Lesson in Patience and Trust...

March 11, 2009

Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...

Today my computer seems to be working just fine and it's reading the disk drive again (knock wood). It's really wacky.

So...first thing in the morning, just after my morning seva, I was told that they cannot put the cost of the Kenya Tour through on my US Visa. The alternative that was suggested was to have the monies deposited to my Canadian account and then take it out of the ATM here. This would land up costing an arm and a leg what with two conversions (US to Canadian, Canadian to Indian) and then dealing with the daily limits on the ATMs on both ends (Canada and India) and then the bank fees for multiple withdrawls (since this amount would not be able to be withdrawn all in one shot. That was just the first of two whammies. The second whammy was that the cost of the Kenya Tour has gone up to $2850 USD. Someone (in the organizing group) went up to Amma last night and told Her how much they have been quoting people. She said that they are not charging enough as they are not considering the diesel fuel for the buses to shuttle people to and from the Program site and airports.

I became really upset in the moment, but the upset subsided pretty quickly (quicker than normal) and I just became depressed. Like a child who had just had his lollipop taken away from him.

I spoke with Jim on the phone about these two whammies. I thought for sure he would say "no, we can't afford it to begin with let alone if the price is creeping up". Instead, his response was "well another $250 USD is really not that much...we just have to figure out how to get the money to you in the quickest and cheapest way"

After much discussion, I requested that he contact his US bank in the morning to find out what info is required in order to process a direct wire of money into the Ashram bank account and on my end, I would inquire with Swamini if that was an option or not.

To my great good fortune, Swamini said that this would be fine and she got me all of the banking information that was required on the US side to make this happen.

So after a lot of heartache and depression today, it seems as though Amma really wants me to be on the Tour. I spoke with my parents today as well and Mom is willing to wire me that money right away and then get reimbursed by Jim (as it will take him a few days to get the money as well). My God...the way that Amma works Her abundance in the world is just amazing to me.

It also looks like my parents are going to come down to Seattle this year to the Amma Retreat and have that experience. I guess it's time for them to receive Darshan as well and Amma is finally calling them into Her realm and court for Darshan. How exciting is that?!?!

I have to keep reminding myself that ALL is Amma's Will and just have patience and trust that Her Will is the only thing that prevails in the Universe. Apparently, I am still learning that. I go in and out of bouts of believing that whole-heartedly and then have some skepticism or doubt. She keeps on showing me and showing me like the energizer bunny who keeps going and going and going, Amma keeps showing and showing and showing...

Today was Holi (the festival of colours in Indian traditions) which I did not know. The Indian festivals follow the moon calendar so it changes every year. After receiving Darshan today (at about 7pm), I sat in the Kali Temple and gazed upon the crowd surrounding Amma receiving Darshan. She began offering Darshan at 11am and went on until 8:30pm. At this time, She was handed a tray of many different coloured powders and She began playing holi with the devotees surounding Her. She then took hold of a microphone and started singing a Punjabi bhajan (hot off the press). This bhajan moved me to tears and I was sitting watching Her on the (live feed) big screen TV. She was so joyful and dancing on Her throne as She sang the bhajan and continued playing holi with everyone. She then sung a Krishna bhajan that speaks to the festival of Holi. Everyone from the grounds of the Ashram came running into the Temple space to watch Amma in action. After having sat for 9.5 hours receiving people of all races, creeds, colours, origins, smells, appearances, She seemed untouched and with the energy of a child on sugar, played and sang in ecstacy!

This entire witnessing made me cry my eyes out and wonder why me? What did I do to deserve this kind of blessing in my life? Is this really happening or am I having the most amazing dream that just seems to go on and on for weeks on end?

I am still learning patience and trust in Amma to know that this is ALL Her doing and it's ALL happening just exactly as it is meant to by Her Grace.

Aum Amriteshwaryai Namah...