Mother's Working on me...

March 15, 2009

Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...

Mother has REALLY been working on me, let me tell you...

I have not spent very much time in Her physical presence yesterday while She was giving Darshan in the Main Hall. She was working on me at a distance.

Toward the end of my Malayalam class (1:50pm or so) I was told that the cost for the Kenya Tour had been increased (yet again) by an additional $500.00 USD and this amount was not confirmed as yet either. Some people would have to pay the additional amount and some would not and there was no explanation as to why there was that difference (that some would have to pay the addional and others wouldn't). Well, you can imagine that for my organized and detail-oriented western mind, this response was less than satisfactory. I had no other choice but to sit with this information. I had one of two options. First option (the better of the two), surrender and have faith and trust that if Amma wants me to be on this Tour then it will happen as I have made a significant effort to make it happen (i.e. had the previous "final amount" wired into the Ashram bank account, spent one full day getting the vaccination for Kenya). Second option (the more likely travelled road), sit and stew about it and allow for that energy to completely consume me and my thoughts and my mood. Well, can you guess which of the two options I ended up going with????

This journey to Amritapuri would not be a JOURNEY if Amma was not working on me on some level. I ended up taking the second option and spent a good portion of the day in my room bruting about this situation. Every so often, I would try to meditate and chant my mantra, but very quickly the devilish mind in its infinite ability to lear its ugly head and spread thoughts (which affect the entire body, mind and spirit) like a cancerous tumour was at play. I would catch myself (occasionally) going into that downward spiral and I would recognise it as Amma's Leela (play).

Today, I am feeling much better and in a better place about all of it. I don't know what the total amount is or is not going to be (as this information is unknown to the organizers as well)...so there is no other option other than to just sit back and enjoy the ride of the Divine Mother and Her Infinite Grace.

More on this as time passes...

Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah