. Dayalu brought that prashad to Amma and She started to serve it to everyone all the while saying it's prashad from the Brahmastanam Temple. She began by serving people pieces of coconut until the prashad materialized.
We were there for 4 days which meant 8 programs (one in the morning and one in the evening). Each program was held in a different venue with the exception of two programs (back to back) which were held in the same place. This meant that out of 8 programs, we had to tear down the bookstore and set it up again 7 times. This was just insane. We were so tired by the end of this stop.
I helped with the Bookstore set-up and the first 3 hours of the bookstore being open. Then, very quickly (on the first evening program) I was approached by Bhavani Chechi (big sister) to help her give out tokens. This landed up morphing into "token collector" which is a position right in front of Mother at the end of the Darshan line just on the threshold of where people are sitting on the chairs to where they begin to kneel on the ground in front of Amma. What a blessing this was to be in this role and so close to Amma. Often, I still couldn't see Her as there tends to be a nice little crowd around Her that blocked vision of Her to the people sitting just beyond the next few in line receiving Darshan, but it was fine. The energy of being that close to Her physically is more than words can describe.
The rules were very specific; every individual of the family in line to receive Darshan MUST have a token. If they didn't have a token, they needed to leave the line and get a token from Bhavani and return to the line for Darshan. I was following this as best I could. The people doing line entry and moving people up in the line were not checking to ensure that they ALL had tokens for Darshan so by the time they approached the front of the line, I would discover that they did not have a token and would have to remove them from the line. Also, the local devotees who were doing "Assistant Lap" position would just bring people in from the side lines without tokens. It was very challenging to say the least. I was able to make a good connection with Bhavani Chechi and Geetha Chechi doing this role.
April 3, 2009
Morning Programs (for the most part) were held at the Ashram where we were staying so that was kind of nice. I was working at the Bookstore when all of a sudden I was beckoned to Amma. All of a sudden I felt my heart shrink up and my mind start going at a million miles per second. I had no idea why I was being called to Her. She has never really acknowledged me before other than when I have gone for Darshan and in my dreams and meditations so what could this be about???
I came to Her right side where Geetha Chechi was and she leaned into me and gave me the head's up that someone complained to Amma last night that I had removed them from line because they didn't have a token. It was so kind of Geetha Chechi to inform me what this was about before Amma's Kali wrath came down on me. So...I officially received my first scolding from Amma.
Amma looked over at me and asked me if I had turned people out of the Darshan Line last night for not having a token. I said (coweressly) "yes" as that was the truth. I was told that each person needs to have their own token to receive Darshan.
Amma looked at me with a lot of compassion in Her eyes and shook Her head and said "No...if they come that near to Amma and they don't have a token, let it be, they don't know the process and to turn them away makes them sad and heavy-hearted"
I felt horrible and returned to my post at the Bookstore practically in tears for having done something so inconsiderate. Shortly after that, I was telling Swamini and Amala how I messed up and how I hoped that I would get the opportunity to redeem myself (as I thought for sure I will never be given that opportunity to serve Amma in that capacity again). All of a sudden, Bhavani Chechi swooped through the Bookstore and handed all the Tour Staff Darshan Tokens. Through the mass of shoppers, she readhed and handed me a token and commanded: "go for Darshan"
I thought - what's this? I just got scolded and now I am supposed to go for Darshan? I don't get it. Swamini gave me this really nice Amethyst and Pearl mala (necklace) to place on Amma to later sell as prashad through the bookstore. She knows me too well. Purple being my favourite colour and Amethyst at that, it was the perfect thing for me to take as an offering to Amma after my wrong-doing.
As I approached Amma with a very full heart and welled up eyes, I placed the mala over Amma's head and I said "Shemikkeneme Amme" which means "Forgive me Amma" to which she let out a big belly laugh. She took me into Her bossom for Darshan and again I said it to Her as I separated from Her. She pinched my left cheek and smiled and handed me prashad.
I went back to the bookstore seva and proptly asked Swamini how much that mala would cost - she said she'd let me know.
The evening program was at a gorgeous outdoor venue near the water. There were several yurts set up on these beautiful grounds. It was the kind of place where many weddings would probably be conducted. We were all so hungry and were having a very difficult time sitting through the Satsang and Bhajans without some food, but somehow (barely) we managed.
I worked in the bookstore the entire night. At the end of the night, Swamini gave me a bag of vibhuti (sacred ash) to take up to Amma to have blessed. I went up to Geetha Chechi's side witht he bag open and it was very sweet. Amma took some of the vibhuti and put it on my forehead and then Geetha Chechi said "open your mouth" and Amma popped a piece of chocolate in my mouth.
I immediately moved away as Darshan was still going on, it was just widing down. As Geetha Chechi, Bhavani Chechi and I got on the bus to go back to the Ashram, Geetha Chechi said that Amma asked where I had first come to see Her. Geetha Chechi said it must have been Seattle as he's Canadian. Amma apparently nodded Her head. It seems like I may have made it on the map in Amma's conscience.
The bus ride back was hellish. There were not enough seats for everyone and the aisle was full too. I was sitting at the very back of the bus on the floor in the aisle squashed. It was a 2 hour drive to the Ashram.
April 4, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
The morning program was again held at the Ashram and I worked the bookstore. My God, were my vasanas (negative tendencies) coming up or what. I kept feeling that all the cashiers were slacking. Amala is working really hard to break me of my "perfectionistic" way of being.
The evening program was held in a banquet hall (and this where the next morning program would be held too). I barely started working the bookstore and was whisked off to do token collecting again. I ended up doing it the entire night until the end of Darshan. It was great!
Amma got really upset with the locallers and Premananda Swami as the buses to the Ashram had left and the accomodations at this banquet hall were less than desirable. Amma laughed saying (in English) "buses gone and Prashanta gone too". (Prashanta was the organizer of this entire Tour).
She reamed out the local Swami and made him make arrangements for the women on Tour Staff. Men were stuck with the shitty accomodations.
April 5, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
I was woken up by the sounds of the women arriving in the morning from their various accomodation spots and placing their stuff down in the room that originally started out being the "womens room" in this banquet hall. There were not many men on tour to begin with and most of them fitin the smaller room that was designated the "mens room" but I stayed out in the open space of the (former) women's space. Amala laughed her head off when she saw that I was the only man sleeping in the women's area and thought that that was great! I told her that I don't really get the point. I mean the reason why men are separated from women - I get. But for me, being gay, it doesn't work to put me with the men. The temptation is through the roof. She laughed and agreed with my logic.
I worked part of the day at the bookstore and part of the day as token collector in the hall. I was really glad that my little mistake didn't prevent me from being able to do that role again.
As soon as the morning program was over, we took the bookstore over to the next (and final) hall which was at a Hindu Temple. This was where Devi Bhava was going to be held. It was a nice big hall and we set up the bookstore with quite a bit of anxst from people (on Tour). We kept just saying "we are all tired, so let's just try and breathe and not get on each others nerves too much". I started to feel really sick and was coming down with a cold. I had been sneezing a lot and started to get a scratchy throat. Yay...just in time for Devi Bhava, Mother is turning up the heat a little. As if that were not enough, it started pouring down with rain like I have never seen before in my life. It was like a tornado had hit or something. The roof of the hall was tin and the rain was so fierce that you couldn't even hear the bhajans on the sound system through the clinking of the rain pellets on tin roof. Every so often, Devi would look up to the roof and smile mischieviously! She was wearing a beautiful gold sari and looked just Divine!
We all (Tour Staff) received Darshan that night from Devi which was really sweet. Right after receiving Darshan, I had the opportunity to give prashad to Devi which was so sweet and then I sat just near Devi on the stage for some time. It was nearing the end of Devi Bhava and I came off stage and sat next to the musicians to be able to watch everyone walk around in circles in front of Devi and be showered with flower petals by the Divine Mother Herself.
We landed up waiting a long time before the bus came to collect us and take us to the same banquet hall of the night before (it seemed like a bad dream that just kept repeating itself) for a few hours of sleep before we were taken to the airport for our (earlier than anyone else) flight to Mauritius.
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
What a long and tedious flight but we are here and this Ashram in Reunion Island is just magnificent. What a gorgeous and natural place. There is a lot of vegetation on the property and it's very free-flowing and organic. Just beautiful! There are little shrines all over with Shivalingams and statues of Devi all over. The paintings in the bhajan hall are just unreal. Apparently, a local devotee painted all of them. It's a shame though because apparently, there is no a lot of on-going activities at the Ashram in Reuion. It has all this beauty but it's not really being shared with many people.
The one good thing about being on these long drawn out flights was that we arrived in the next city before anyone else in the larger group so we had our free range of choices where to sleep. After putting down my stuff in my assigned room (which was quite comfortable with matresses on the floor) I went down to explore the grounds and have some food.
The amount of baguette and butter that we all consumed in Reunion and Mauritius combined is probably more bread than I have ever eaten in my entire life. It seemed that that was all we were being offered for morning breakfast and snacks. We learnt very quickly to be greatful for what we are offered!
Later that evening, Amma arrived with the rest of the clan. The local devotees started chanting "Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah" to the tune of Amma's famous "Aum Namah Shivaya" bhajan. It was quite powerful and Amma seemed to really love it. As soon as She arrived, She went straight to the kitchen area and wanted to serve everyone prashad. There was not a lot around and so She started asking for the prashad that they brought with them. Swamini told me that Dayalu had some in his bags and to get it from him. Dayalu brought that prashad to Amma and She started to serve it to everyone all the while saying it's prashad from the Brahmastanam Temple. She began by serving people pieces of coconut until the prashad materialized.
We were there for 4 days which meant 8 programs (one in the morning and one in the evening). Each program was held in a different venue with the exception of two programs (back to back) which were held in the same place. This meant that out of 8 programs, we had to tear down the bookstore and set it up again 7 times. This was just insane. We were so tired by the end of this stop.
I helped with the Bookstore set-up and the first 3 hours of the bookstore being open. Then, very quickly (on the first evening program) I was approached by Bhavani Chechi (big sister) to help her give out tokens. This landed up morphing into "token collector" which is a position right in front of Mother at the end of the Darshan line just on the threshold of where people are sitting on the chairs to where they begin to kneel on the ground in front of Amma. What a blessing this was to be in this role and so close to Amma. Often, I still couldn't see Her as there tends to be a nice little crowd around Her that blocked vision of Her to the people sitting just beyond the next few in line receiving Darshan, but it was fine. The energy of being that close to Her physically is more than words can describe.
The rules were very specific; every individual of the family in line to receive Darshan MUST have a token. If they didn't have a token, they needed to leave the line and get a token from Bhavani and return to the line for Darshan. I was following this as best I could. The people doing line entry and moving people up in the line were not checking to ensure that they ALL had tokens for Darshan so by the time they approached the front of the line, I would discover that they did not have a token and would have to remove them from the line. Also, the local devotees who were doing "Assistant Lap" position would just bring people in from the side lines without tokens. It was very challenging to say the least. I was able to make a good connection with Bhavani Chechi and Geetha Chechi doing this role.
April 3, 2009
Morning Programs (for the most part) were held at the Ashram where we were staying so that was kind of nice. I was working at the Bookstore when all of a sudden I was beckoned to Amma. All of a sudden I felt my heart shrink up and my mind start going at a million miles per second. I had no idea why I was being called to Her. She has never really acknowledged me before other than when I have gone for Darshan and in my dreams and meditations so what could this be about???
I came to Her right side where Geetha Chechi was and she leaned into me and gave me the head's up that someone complained to Amma last night that I had removed them from line because they didn't have a token. It was so kind of Geetha Chechi to inform me what this was about before Amma's Kali wrath came down on me. So...I officially received my first scolding from Amma.
Amma looked over at me and asked me if I had turned people out of the Darshan Line last night for not having a token. I said (coweressly) "yes" as that was the truth. I was told that each person needs to have their own token to receive Darshan.
Amma looked at me with a lot of compassion in Her eyes and shook Her head and said "No...if they come that near to Amma and they don't have a token, let it be, they don't know the process and to turn them away makes them sad and heavy-hearted"
I felt horrible and returned to my post at the Bookstore practically in tears for having done something so inconsiderate. Shortly after that, I was telling Swamini and Amala how I messed up and how I hoped that I would get the opportunity to redeem myself (as I thought for sure I will never be given that opportunity to serve Amma in that capacity again). All of a sudden, Bhavani Chechi swooped through the Bookstore and handed all the Tour Staff Darshan Tokens. Through the mass of shoppers, she readhed and handed me a token and commanded: "go for Darshan"
I thought - what's this? I just got scolded and now I am supposed to go for Darshan? I don't get it. Swamini gave me this really nice Amethyst and Pearl mala (necklace) to place on Amma to later sell as prashad through the bookstore. She knows me too well. Purple being my favourite colour and Amethyst at that, it was the perfect thing for me to take as an offering to Amma after my wrong-doing.
As I approached Amma with a very full heart and welled up eyes, I placed the mala over Amma's head and I said "Shemikkeneme Amme" which means "Forgive me Amma" to which she let out a big belly laugh. She took me into Her bossom for Darshan and again I said it to Her as I separated from Her. She pinched my left cheek and smiled and handed me prashad.
I went back to the bookstore seva and proptly asked Swamini how much that mala would cost - she said she'd let me know.
The evening program was at a gorgeous outdoor venue near the water. There were several yurts set up on these beautiful grounds. It was the kind of place where many weddings would probably be conducted. We were all so hungry and were having a very difficult time sitting through the Satsang and Bhajans without some food, but somehow (barely) we managed.
I worked in the bookstore the entire night. At the end of the night, Swamini gave me a bag of vibhuti (sacred ash) to take up to Amma to have blessed. I went up to Geetha Chechi's side witht he bag open and it was very sweet. Amma took some of the vibhuti and put it on my forehead and then Geetha Chechi said "open your mouth" and Amma popped a piece of chocolate in my mouth.
I immediately moved away as Darshan was still going on, it was just widing down. As Geetha Chechi, Bhavani Chechi and I got on the bus to go back to the Ashram, Geetha Chechi said that Amma asked where I had first come to see Her. Geetha Chechi said it must have been Seattle as he's Canadian. Amma apparently nodded Her head. It seems like I may have made it on the map in Amma's conscience.
The bus ride back was hellish. There were not enough seats for everyone and the aisle was full too. I was sitting at the very back of the bus on the floor in the aisle squashed. It was a 2 hour drive to the Ashram.
April 4, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
The morning program was again held at the Ashram and I worked the bookstore. My God, were my vasanas (negative tendencies) coming up or what. I kept feeling that all the cashiers were slacking. Amala is working really hard to break me of my "perfectionistic" way of being.
The evening program was held in a banquet hall (and this where the next morning program would be held too). I barely started working the bookstore and was whisked off to do token collecting again. I ended up doing it the entire night until the end of Darshan. It was great!
Amma got really upset with the locallers and Premananda Swami as the buses to the Ashram had left and the accomodations at this banquet hall were less than desirable. Amma laughed saying (in English) "buses gone and Prashanta gone too". (Prashanta was the organizer of this entire Tour).
She reamed out the local Swami and made him make arrangements for the women on Tour Staff. Men were stuck with the shitty accomodations.
April 5, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
I was woken up by the sounds of the women arriving in the morning from their various accomodation spots and placing their stuff down in the room that originally started out being the "womens room" in this banquet hall. There were not many men on tour to begin with and most of them fitin the smaller room that was designated the "mens room" but I stayed out in the open space of the (former) women's space. Amala laughed her head off when she saw that I was the only man sleeping in the women's area and thought that that was great! I told her that I don't really get the point. I mean the reason why men are separated from women - I get. But for me, being gay, it doesn't work to put me with the men. The temptation is through the roof. She laughed and agreed with my logic.
I worked part of the day at the bookstore and part of the day as token collector in the hall. I was really glad that my little mistake didn't prevent me from being able to do that role again.
As soon as the morning program was over, we took the bookstore over to the next (and final) hall which was at a Hindu Temple. This was where Devi Bhava was going to be held. It was a nice big hall and we set up the bookstore with quite a bit of anxst from people (on Tour). We kept just saying "we are all tired, so let's just try and breathe and not get on each others nerves too much". I started to feel really sick and was coming down with a cold. I had been sneezing a lot and started to get a scratchy throat. Yay...just in time for Devi Bhava, Mother is turning up the heat a little. As if that were not enough, it started pouring down with rain like I have never seen before in my life. It was like a tornado had hit or something. The roof of the hall was tin and the rain was so fierce that you couldn't even hear the bhajans on the sound system through the clinking of the rain pellets on tin roof. Every so often, Devi would look up to the roof and smile mischieviously! She was wearing a beautiful gold sari and looked just Divine!
We all (Tour Staff) received Darshan that night from Devi which was really sweet. Right after receiving Darshan, I had the opportunity to give prashad to Devi which was so sweet and then I sat just near Devi on the stage for some time. It was nearing the end of Devi Bhava and I came off stage and sat next to the musicians to be able to watch everyone walk around in circles in front of Devi and be showered with flower petals by the Divine Mother Herself.
We landed up waiting a long time before the bus came to collect us and take us to the same banquet hall of the night before (it seemed like a bad dream that just kept repeating itself) for a few hours of sleep before we were taken to the airport for our (earlier than anyone else) flight to Mauritius.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Ahhh...At last - Singapore Clean Air!!!
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
We left the Banglore Ashram in the buses headed for the airport at about 6pm. Our next destination was Singapore!
I still cannot believe the inefficiency and disorganized nature of this entire Kenya Tour. I am finding myself reacting far less than I would under normal circumstances. This shows me that Amma is REALLY working on me on many levels. She is working on Jim through me I am SO sure of that too.
The excitement for this Tour is now brewing. As I boarded the Air India plane, I saw that Amma and Swamini were seated in the very first seats of the plane. Amma gave me the most beautiful smile and started tapping Her head. Now, in retrospect I think I know why. She knew that I was going to say "Mata Rani Ki Jai" softly to Her (which I did) and She said "Shhhh...we are on a plane" and held my hand and kissed it as I walked by.
It kind of feels sereal that I am on the same plane as the Divine Mother. It doesn't really feel or seem any different other than the constant knowing that She is there (which She always is anyhow) and the thought that if this plane goes down, I am PHYSICALLY with the Divine Mother. I am flying high in the clouds; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I guess it is a different flying experience afterall.
In Singapore, I was told that my Tour Staff Seva for the entire Tour would be Bookstore Sales. I was over the moon about that as Swamini and I get along fabulously and this was an opportunity to do what I love best and to deepen the existing relationship that I have with Swamini.
I was stationed at the Prashad Jewellery counter (of course) and sold alot of the Prashad. Swamini said at one point that she was going to turn over the entire bookstore to me!
The Programs were held in the Suntec City Center (Convention Center) right in the heart of the City with shopping opportunities right in the same building!
It was nice to be able to take breaks from my seva duties and go on window shopping extravaganzas.
Prashanta gave an old list to Swamini showing incorrect departure times from Singapore to Mumbai which would mean that we would miss the end of Devi Bhava - man, what a low that put me on.
Some of us were flying to Mumbai from Singapore and then to Mauritius to catch the flight to Reunion Island which is where the next stop is. Apparently, everyone has to fly through Mauritius to get to Reunion Island as it's such a small Island there is are no international flights that fly there.
Amma wore the most gorgeous purple sari for Devi Bhava in Singapore. I think that was specially for me since I had been saying just prior, that I have NEVER seen HER in purple yet.
It turns out that none of us had to miss the end of Devi Bhava as those of us who were unfortunate enough to have to fly through Mumbai and Mauritius to get to Reunion Island did not have to be at the Singapore Airport until later afternoon on the same day as Devi Bhava ended.
I am in for A LOT of travelling on planes on this tour.
We left the Banglore Ashram in the buses headed for the airport at about 6pm. Our next destination was Singapore!
I still cannot believe the inefficiency and disorganized nature of this entire Kenya Tour. I am finding myself reacting far less than I would under normal circumstances. This shows me that Amma is REALLY working on me on many levels. She is working on Jim through me I am SO sure of that too.
The excitement for this Tour is now brewing. As I boarded the Air India plane, I saw that Amma and Swamini were seated in the very first seats of the plane. Amma gave me the most beautiful smile and started tapping Her head. Now, in retrospect I think I know why. She knew that I was going to say "Mata Rani Ki Jai" softly to Her (which I did) and She said "Shhhh...we are on a plane" and held my hand and kissed it as I walked by.
It kind of feels sereal that I am on the same plane as the Divine Mother. It doesn't really feel or seem any different other than the constant knowing that She is there (which She always is anyhow) and the thought that if this plane goes down, I am PHYSICALLY with the Divine Mother. I am flying high in the clouds; physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I guess it is a different flying experience afterall.
In Singapore, I was told that my Tour Staff Seva for the entire Tour would be Bookstore Sales. I was over the moon about that as Swamini and I get along fabulously and this was an opportunity to do what I love best and to deepen the existing relationship that I have with Swamini.
I was stationed at the Prashad Jewellery counter (of course) and sold alot of the Prashad. Swamini said at one point that she was going to turn over the entire bookstore to me!
The Programs were held in the Suntec City Center (Convention Center) right in the heart of the City with shopping opportunities right in the same building!
It was nice to be able to take breaks from my seva duties and go on window shopping extravaganzas.
Prashanta gave an old list to Swamini showing incorrect departure times from Singapore to Mumbai which would mean that we would miss the end of Devi Bhava - man, what a low that put me on.
Some of us were flying to Mumbai from Singapore and then to Mauritius to catch the flight to Reunion Island which is where the next stop is. Apparently, everyone has to fly through Mauritius to get to Reunion Island as it's such a small Island there is are no international flights that fly there.
Amma wore the most gorgeous purple sari for Devi Bhava in Singapore. I think that was specially for me since I had been saying just prior, that I have NEVER seen HER in purple yet.
It turns out that none of us had to miss the end of Devi Bhava as those of us who were unfortunate enough to have to fly through Mumbai and Mauritius to get to Reunion Island did not have to be at the Singapore Airport until later afternoon on the same day as Devi Bhava ended.
I am in for A LOT of travelling on planes on this tour.
Continuing on our way...Banglore here we come!
We left Mysore after breakfast and stopped for lunch at a riverside. Many people went swimming. One guy from South Africa dove in and broke his nose badly and was rushed back to the Mysore Hospital for surgery.
Amma again asked us for stories and/or jokes and then sang one bhajan and served us all food. Very, very sweet...She got into Her camper and drove off as we all followed Her in our buses. We arrived in Banglore at about 4pm. I set myself up in my room and got some chai and ladoo that was being served.
David (my English roommate from Amritapuri) and one other guy and I went into town and did a bit of shopping and guess what we had for dinner?!!? You got it - Pizza Hut! OMG...I have never loved American pizza so much in my life. We got back to the Ashram (school) at about 10pm and went to bed.
The next day (1st of 2 days of programs) I went into town in the morning with Madhu Sri to look for some gem stones and gold necklace. We missed the morning program, but attended the evening one. We had a really good lunch buffet at "Mainland China" this really authentic Chinese food restaurant in the city of Banglore. You have no idea how much I am craving food other than Indian.
After much drama and leelas, I was able to get a really nice and simple gold chain for my emerald to hang from and a white saffire ring and emerald ring both set in silver as per my astrology reading.
I did the Rahu Puja for myself and the Saturn Puja in Banglore for Mom and Dad. Half way thru the Saturn Puja, focussing very strongly on Mom and Dad, I got a clear image of Jan (Jim's aunt) in my head. I told Jim about this and let him know that I would dedicate the next Saturn Puja to Jan. I anticipate more opportunities for that when we return from the Kenya Tour as Amma is doing a short (3 city) tour in Kerala on the way back to the Ashram. These Pujas are only done at the Brahmastanam Temples.
The drama around the Kenya Tour has come to a hault - finally. They still have not confirmed the amount that the price is raised, all that I have been told is that it will not be more than $150.00 USD. Apparently, I cannot be taken off of the list at this point in time as the bookings have already been made and Swami Ji did not want anyone to back out of the trip...so, I guess I will be flying with the rest of them from Banglore to Singapore.
Amma again asked us for stories and/or jokes and then sang one bhajan and served us all food. Very, very sweet...She got into Her camper and drove off as we all followed Her in our buses. We arrived in Banglore at about 4pm. I set myself up in my room and got some chai and ladoo that was being served.
David (my English roommate from Amritapuri) and one other guy and I went into town and did a bit of shopping and guess what we had for dinner?!!? You got it - Pizza Hut! OMG...I have never loved American pizza so much in my life. We got back to the Ashram (school) at about 10pm and went to bed.
The next day (1st of 2 days of programs) I went into town in the morning with Madhu Sri to look for some gem stones and gold necklace. We missed the morning program, but attended the evening one. We had a really good lunch buffet at "Mainland China" this really authentic Chinese food restaurant in the city of Banglore. You have no idea how much I am craving food other than Indian.
After much drama and leelas, I was able to get a really nice and simple gold chain for my emerald to hang from and a white saffire ring and emerald ring both set in silver as per my astrology reading.
I did the Rahu Puja for myself and the Saturn Puja in Banglore for Mom and Dad. Half way thru the Saturn Puja, focussing very strongly on Mom and Dad, I got a clear image of Jan (Jim's aunt) in my head. I told Jim about this and let him know that I would dedicate the next Saturn Puja to Jan. I anticipate more opportunities for that when we return from the Kenya Tour as Amma is doing a short (3 city) tour in Kerala on the way back to the Ashram. These Pujas are only done at the Brahmastanam Temples.
The drama around the Kenya Tour has come to a hault - finally. They still have not confirmed the amount that the price is raised, all that I have been told is that it will not be more than $150.00 USD. Apparently, I cannot be taken off of the list at this point in time as the bookings have already been made and Swami Ji did not want anyone to back out of the trip...so, I guess I will be flying with the rest of them from Banglore to Singapore.
Further to Mysore...
We made our way to Mysore just after lunch and I was still in a lot of pain. We made a chai stop along the way in an open rural area where lots of coconut trees encircled the area that Amma sat in. She gave time for stories and jokes and then asked a few questions:
We arrived in Mysore Ashram by about 10pm and it was a really nice Ashram and school. Stefan (from Austria) helped me with my bag to my room and again I just took it really easy. I did not want to overdo it. Amma was definitely working on some karma for me. It was like I was ushering OUT my Saturn period with one last kick at the can with this knee cap dislocation.
I did both, the Rahu and Saturn Pujas in Mysore for Jimmy.
On the second day, I was asked in the morning just before Amma started giving Darshan to be the first one to give prashad. I said that I couldn't do it as I couldn't sit cross legged as yet due to my kneecap injury. Salma talked me into it and I went back stage to prepare to be the first one to offer Amma prashad. Somehow, by the Grace of Amma, I was able to sit cross legged for the 2 minutes of handing Her the prashad and felt great!
About 5 of us ventured out to the Sai Baba Orphanage in Mysore. We went in the afternoon about 3pm. This was too late to receive any of the Amrit in bottles, but they did give us some in our palms and 2 packages of vibhuti (sacred ash) each.
There has been a lot of drama around the price for the Kenya Tour and I am just letting go entirely now. Jim and I both agreed that if the price goes over $3000.00 USD then it would not be worth it as that money could be better used to come back to Amritapuri Ashram for 3 months over Christmas and New Year's. I am feeling more emotionally detached about the trip and allowing Amma to steer this boat as She does so well.
I have not spent much time around Her at all or engaged in seva much due to my injury. If I am going on the Kenya Tour, then I want to be all rested up and ready to serve on that tour.
- What is the difference between Bhakti and Jnana?
- What is the purpose of Bhakti, Jnana and Seva?
We arrived in Mysore Ashram by about 10pm and it was a really nice Ashram and school. Stefan (from Austria) helped me with my bag to my room and again I just took it really easy. I did not want to overdo it. Amma was definitely working on some karma for me. It was like I was ushering OUT my Saturn period with one last kick at the can with this knee cap dislocation.
I did both, the Rahu and Saturn Pujas in Mysore for Jimmy.
On the second day, I was asked in the morning just before Amma started giving Darshan to be the first one to give prashad. I said that I couldn't do it as I couldn't sit cross legged as yet due to my kneecap injury. Salma talked me into it and I went back stage to prepare to be the first one to offer Amma prashad. Somehow, by the Grace of Amma, I was able to sit cross legged for the 2 minutes of handing Her the prashad and felt great!
About 5 of us ventured out to the Sai Baba Orphanage in Mysore. We went in the afternoon about 3pm. This was too late to receive any of the Amrit in bottles, but they did give us some in our palms and 2 packages of vibhuti (sacred ash) each.
There has been a lot of drama around the price for the Kenya Tour and I am just letting go entirely now. Jim and I both agreed that if the price goes over $3000.00 USD then it would not be worth it as that money could be better used to come back to Amritapuri Ashram for 3 months over Christmas and New Year's. I am feeling more emotionally detached about the trip and allowing Amma to steer this boat as She does so well.
I have not spent much time around Her at all or engaged in seva much due to my injury. If I am going on the Kenya Tour, then I want to be all rested up and ready to serve on that tour.
On our way to Manantavadi, India
March 17, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
We were scheduled to leave the Ashram at 5am but we were delayed until 10am due to the demise of one of the Brahmachari's who had brain cancer. He passed away at 3:45am and there was a funeral service for him just before we left the Ashram.
Finally, we got on the bus and on our way at 10am. The first stop for lunch was at one of the schools just outside of Kochin. Amma was so.....sweet with the children at the school. She sang with the children and then served us food. The food service was so chaotic. Everyone was passing their tiffins forward and the servers would put food it in and then Amma would pass it out, but there was no telling where your tiffin would end up. Some people didn't even have their name on their tiffin.
After eating (and I did NOT get my tiffin back so I ate off of one of the communal plates), I found my tiffin and got back on the bus (I am so glad I went with the comfort bus and baid an additional Rs. 3000.00 for that experience) on our way to Manantavadi - the first stop on this abbreviated quazi North Indian Tour.
There were no more stops along the way. At one point, we started singing bhajans on the bus which was a lot of fun. We arrived at the Program Site (Amrita Vidhyalayam school) at around 10pm.
Amma arrived shortly after all of us and there was a big procession for Her. The locals performed Aarti to Her and She climbed up the stairs to the 1st floor of the school and looked down on all the local devotees who were chanting "Amma Amma Taye". Amma started ripping flower petals off of the garlands that She was adorned with and throwing them down on the local devotees. It was like a mini ending of Devi Bhava - what a high!
We ate the slop that was offered to us and found our way to our rooms. I was being put up in a very primitive hotel about 10 min. walk away with a whole bunch of other "Western" men.
I slept deeply and returned to the Program Hall at about 9am on March 18, 2009 for Amma's first program. I was able to get a very close seat. I was literally under Her nose. The programs here are very different than in the West. I don't know if it's because it's a Brahmastanam Temple or just because it's India. Mother started the morning program with bhajans followed by Satsang (which was not translated) followed by Darshan. This usually went on until about 5pm and then She would return at about 7:30pm and do it all over again.
In between there were 5 Archanas (chanting of the 1000 Names of the Divine Mother) recited daily. This ritual is specific to the Brahmastanam Temple Festivals.
On Wednesday, March 18, 2009, after evening Satsang I was about to begin my face wiping seva when the Prashad table asked me to go up on stage and ask the runners to bring the prashad down as they did not have anything left on their table to sell to people as they went up for Darshan. As I tried to make my way through the crowd on the stage and navigate my way without stepping on anyone (no one would give way), my left knee cap dislocated and I fell to the ground on top of these brahmacharinis. The knee cap popped back into place and I conveyed the message to the runners, hung out on stage for a bit (while I took a lot of flack from the people sitting there saying that this was not a good time to squeeze my way in as there were dance performances going on and the dancers needed the space).
Sometimes, there is a lot of love that surrounds Amma and then other times, there are a lot of people with all their vasanas coming up. I just explained that I couldn't move due to what had happened and continue to sit there. I really hadn't had a lot of time around Amma or on stage so far so I didn't feel badly just sitting there when I needed to and when Amma obviously wanted me to as well.
Eventually, I was able to move and went off stage and sat near the face wiping crew. I was still able to serve in a very small way by rolling toilet paper for the face wipers.
For the most part, I was in my room after that, just resting my knee. Thank God for Maheshwaran who lent me his mat and dhotis for padding and created a bed for me that night in one of the rooms on-site that had space. I asked Jeremy to assist me in bringing all my luggage back from the hotel to the program site.
I did the Saturn Puja for myself on the last evening of this location.
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
We were scheduled to leave the Ashram at 5am but we were delayed until 10am due to the demise of one of the Brahmachari's who had brain cancer. He passed away at 3:45am and there was a funeral service for him just before we left the Ashram.
Finally, we got on the bus and on our way at 10am. The first stop for lunch was at one of the schools just outside of Kochin. Amma was so.....sweet with the children at the school. She sang with the children and then served us food. The food service was so chaotic. Everyone was passing their tiffins forward and the servers would put food it in and then Amma would pass it out, but there was no telling where your tiffin would end up. Some people didn't even have their name on their tiffin.
After eating (and I did NOT get my tiffin back so I ate off of one of the communal plates), I found my tiffin and got back on the bus (I am so glad I went with the comfort bus and baid an additional Rs. 3000.00 for that experience) on our way to Manantavadi - the first stop on this abbreviated quazi North Indian Tour.
There were no more stops along the way. At one point, we started singing bhajans on the bus which was a lot of fun. We arrived at the Program Site (Amrita Vidhyalayam school) at around 10pm.
Amma arrived shortly after all of us and there was a big procession for Her. The locals performed Aarti to Her and She climbed up the stairs to the 1st floor of the school and looked down on all the local devotees who were chanting "Amma Amma Taye". Amma started ripping flower petals off of the garlands that She was adorned with and throwing them down on the local devotees. It was like a mini ending of Devi Bhava - what a high!
We ate the slop that was offered to us and found our way to our rooms. I was being put up in a very primitive hotel about 10 min. walk away with a whole bunch of other "Western" men.
I slept deeply and returned to the Program Hall at about 9am on March 18, 2009 for Amma's first program. I was able to get a very close seat. I was literally under Her nose. The programs here are very different than in the West. I don't know if it's because it's a Brahmastanam Temple or just because it's India. Mother started the morning program with bhajans followed by Satsang (which was not translated) followed by Darshan. This usually went on until about 5pm and then She would return at about 7:30pm and do it all over again.
In between there were 5 Archanas (chanting of the 1000 Names of the Divine Mother) recited daily. This ritual is specific to the Brahmastanam Temple Festivals.
On Wednesday, March 18, 2009, after evening Satsang I was about to begin my face wiping seva when the Prashad table asked me to go up on stage and ask the runners to bring the prashad down as they did not have anything left on their table to sell to people as they went up for Darshan. As I tried to make my way through the crowd on the stage and navigate my way without stepping on anyone (no one would give way), my left knee cap dislocated and I fell to the ground on top of these brahmacharinis. The knee cap popped back into place and I conveyed the message to the runners, hung out on stage for a bit (while I took a lot of flack from the people sitting there saying that this was not a good time to squeeze my way in as there were dance performances going on and the dancers needed the space).
Sometimes, there is a lot of love that surrounds Amma and then other times, there are a lot of people with all their vasanas coming up. I just explained that I couldn't move due to what had happened and continue to sit there. I really hadn't had a lot of time around Amma or on stage so far so I didn't feel badly just sitting there when I needed to and when Amma obviously wanted me to as well.
Eventually, I was able to move and went off stage and sat near the face wiping crew. I was still able to serve in a very small way by rolling toilet paper for the face wipers.
For the most part, I was in my room after that, just resting my knee. Thank God for Maheshwaran who lent me his mat and dhotis for padding and created a bed for me that night in one of the rooms on-site that had space. I asked Jeremy to assist me in bringing all my luggage back from the hotel to the program site.
I did the Saturn Puja for myself on the last evening of this location.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Baggage Fatigue
March 16, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
Today, I have had a very busy day and I am quite fatigued. It feels like I have a lot of 'baggage' that I am sorting through!!!
I mean that in the sense of emotions (which Amma has been working with me over the last few days) and also packing for the abbreviated North India Tour AND the Kenya Tour. They want us to pack two separate bags; one for the North India Tour and then one for the Kenya Tour specifically which will go directly to Banglore (the last stop on the North India Tour). I am not interested in doing that at all. The theory is that the North India bag will be sent back on the buses to the Ashram and we just collect our Kenya Tour bag(s) in Banglore and travel to Singapore with that. Too many unknowns around the bags coming back to the Ashram. Where will they be stored? Will someone else pick mine up by mistake? No...no...I am happy just taking one small duffle bag in which all of my clothes for both North India and Kenya Tours will fit.
I have just finished packing for the Tours and I am feeling extremely fatigued and exhausted. I had my last Malayalam class today for awhile (as the teacher does not come on Tour). Hopefully, I will be able to take a few more classes upon my return to Amritapuri after the Kenya Tour, but if not, then I feel like I have taken a good "kick at the can" and I am starting to read things pretty well now. The dictionary back home and Clara's infinite wisdom in spoken Malayalam will come in real handy now.
I am tired, but I want to get ready for Bhajans this evening as there is talk that Amma WILL be coming out for bhajans tonight.
Interestingly enough, I am not all that excited about going on tour at the moment. This just shows you how fatigued I truly am in the moment.
My roommates have both checked out so upon my return to the Ashram, I have no idea who I will be rooming with. I am going to move some stuff around in the room so that I can get the 'better' spot in the room BEFORE I leave for tour since it's likely that someone (or possibly two other people) will be placed in this room with me while I am still on the Kenya Tour. If my stuff is all set up in the area of the room that I want to be in and the bed has stuff on it, then chances are no one will use that space!
Better get going now so that I can figure out these details and prepare for bhajans!
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
Today, I have had a very busy day and I am quite fatigued. It feels like I have a lot of 'baggage' that I am sorting through!!!
I mean that in the sense of emotions (which Amma has been working with me over the last few days) and also packing for the abbreviated North India Tour AND the Kenya Tour. They want us to pack two separate bags; one for the North India Tour and then one for the Kenya Tour specifically which will go directly to Banglore (the last stop on the North India Tour). I am not interested in doing that at all. The theory is that the North India bag will be sent back on the buses to the Ashram and we just collect our Kenya Tour bag(s) in Banglore and travel to Singapore with that. Too many unknowns around the bags coming back to the Ashram. Where will they be stored? Will someone else pick mine up by mistake? No...no...I am happy just taking one small duffle bag in which all of my clothes for both North India and Kenya Tours will fit.
I have just finished packing for the Tours and I am feeling extremely fatigued and exhausted. I had my last Malayalam class today for awhile (as the teacher does not come on Tour). Hopefully, I will be able to take a few more classes upon my return to Amritapuri after the Kenya Tour, but if not, then I feel like I have taken a good "kick at the can" and I am starting to read things pretty well now. The dictionary back home and Clara's infinite wisdom in spoken Malayalam will come in real handy now.
I am tired, but I want to get ready for Bhajans this evening as there is talk that Amma WILL be coming out for bhajans tonight.
Interestingly enough, I am not all that excited about going on tour at the moment. This just shows you how fatigued I truly am in the moment.
My roommates have both checked out so upon my return to the Ashram, I have no idea who I will be rooming with. I am going to move some stuff around in the room so that I can get the 'better' spot in the room BEFORE I leave for tour since it's likely that someone (or possibly two other people) will be placed in this room with me while I am still on the Kenya Tour. If my stuff is all set up in the area of the room that I want to be in and the bed has stuff on it, then chances are no one will use that space!
Better get going now so that I can figure out these details and prepare for bhajans!
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Mother's Working on me...
March 15, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
Mother has REALLY been working on me, let me tell you...
I have not spent very much time in Her physical presence yesterday while She was giving Darshan in the Main Hall. She was working on me at a distance.
Toward the end of my Malayalam class (1:50pm or so) I was told that the cost for the Kenya Tour had been increased (yet again) by an additional $500.00 USD and this amount was not confirmed as yet either. Some people would have to pay the additional amount and some would not and there was no explanation as to why there was that difference (that some would have to pay the addional and others wouldn't). Well, you can imagine that for my organized and detail-oriented western mind, this response was less than satisfactory. I had no other choice but to sit with this information. I had one of two options. First option (the better of the two), surrender and have faith and trust that if Amma wants me to be on this Tour then it will happen as I have made a significant effort to make it happen (i.e. had the previous "final amount" wired into the Ashram bank account, spent one full day getting the vaccination for Kenya). Second option (the more likely travelled road), sit and stew about it and allow for that energy to completely consume me and my thoughts and my mood. Well, can you guess which of the two options I ended up going with????
This journey to Amritapuri would not be a JOURNEY if Amma was not working on me on some level. I ended up taking the second option and spent a good portion of the day in my room bruting about this situation. Every so often, I would try to meditate and chant my mantra, but very quickly the devilish mind in its infinite ability to lear its ugly head and spread thoughts (which affect the entire body, mind and spirit) like a cancerous tumour was at play. I would catch myself (occasionally) going into that downward spiral and I would recognise it as Amma's Leela (play).
Today, I am feeling much better and in a better place about all of it. I don't know what the total amount is or is not going to be (as this information is unknown to the organizers as well)...so there is no other option other than to just sit back and enjoy the ride of the Divine Mother and Her Infinite Grace.
More on this as time passes...
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
Mother has REALLY been working on me, let me tell you...
I have not spent very much time in Her physical presence yesterday while She was giving Darshan in the Main Hall. She was working on me at a distance.
Toward the end of my Malayalam class (1:50pm or so) I was told that the cost for the Kenya Tour had been increased (yet again) by an additional $500.00 USD and this amount was not confirmed as yet either. Some people would have to pay the additional amount and some would not and there was no explanation as to why there was that difference (that some would have to pay the addional and others wouldn't). Well, you can imagine that for my organized and detail-oriented western mind, this response was less than satisfactory. I had no other choice but to sit with this information. I had one of two options. First option (the better of the two), surrender and have faith and trust that if Amma wants me to be on this Tour then it will happen as I have made a significant effort to make it happen (i.e. had the previous "final amount" wired into the Ashram bank account, spent one full day getting the vaccination for Kenya). Second option (the more likely travelled road), sit and stew about it and allow for that energy to completely consume me and my thoughts and my mood. Well, can you guess which of the two options I ended up going with????
This journey to Amritapuri would not be a JOURNEY if Amma was not working on me on some level. I ended up taking the second option and spent a good portion of the day in my room bruting about this situation. Every so often, I would try to meditate and chant my mantra, but very quickly the devilish mind in its infinite ability to lear its ugly head and spread thoughts (which affect the entire body, mind and spirit) like a cancerous tumour was at play. I would catch myself (occasionally) going into that downward spiral and I would recognise it as Amma's Leela (play).
Today, I am feeling much better and in a better place about all of it. I don't know what the total amount is or is not going to be (as this information is unknown to the organizers as well)...so there is no other option other than to just sit back and enjoy the ride of the Divine Mother and Her Infinite Grace.
More on this as time passes...
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah
Friday, March 13, 2009
Vaccination and Evolution of my Soul's Journey...
March 14, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
I had to get the vaccination for "yellow fever" in order to go on the Kenya Tour as that is a mandatory requirement for Kenya. In order to get this, we all had to pile on a bus and travel 3 hours to Kochin to the World Helath Organization (WHO) building to get jabbed with the vaccine.
This bus ride and standing around waiting for the WHO representatives to igure out their scene was more than I could handle in the moment. My good friend Sarala (who I am taking Malayalam with) was great! She kept saying "this is Amma's way of helping the evolution of our souls" I believe that with all my heart and soul, but it was still not easy to be on a hot sticky bus for 6 hours total in the scorching heat and then waiting around at the office for 2 1/2 hours. In total, it took us close to 12 hours from departure to return in order to get the required vaccination.
I am now vaccinated and eagerly awaiting the start of the Tour. We have an orientation session today to learn about what to bring and what not to bring on tour. I also have my Malayalam class today again. I fear that Celine is not too happy with me as she can see that I just have not had any time to practise at all. Life here on the Ashram, while it is quite laid back, the time seems to fly by and before you know it, it's evening bhajan time.
Last night (March 13, 2009) there was a funeral service for an elderly woman who passed away in the hospital on the Ashram compound. After evening bhajans and dinner, Amma came back down to reign over the funeral. It was really quite powerful and the energy was very different than anything I have ever experienced before. It was slightly sorrowful, but there was no wailing at all (which I am so used to seeing in Indian funerals or any funeral for that matter). There were very few tears shed by anyone. Mother came and sat right in front of the shrouded body and we all chanted the 108 Names of Amma in Her presence (which I have never seen before - that was very amazing to chant those Names right to Her physical form). There were some other sanskrit chants that were recited (specifically for death and funerals) and then Amma led us all in one bhajan "Jai Ambe Jagadambe". After that, She ushered the family members to come forward and pay their last respects to the deceased. Then the family members were instructed by Amma to proceed to the beach side and cremate the body. They should all wash their clothes immediately after returning from the cremation grounds. Amma then retreated to Her room for the night.
I am just in awe of all of the experiences that Amma is exposing me to while here in Her presence. Never in a million years did I anticipate witnessing a funeral service performed at the Feet of Amma. So many people's response to that experience was that they want Amma to perform their funeral service as well.
I should go now and do a bit of studying of my Malayalam so that I can at least look like I did a bit of work in the two days since having class. We had to cancel yesterday's class as we were in Kochin the entire day.
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
I had to get the vaccination for "yellow fever" in order to go on the Kenya Tour as that is a mandatory requirement for Kenya. In order to get this, we all had to pile on a bus and travel 3 hours to Kochin to the World Helath Organization (WHO) building to get jabbed with the vaccine.
This bus ride and standing around waiting for the WHO representatives to igure out their scene was more than I could handle in the moment. My good friend Sarala (who I am taking Malayalam with) was great! She kept saying "this is Amma's way of helping the evolution of our souls" I believe that with all my heart and soul, but it was still not easy to be on a hot sticky bus for 6 hours total in the scorching heat and then waiting around at the office for 2 1/2 hours. In total, it took us close to 12 hours from departure to return in order to get the required vaccination.
I am now vaccinated and eagerly awaiting the start of the Tour. We have an orientation session today to learn about what to bring and what not to bring on tour. I also have my Malayalam class today again. I fear that Celine is not too happy with me as she can see that I just have not had any time to practise at all. Life here on the Ashram, while it is quite laid back, the time seems to fly by and before you know it, it's evening bhajan time.
Last night (March 13, 2009) there was a funeral service for an elderly woman who passed away in the hospital on the Ashram compound. After evening bhajans and dinner, Amma came back down to reign over the funeral. It was really quite powerful and the energy was very different than anything I have ever experienced before. It was slightly sorrowful, but there was no wailing at all (which I am so used to seeing in Indian funerals or any funeral for that matter). There were very few tears shed by anyone. Mother came and sat right in front of the shrouded body and we all chanted the 108 Names of Amma in Her presence (which I have never seen before - that was very amazing to chant those Names right to Her physical form). There were some other sanskrit chants that were recited (specifically for death and funerals) and then Amma led us all in one bhajan "Jai Ambe Jagadambe". After that, She ushered the family members to come forward and pay their last respects to the deceased. Then the family members were instructed by Amma to proceed to the beach side and cremate the body. They should all wash their clothes immediately after returning from the cremation grounds. Amma then retreated to Her room for the night.
I am just in awe of all of the experiences that Amma is exposing me to while here in Her presence. Never in a million years did I anticipate witnessing a funeral service performed at the Feet of Amma. So many people's response to that experience was that they want Amma to perform their funeral service as well.
I should go now and do a bit of studying of my Malayalam so that I can at least look like I did a bit of work in the two days since having class. We had to cancel yesterday's class as we were in Kochin the entire day.
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Lesson in Patience and Trust...
March 11, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
Today my computer seems to be working just fine and it's reading the disk drive again (knock wood). It's really wacky.
So...first thing in the morning, just after my morning seva, I was told that they cannot put the cost of the Kenya Tour through on my US Visa. The alternative that was suggested was to have the monies deposited to my Canadian account and then take it out of the ATM here. This would land up costing an arm and a leg what with two conversions (US to Canadian, Canadian to Indian) and then dealing with the daily limits on the ATMs on both ends (Canada and India) and then the bank fees for multiple withdrawls (since this amount would not be able to be withdrawn all in one shot. That was just the first of two whammies. The second whammy was that the cost of the Kenya Tour has gone up to $2850 USD. Someone (in the organizing group) went up to Amma last night and told Her how much they have been quoting people. She said that they are not charging enough as they are not considering the diesel fuel for the buses to shuttle people to and from the Program site and airports.
I became really upset in the moment, but the upset subsided pretty quickly (quicker than normal) and I just became depressed. Like a child who had just had his lollipop taken away from him.
I spoke with Jim on the phone about these two whammies. I thought for sure he would say "no, we can't afford it to begin with let alone if the price is creeping up". Instead, his response was "well another $250 USD is really not that much...we just have to figure out how to get the money to you in the quickest and cheapest way"
After much discussion, I requested that he contact his US bank in the morning to find out what info is required in order to process a direct wire of money into the Ashram bank account and on my end, I would inquire with Swamini if that was an option or not.
To my great good fortune, Swamini said that this would be fine and she got me all of the banking information that was required on the US side to make this happen.
So after a lot of heartache and depression today, it seems as though Amma really wants me to be on the Tour. I spoke with my parents today as well and Mom is willing to wire me that money right away and then get reimbursed by Jim (as it will take him a few days to get the money as well). My God...the way that Amma works Her abundance in the world is just amazing to me.
It also looks like my parents are going to come down to Seattle this year to the Amma Retreat and have that experience. I guess it's time for them to receive Darshan as well and Amma is finally calling them into Her realm and court for Darshan. How exciting is that?!?!
I have to keep reminding myself that ALL is Amma's Will and just have patience and trust that Her Will is the only thing that prevails in the Universe. Apparently, I am still learning that. I go in and out of bouts of believing that whole-heartedly and then have some skepticism or doubt. She keeps on showing me and showing me like the energizer bunny who keeps going and going and going, Amma keeps showing and showing and showing...
Today was Holi (the festival of colours in Indian traditions) which I did not know. The Indian festivals follow the moon calendar so it changes every year. After receiving Darshan today (at about 7pm), I sat in the Kali Temple and gazed upon the crowd surrounding Amma receiving Darshan. She began offering Darshan at 11am and went on until 8:30pm. At this time, She was handed a tray of many different coloured powders and She began playing holi with the devotees surounding Her. She then took hold of a microphone and started singing a Punjabi bhajan (hot off the press). This bhajan moved me to tears and I was sitting watching Her on the (live feed) big screen TV. She was so joyful and dancing on Her throne as She sang the bhajan and continued playing holi with everyone. She then sung a Krishna bhajan that speaks to the festival of Holi. Everyone from the grounds of the Ashram came running into the Temple space to watch Amma in action. After having sat for 9.5 hours receiving people of all races, creeds, colours, origins, smells, appearances, She seemed untouched and with the energy of a child on sugar, played and sang in ecstacy!
This entire witnessing made me cry my eyes out and wonder why me? What did I do to deserve this kind of blessing in my life? Is this really happening or am I having the most amazing dream that just seems to go on and on for weeks on end?
I am still learning patience and trust in Amma to know that this is ALL Her doing and it's ALL happening just exactly as it is meant to by Her Grace.
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
Today my computer seems to be working just fine and it's reading the disk drive again (knock wood). It's really wacky.
So...first thing in the morning, just after my morning seva, I was told that they cannot put the cost of the Kenya Tour through on my US Visa. The alternative that was suggested was to have the monies deposited to my Canadian account and then take it out of the ATM here. This would land up costing an arm and a leg what with two conversions (US to Canadian, Canadian to Indian) and then dealing with the daily limits on the ATMs on both ends (Canada and India) and then the bank fees for multiple withdrawls (since this amount would not be able to be withdrawn all in one shot. That was just the first of two whammies. The second whammy was that the cost of the Kenya Tour has gone up to $2850 USD. Someone (in the organizing group) went up to Amma last night and told Her how much they have been quoting people. She said that they are not charging enough as they are not considering the diesel fuel for the buses to shuttle people to and from the Program site and airports.
I became really upset in the moment, but the upset subsided pretty quickly (quicker than normal) and I just became depressed. Like a child who had just had his lollipop taken away from him.
I spoke with Jim on the phone about these two whammies. I thought for sure he would say "no, we can't afford it to begin with let alone if the price is creeping up". Instead, his response was "well another $250 USD is really not that much...we just have to figure out how to get the money to you in the quickest and cheapest way"
After much discussion, I requested that he contact his US bank in the morning to find out what info is required in order to process a direct wire of money into the Ashram bank account and on my end, I would inquire with Swamini if that was an option or not.
To my great good fortune, Swamini said that this would be fine and she got me all of the banking information that was required on the US side to make this happen.
So after a lot of heartache and depression today, it seems as though Amma really wants me to be on the Tour. I spoke with my parents today as well and Mom is willing to wire me that money right away and then get reimbursed by Jim (as it will take him a few days to get the money as well). My God...the way that Amma works Her abundance in the world is just amazing to me.
It also looks like my parents are going to come down to Seattle this year to the Amma Retreat and have that experience. I guess it's time for them to receive Darshan as well and Amma is finally calling them into Her realm and court for Darshan. How exciting is that?!?!
I have to keep reminding myself that ALL is Amma's Will and just have patience and trust that Her Will is the only thing that prevails in the Universe. Apparently, I am still learning that. I go in and out of bouts of believing that whole-heartedly and then have some skepticism or doubt. She keeps on showing me and showing me like the energizer bunny who keeps going and going and going, Amma keeps showing and showing and showing...
Today was Holi (the festival of colours in Indian traditions) which I did not know. The Indian festivals follow the moon calendar so it changes every year. After receiving Darshan today (at about 7pm), I sat in the Kali Temple and gazed upon the crowd surrounding Amma receiving Darshan. She began offering Darshan at 11am and went on until 8:30pm. At this time, She was handed a tray of many different coloured powders and She began playing holi with the devotees surounding Her. She then took hold of a microphone and started singing a Punjabi bhajan (hot off the press). This bhajan moved me to tears and I was sitting watching Her on the (live feed) big screen TV. She was so joyful and dancing on Her throne as She sang the bhajan and continued playing holi with everyone. She then sung a Krishna bhajan that speaks to the festival of Holi. Everyone from the grounds of the Ashram came running into the Temple space to watch Amma in action. After having sat for 9.5 hours receiving people of all races, creeds, colours, origins, smells, appearances, She seemed untouched and with the energy of a child on sugar, played and sang in ecstacy!
This entire witnessing made me cry my eyes out and wonder why me? What did I do to deserve this kind of blessing in my life? Is this really happening or am I having the most amazing dream that just seems to go on and on for weeks on end?
I am still learning patience and trust in Amma to know that this is ALL Her doing and it's ALL happening just exactly as it is meant to by Her Grace.
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Travel Plans Underway
March 10, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
Yesterday, I had a lot of difficulties with my computer and was not able to get on-line very much not to mention that my disc drive seems to be failing. It's not reading any discs that I put in it at all.
This was a very frustrating experience to go through. I think Amma might have been trying to get a message through to me to not be on the computer and rather connect with more people, which is exactly what I did.
There are some really sweet ladies (Sri Vidhya and Vinaya) from Pennsylvania that I have met and spent a lot of time with over the last two days. I found out from them, that the dates for Amma's Kenya Tour (Singapore, Reunion Islands, Mauratius and Kenya) have been posted and that the cost to do that entire tour is only $2600 USD. This includes, airfare, accomodations and food. OMG....I got on the phone with Jim and shared this information with him to see if I could go on that tour as well.
I have had a sense about Amma not touring a whole lot in the near future due to Her physical body and the difficulites that these kinds of travels impose on Her physical body. Some of this has been comfirmed through astrologers, so I conveyed this to Jim and allowed him to mull it over. Imagine, ME, allowing Jim to mull it over...I think I am learning patience and trust and faith and surrender to Amma. In the past, I have always been on Jim to "shit or get off the pot" when it comes to decision making.
Anyhow...I went to bhajans last night (March 9, 2009) in the Main Hall and Amma came out and sang many Krishna bhajans. I had a very emotional time of it. I had already planted the seed with Jim just before going to bhajans. I think I was having an emotional time at bhajans because I was realizing just how blessed I am. At times, I would go into this space of disbelief that I am even here in Amritapuri and attending Satsang EVERY night. It's kind of unbelievable.
After bhajans, I sat with the ladies again over dinner and chatted more. They are really sweet and I hope that we will stay in touch with one another.
I went to bed after speaking with Jim once more. I had forgotten to tell him that the Astrologers are all saying NOT to pull out any monies that are invested in the stockmarkets for at least the next 2-3 years as it's meant to start rising. I thought that this was important information for him to have since I know how anal and anxiety ridden he gets when it comes to money.
March 10, 2009, I went to my breakfast seva and then to the Q&A Session with Amma. At the end of the session, I stood up right away as my knees started to cease. I was sitting very close to Amma in the Kali Temple for the Satsang. She immediately looked up at me as I stood up and had my hands clasped at my heart center gazing upon Her. She looked up at me and locked eyes with me and gave me the most beautiful half smile.
After receiving my prashad lunch from Amma, I retreated to my room as I needed some down time and time away from the crowds. I brought my lunch back to my room and ate while I checked email. Jim had tried calling me on my cell phone (which was on silent) during the Satsang and sent me an email as well. In his email he stated:
"I have thought about your wanting to follow Amma to Singapore and beyond. It seems like a pretty amazing opportunity. I want you to have that experience, so let's make it happen."
When I looked at the time stamp on his email, it corresponded with the exact time that Amma locked eyes with me and gave me that gorgeous half smile. She knew that I was being given the financial permission to do this tour as well by my loving husband!
Needless to say, I have been on cloud nine ever since.
Amma is currently giving Darshan in the Kali Temple to those who are leaving today or for those who are really, really sad.
I am contemplating whether to go to bhajans tonight or not. It will depend on whether Amma is going to come out for bhajans or not. My feeling is that She will not come out as She is still (it's 6pm here) giving Darshan and bhajans start in a half hour.
There has just been so much energy around me over the last 24 hours and I am feeling really full right now.
My name has been placed on the list as a priority for the Kenya Tour (according to Swamini) and my passport and visa information has been given to the co-ordinator who has already sent it off to arrange the necessary visas for the countries that we will be visiting.
OMG....pinch me...pinch me now....I feel as though I am dreaming!!!
I have so much to be greatful for, but the idea of doing a lot of seva on stage near Amma on these Tours really excites me. Apparently, there are not a lot of people who go on this tour to Singapore and beyond. So those of us that do, will get a lot of opportunities to do some really amazing sevas. Minimally, I will be doing a lot of face wiping seva near Amma which is a very sweet and profound seva to engage in.
I won't be on-line for about a month once I leave for the North India Tour. That Tour ends in Banglore (after 10 days) and those of us travelling on will board planes in Banglore headed for Singapore etc. We will return to Amritapuri after Kenya. My understanding is that these 4 cities (Singapore, Reunion Islands, Mauratius and Kenya) will take 2 weeks to complete.
Stay tuned for more interesting experiences and information as I am able to post, I most definitely will!
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
Yesterday, I had a lot of difficulties with my computer and was not able to get on-line very much not to mention that my disc drive seems to be failing. It's not reading any discs that I put in it at all.
This was a very frustrating experience to go through. I think Amma might have been trying to get a message through to me to not be on the computer and rather connect with more people, which is exactly what I did.
There are some really sweet ladies (Sri Vidhya and Vinaya) from Pennsylvania that I have met and spent a lot of time with over the last two days. I found out from them, that the dates for Amma's Kenya Tour (Singapore, Reunion Islands, Mauratius and Kenya) have been posted and that the cost to do that entire tour is only $2600 USD. This includes, airfare, accomodations and food. OMG....I got on the phone with Jim and shared this information with him to see if I could go on that tour as well.
I have had a sense about Amma not touring a whole lot in the near future due to Her physical body and the difficulites that these kinds of travels impose on Her physical body. Some of this has been comfirmed through astrologers, so I conveyed this to Jim and allowed him to mull it over. Imagine, ME, allowing Jim to mull it over...I think I am learning patience and trust and faith and surrender to Amma. In the past, I have always been on Jim to "shit or get off the pot" when it comes to decision making.
Anyhow...I went to bhajans last night (March 9, 2009) in the Main Hall and Amma came out and sang many Krishna bhajans. I had a very emotional time of it. I had already planted the seed with Jim just before going to bhajans. I think I was having an emotional time at bhajans because I was realizing just how blessed I am. At times, I would go into this space of disbelief that I am even here in Amritapuri and attending Satsang EVERY night. It's kind of unbelievable.
After bhajans, I sat with the ladies again over dinner and chatted more. They are really sweet and I hope that we will stay in touch with one another.
I went to bed after speaking with Jim once more. I had forgotten to tell him that the Astrologers are all saying NOT to pull out any monies that are invested in the stockmarkets for at least the next 2-3 years as it's meant to start rising. I thought that this was important information for him to have since I know how anal and anxiety ridden he gets when it comes to money.
March 10, 2009, I went to my breakfast seva and then to the Q&A Session with Amma. At the end of the session, I stood up right away as my knees started to cease. I was sitting very close to Amma in the Kali Temple for the Satsang. She immediately looked up at me as I stood up and had my hands clasped at my heart center gazing upon Her. She looked up at me and locked eyes with me and gave me the most beautiful half smile.
After receiving my prashad lunch from Amma, I retreated to my room as I needed some down time and time away from the crowds. I brought my lunch back to my room and ate while I checked email. Jim had tried calling me on my cell phone (which was on silent) during the Satsang and sent me an email as well. In his email he stated:
"I have thought about your wanting to follow Amma to Singapore and beyond. It seems like a pretty amazing opportunity. I want you to have that experience, so let's make it happen."
When I looked at the time stamp on his email, it corresponded with the exact time that Amma locked eyes with me and gave me that gorgeous half smile. She knew that I was being given the financial permission to do this tour as well by my loving husband!
Needless to say, I have been on cloud nine ever since.
Amma is currently giving Darshan in the Kali Temple to those who are leaving today or for those who are really, really sad.
I am contemplating whether to go to bhajans tonight or not. It will depend on whether Amma is going to come out for bhajans or not. My feeling is that She will not come out as She is still (it's 6pm here) giving Darshan and bhajans start in a half hour.
There has just been so much energy around me over the last 24 hours and I am feeling really full right now.
My name has been placed on the list as a priority for the Kenya Tour (according to Swamini) and my passport and visa information has been given to the co-ordinator who has already sent it off to arrange the necessary visas for the countries that we will be visiting.
OMG....pinch me...pinch me now....I feel as though I am dreaming!!!
I have so much to be greatful for, but the idea of doing a lot of seva on stage near Amma on these Tours really excites me. Apparently, there are not a lot of people who go on this tour to Singapore and beyond. So those of us that do, will get a lot of opportunities to do some really amazing sevas. Minimally, I will be doing a lot of face wiping seva near Amma which is a very sweet and profound seva to engage in.
I won't be on-line for about a month once I leave for the North India Tour. That Tour ends in Banglore (after 10 days) and those of us travelling on will board planes in Banglore headed for Singapore etc. We will return to Amritapuri after Kenya. My understanding is that these 4 cities (Singapore, Reunion Islands, Mauratius and Kenya) will take 2 weeks to complete.
Stay tuned for more interesting experiences and information as I am able to post, I most definitely will!
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Abundant Grace
March 7, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
So...after my breakfast seva, I was making my way to the ECO Store to get some natural bug repellant (as recommended by many for the tours). I am trying to get myself ready with the necessary things for the Tour.
On my way back to my room, Gireesh Swami (head priest in the Kalari) saw me and hailed me down stating that I should come now (11:30am) to the other side of the backwaters and he will arrange a car for me to travel to the Program in.
I asked why so early if the Program isn't until 6pm. He said that we will travel with Amma and She will go to an ashram first in Thiruvalla before the Program.
I quickly went to my room and collected the few things that I needed and proceeded to the other side of the bridge, only to be ushered to the veranda of Amma's sister's home. This is where Amma's Mother and sisters live. I was able to get some pictures with Amma's sisters (who were very sweet and served us prashad upon arriving at their home).
I then sat in the front seat of a nicely air conditioned vehicle with 4 Swamis from the Kalari in the back seat. There was a sticker on the front windshield which said "VIP Gate - I" and "VIP Parking - I".
I didn't expect to travel in Amma's caravan to the Program but apparently She wanted me to.
The driver "Bala" put on a CD and the very first bhajan on the CD was "Jai Jai Satguru Maharani" (which is the bhajan that I would really like to learn while I am here so that we can offer it to Amma in Seattle). The second bhajan was "Govinda Gopala Hari Hari".
Well, if there was any doubts in mind (which there were many) that they had made a mistake and that I should not bein this car, I now knew that I was in the right car as these bhajans just sealed the deal for me!
"Sundar Hai Nayana Tere" was the next bhajan on the CD. It's a Hindi bhajan that both Jim and I really love a lot. Jim was brought into my consciousness almost immediately after this bhajan starting playingon the CD player.
Amma came over the Amrita Setu (bridge) shortly thereafter with droves and droves of people following Her.
The car immediately in front of the car that I was in had the senior Swamis in it. We made our way quite briskly to Thiruvalla where Amma went into this little house and rested in there, while we all sat under an outdoor hut under fans and rested up for the evening as we knew it was going to be a long one.
We left the "Thiruvalla Ashram" just after 6pm and arrived at the Stadium where the Program was being held. It was packed with Indians. There must have been at least 100,000 people there if not more. My claustrophobia was feeling quite active and I just had to sit for a bit and meditate on Amma's Divine Face and remember why I was here and what my seva was for the night.
I was on face wiping seva. I had to wipe the faces of all the men who were approaching Amma for Darshan as it was very hot and dirty. The stadium was out in the open with dirt grounds below us so everyone's face was filthy and it was my job to ensure that the men's faces were as clean of this as possible as they receive their Darshan.
It's really an amazing seva to do. To witness people's energy as they are in a completely vulnerable state going up to the Divine Mother for Darshan is a very sweet blessing. In the east, it's considered an act of great kindness and humility to wipe someone's face as they approach the Divine Mother. It would be the equivalent of washing people's feet as they enter a temple. It's a very priviledged and rewarding seva to offer.
Many men thanked me with a lot of Love in their hearts for having served them in that capacity. Little children with such glee and twinkles in their eyes would approach and greet me with the resounding "Aum Namah Shivaya" with beaming smiles on their faces. This was al enough to bring tears to my eyes.
Mother arranged ALL of this for me with complete ease and no hurdles to jump through at all. Seeing each of these people whether they were poor, rich, healthy, ill, disabled, timid, powerful, shy...it was like I was seeing Amma in front of me each time. While I was fairly close to Mother on the ramp leading up to Her peetham (platform), She was crowed with people and there was really no seeing Her through all those people and sevites. For me, the next best thing (which may even be better - I know Amma would say so) was to see Amma with each expectant face that passed me on the ramp. What a huge blessing - my heart is beginning to open wider and wider as I continue on this journey at the Lotus Feet of Amma.
Sarala, who is a woman taking Malayalam classes with me (she started ust before me), is the Supervisor of the face wiping seva. She was pleased with my ability to do the job at the Program in Thiruvalla and has requested that I do it again on the abbreviated North India tour. My response, of course, was that it would be my great good fortune, honour and priviledge to serve in that capacity again.
I am noticing that the sevas that Amma has me doing (both cashiering at the Ashram Western Canteen and Face Wiping on tour) puts me in touch physically with the public alot. She is having me look into the faces and eyes of all of these glorious beings who are all extensions of Her. So...in essence, I am having so many Darshans on a daily basis. I may not be in Mother's embrace as often as some would think I should be while here at the Ashram, but the Darshans of the beings that come to Amma is quite spectacular and Mother's Abundant Grace!
The Program went on until about 7am (but I left at about 4am as my driver was leaving). Amma rested for some time and then made 5 house visits before returning to the Ashram.
I returned to the Ashram by 5am and went straight to bed as I needed to sleep. I slept so deeply and peacefully like a still pond with lotus flowers resting on top.
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
So...after my breakfast seva, I was making my way to the ECO Store to get some natural bug repellant (as recommended by many for the tours). I am trying to get myself ready with the necessary things for the Tour.
On my way back to my room, Gireesh Swami (head priest in the Kalari) saw me and hailed me down stating that I should come now (11:30am) to the other side of the backwaters and he will arrange a car for me to travel to the Program in.
I asked why so early if the Program isn't until 6pm. He said that we will travel with Amma and She will go to an ashram first in Thiruvalla before the Program.
I quickly went to my room and collected the few things that I needed and proceeded to the other side of the bridge, only to be ushered to the veranda of Amma's sister's home. This is where Amma's Mother and sisters live. I was able to get some pictures with Amma's sisters (who were very sweet and served us prashad upon arriving at their home).
I then sat in the front seat of a nicely air conditioned vehicle with 4 Swamis from the Kalari in the back seat. There was a sticker on the front windshield which said "VIP Gate - I" and "VIP Parking - I".
I didn't expect to travel in Amma's caravan to the Program but apparently She wanted me to.
The driver "Bala" put on a CD and the very first bhajan on the CD was "Jai Jai Satguru Maharani" (which is the bhajan that I would really like to learn while I am here so that we can offer it to Amma in Seattle). The second bhajan was "Govinda Gopala Hari Hari".
Well, if there was any doubts in mind (which there were many) that they had made a mistake and that I should not bein this car, I now knew that I was in the right car as these bhajans just sealed the deal for me!
"Sundar Hai Nayana Tere" was the next bhajan on the CD. It's a Hindi bhajan that both Jim and I really love a lot. Jim was brought into my consciousness almost immediately after this bhajan starting playingon the CD player.
Amma came over the Amrita Setu (bridge) shortly thereafter with droves and droves of people following Her.
The car immediately in front of the car that I was in had the senior Swamis in it. We made our way quite briskly to Thiruvalla where Amma went into this little house and rested in there, while we all sat under an outdoor hut under fans and rested up for the evening as we knew it was going to be a long one.
We left the "Thiruvalla Ashram" just after 6pm and arrived at the Stadium where the Program was being held. It was packed with Indians. There must have been at least 100,000 people there if not more. My claustrophobia was feeling quite active and I just had to sit for a bit and meditate on Amma's Divine Face and remember why I was here and what my seva was for the night.
I was on face wiping seva. I had to wipe the faces of all the men who were approaching Amma for Darshan as it was very hot and dirty. The stadium was out in the open with dirt grounds below us so everyone's face was filthy and it was my job to ensure that the men's faces were as clean of this as possible as they receive their Darshan.
It's really an amazing seva to do. To witness people's energy as they are in a completely vulnerable state going up to the Divine Mother for Darshan is a very sweet blessing. In the east, it's considered an act of great kindness and humility to wipe someone's face as they approach the Divine Mother. It would be the equivalent of washing people's feet as they enter a temple. It's a very priviledged and rewarding seva to offer.
Many men thanked me with a lot of Love in their hearts for having served them in that capacity. Little children with such glee and twinkles in their eyes would approach and greet me with the resounding "Aum Namah Shivaya" with beaming smiles on their faces. This was al enough to bring tears to my eyes.
Mother arranged ALL of this for me with complete ease and no hurdles to jump through at all. Seeing each of these people whether they were poor, rich, healthy, ill, disabled, timid, powerful, shy...it was like I was seeing Amma in front of me each time. While I was fairly close to Mother on the ramp leading up to Her peetham (platform), She was crowed with people and there was really no seeing Her through all those people and sevites. For me, the next best thing (which may even be better - I know Amma would say so) was to see Amma with each expectant face that passed me on the ramp. What a huge blessing - my heart is beginning to open wider and wider as I continue on this journey at the Lotus Feet of Amma.
Sarala, who is a woman taking Malayalam classes with me (she started ust before me), is the Supervisor of the face wiping seva. She was pleased with my ability to do the job at the Program in Thiruvalla and has requested that I do it again on the abbreviated North India tour. My response, of course, was that it would be my great good fortune, honour and priviledge to serve in that capacity again.
I am noticing that the sevas that Amma has me doing (both cashiering at the Ashram Western Canteen and Face Wiping on tour) puts me in touch physically with the public alot. She is having me look into the faces and eyes of all of these glorious beings who are all extensions of Her. So...in essence, I am having so many Darshans on a daily basis. I may not be in Mother's embrace as often as some would think I should be while here at the Ashram, but the Darshans of the beings that come to Amma is quite spectacular and Mother's Abundant Grace!
The Program went on until about 7am (but I left at about 4am as my driver was leaving). Amma rested for some time and then made 5 house visits before returning to the Ashram.
I returned to the Ashram by 5am and went straight to bed as I needed to sleep. I slept so deeply and peacefully like a still pond with lotus flowers resting on top.
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
Friday, March 6, 2009
Excitement is brewing!!!
March 6, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
So...tomorrow there is a short (one program) tour to Thiruvalla, Kerala.
Then...hot off the press...the dates just got posted on the amritapuri.org website so it's official:
March 18-19 ~ Mananthavady, Kerala
March 21-22 ~ Mysore, Karnataka
March 24-25 ~ Banglore, Karnataka
Amma will be leaving from Banglore direct to Singapore, Reunion Islands and Kenya. This will mean that I will come back to the Ashram for some time and then probably check out Kovallum and Varkala (beach resorts) close to the Ashram since I have never been here before and would like to experience more of South India while I am here.
I may even make a trip up to Hazoor Sahib ( the place where Guru Gobind Singh [10th living Guru of the Sikhs] dropped his physical body and named the Siri Guru Granth Sahib [Sikh Scriptures] as the ever-living Guru). I have never been there before but have heard many a wonderful things about it! It is located in the city of Nanded in the state of Maharastra. I haven't decided entirely about this visit but I am fine with that. The answer will come when the time is right.
In the meantime, I wish to focus on my travels with Amma and that experience as that is the main reason and goal of this trip!
More to follow...
Aum Namah Shivaya!
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,
So...tomorrow there is a short (one program) tour to Thiruvalla, Kerala.
Then...hot off the press...the dates just got posted on the amritapuri.org website so it's official:
March 18-19 ~ Mananthavady, Kerala
March 21-22 ~ Mysore, Karnataka
March 24-25 ~ Banglore, Karnataka
Amma will be leaving from Banglore direct to Singapore, Reunion Islands and Kenya. This will mean that I will come back to the Ashram for some time and then probably check out Kovallum and Varkala (beach resorts) close to the Ashram since I have never been here before and would like to experience more of South India while I am here.
I may even make a trip up to Hazoor Sahib ( the place where Guru Gobind Singh [10th living Guru of the Sikhs] dropped his physical body and named the Siri Guru Granth Sahib [Sikh Scriptures] as the ever-living Guru). I have never been there before but have heard many a wonderful things about it! It is located in the city of Nanded in the state of Maharastra. I haven't decided entirely about this visit but I am fine with that. The answer will come when the time is right.
In the meantime, I wish to focus on my travels with Amma and that experience as that is the main reason and goal of this trip!
More to follow...
Aum Namah Shivaya!
Learning and Judgement and Happiness...
March 6, 2009
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
I feel really good today! It has been a relaxing day as Mother doesn't do any Darshan programs or anything today (Friday). She will be coming out soon (6:30pm) for Bhajans (devotional hymns). That is always something to look forward to. Watching Amma in Divine Ecstacy is so powerful in its own right.
I had my Malayalam class today and that felt really good. It seems that I am now starting to recognize letters without constantly referring to my book for the sound that is associated with the character. I am sounding words out on my own and then Celine tells me what the meaning of the word is. Slowly but surely my vocabulary will be increased. It's a little bit of a tough language to follow. I am so glad that I have Punjabi behind me though. I am often writing things in Punjabi script as well so that I can get the pronounciation proper.
I took my vedic astrology chart to Gitamba for a follow-up session as several things that Mohan told me didn't seem quite correct. It became really clear to me very quickly, that Mohan was in a place of judgement as he picked up that I am gay. Typical of an Indian insecure male. Ultimately, what Gitamba said was the same as what Mohan said (the root of it all), it's just the WAY in which it was said was completely different today from Gitamba and it was really great! The information has actually sunk in. I was explaining to someone afterwards, that I felt that the root seed was the same, but the colour, fragrance and look of the flower was quite different.
I am excited to be going to Thiruvalla tomorrow with Amma for a one-day program. That should be interesting. The buses leave at 2pm tomorrow from the Ashram and the Program is about 45 mins. away (apparently). I shall write more after that experience.
Aum Namah Shivaya...
Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...
I feel really good today! It has been a relaxing day as Mother doesn't do any Darshan programs or anything today (Friday). She will be coming out soon (6:30pm) for Bhajans (devotional hymns). That is always something to look forward to. Watching Amma in Divine Ecstacy is so powerful in its own right.
I had my Malayalam class today and that felt really good. It seems that I am now starting to recognize letters without constantly referring to my book for the sound that is associated with the character. I am sounding words out on my own and then Celine tells me what the meaning of the word is. Slowly but surely my vocabulary will be increased. It's a little bit of a tough language to follow. I am so glad that I have Punjabi behind me though. I am often writing things in Punjabi script as well so that I can get the pronounciation proper.
I took my vedic astrology chart to Gitamba for a follow-up session as several things that Mohan told me didn't seem quite correct. It became really clear to me very quickly, that Mohan was in a place of judgement as he picked up that I am gay. Typical of an Indian insecure male. Ultimately, what Gitamba said was the same as what Mohan said (the root of it all), it's just the WAY in which it was said was completely different today from Gitamba and it was really great! The information has actually sunk in. I was explaining to someone afterwards, that I felt that the root seed was the same, but the colour, fragrance and look of the flower was quite different.
I am excited to be going to Thiruvalla tomorrow with Amma for a one-day program. That should be interesting. The buses leave at 2pm tomorrow from the Ashram and the Program is about 45 mins. away (apparently). I shall write more after that experience.
Aum Namah Shivaya...
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