Making Progress...

March 4, 2009.

Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah,

Last night's Kali/Karthika Puja was REALLY powerful. I had a front and center seat in the Kalari to witness the Puja and take lots of pictures. I was directly in front of the door to the inner-Kalari which was open and there was a very beautiful Amma doll dressed in a royal purple sari (my favourite colour if some of you didn't know that already). I sat there while Amma was singing bhajans in the main hall as I didn't feel like being in the big hustle and bustle of the main hall crowds after the bhajans. The Puja was to begin at 8pm and usually that's when they start Aarti to Amma so I also didn't want to leave at that point. I could hear Amma singing Her heart out from the Kalari anyhow so it felt like being right there in the hall with Her. The last bhajan that She sang which was very high energy was Jago Ma Kali Jago Jago. This means "Rise Up Mother Kali, Rise Up" That was a very powerful beginning to an amazing puja which included the chanting of Amma's 108 Names followed by the full Archana (1,000 Names of the Divine Mother). There were a few bhajans as well. I was quite high by the end of it and just retreated directly to my room for the night.

I am finally feeling like I am making a bit of progress with my Malayalam classes. I did in fact study and re-wrote all of the alphabet (consonants, double consonants and vowels) as well as a good portion of the words that I have learned so far. I am writing them out in Malayalam and then in Punjabi script (as I know the proper way to pronounce them that way) as well as English transliteration (as best as possible) and their definitions. Slowly but surely this vocabulary will start to sink in the more that I write them out.

I have a Darshan token for today, but quite a late one which is completely fine by me. I have also asked Nath (a westerner who sings with the Western Group) if I could sing one bhajan for Amma sometime. He said that there are a lot of people in their group who wish to sing for Her, but if I come tonight at about 5:30pm or so, they would allow me to sing one bhajan for Amma. What a blessing this is to be able to sing for Her here at the Kali Temple where She is receiving everyone in Her Infinite Loving Embrace! The energy of the Kali Temple is so powerful to begin with let alone adding Amma giving Darshan to the mix. Now the challenge is, which bhajan do I offer Her today? I seem to gravitate toward "Amritanandamayi Jai Jai" but it's a slower bhajan so then I think one of the faster ones like "Amma Baramma" or "Shakti De Bhakti De" or "Jai Ambe Jagadambe". I know that Amma will ultimately make the decision for me as I am pretty good to go on any of these bhajans that are coming to me to offer to Her this evening (if it happens). I say "(if it happens)" because I am all too familiar with the leelas (plays/games) that Amma plays with us when it comes to bhajans and offering Her bhajans. It is a real test in detachment.

I need to go and pick up some clothes that I had made at Amma's Tailor Shop on the other side of the backwaters in Vallikavu before it gets too late.

I shall write more later tonight after my Darshan.

Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah.

So...it's 6:25pm here and I am now noticing why it is that Amma has to shower everyone with infinite love and show us Kali every so often. The ego that surrounds Her is overwhelming. Kali's main goal is to slash the ego with Her swords and wear the skulls around Her neck of those whose ego is so strong.

The bhajan leela prevades. I arrived in the Kali Temple at 5:30pm to be told that the time alotted to the "Westerner's Group" was cut and they only have time for 4 bhajans.

I am now back in my room after rushing from the tailor shop on the other side of the backwaters and doing some laundry to get the Temple in time for 5:30pm. I think that I will just sing some bhajans here in my room at my alter to Amma as I know that She will hear them. As She said in Her response to the question in yesterday's Q&A; one who puts the teaching to practise will be remembered by the Master not the one who's always physically close.

I have a Darshan token for "end of day" whatever that means. I don't actually know what time Darshan will go until tonight. It seemed that only the Indians were still in the Darshan line. She hasn't started with the Westerners as yet.

Even if I miss Darshan today due to playing the harmonium and singing my heart out...well, that will be fine too. It's ALL Amma's Grace that I can even be here at Amritapuri and witness all that is going on around me and and be in the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual state that I am in now. It's wonderful to be in Amma's embrace, but I also don't want to be greedy and/or selfish about it.

Tomorrow is a BIG day for me too. I have the Rahu-Ketu Puja at 5am and then the Shiva-Shakti Puja at 6pm. I will also have my Malayalam class at 1pm and studying to do so I don't want to be up too late tonight and miss any of these events. It's important that I be fully alert and present at the Pujas tomorrow so that I will know what is going to be done for me once a year when I send the donation to have these Pujas done on my behalf (as per the vedic astrologer's recommendation).

One moment at a time...

Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah